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Is it forgivable to be raged at and broken up with?

galyways's picture

Submitted by galyways on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 2:05pm

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I was raged at, called names and broken up with because I refused to pay for my boyfriends kids meals and because I disengaged after his daughter was rude to me and made rude snide remarks towards me. Is this forgivable and what kind of man does this? He accused me of being a narccisist for standing up for myself basically and used old family traumas against me while raging at me(he told me I was just like my father who was emotionally and mentally abusive towards me most of my life). This really hurt but I got to thinking maybe I am a narcissist because I stood up for myself and I do not think I should be subjected to his child's rude behavior and I do not think I should be paying for his kids meals. Anyways I noticed he is struggling with money and he tried to hit me up for money after we broke up saying I owed him money (I do not) for staying at a family condo while on a trip we went on together where we were not getting along (His parents paid for the condo not him). I do not think I should pay him for this either. Am I a narcissist? Please be honest with me.

Lollybobs's picture

Submitted by Lollybobs on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 2:14pm

There's a big difference between being a narcissist and standing up for yourself. Sounds like a man to stay well away from.

markwvualum's picture

Submitted by markwvualum on Wed, 10/09/2019 - 1:20pm

Your ex DH is not only emotionally abusive but also gaslights you in order to get his way. Do yourself a favor and stay the heck away from this loser. You are not a narcissist but he probably is. Do not pay him a dime. You owe him nothing. BTW it is his responsibility to pay for his kids meals not yours. If he is broke he needs to downsize, get another job or both, not put it on you. 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 2:46pm

haha.. you are dang lucky to be rid of this score-keeper.

I mean... I could understand if his parents had some upfront expectation that you would pitch in more to offset the value of the lodging.. but for him to come back like this.. he is petty.

I would not respond to him period and be happy that he and his mess of a family are no longer your problem.

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 2:51pm

I was raged at, called names and broken up with because I refused to pay for my boyfriends kids meals and because I disengaged after his daughter was rude to me and made rude snide remarks towards me.

Block him so he can stop contacting you and never look back. You stood up for yourself and rightfully so and he wants to be upset because you won't allow him to take advantage of you....If he's broke he needs to get another job. His kids are not your responsibility.

He's pathetic, hitting you up for money AFTER breaking up and trying to guilt trip you about staying at a family condo??? He needs to take that BS some place else and try that nonsense on someone that cares.

Crazy....he's upset with you because you don't pay meals for his kids.....he needs to get a life!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 3:49pm

I was raged at, called names and broken up with because I refused to pay for my boyfriends kids meals

he is struggling with money and he tried to hit me up for money after we broke up saying I owed him money

OMG, you are NOT a narc. Your EXbf, however, is a moneygrubbing asshat. 

Sweetie, you do not owe this man one bloody thing. BLOCK HIM. If he continues to harass you (yes, he IS harassing you), get a restraining order. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 4:57pm

Please knock the self depricating crap off, have some confidence and move on with your life.  

You are not the narcissist in this picture.  Your father's issues are not your issues.  This POS is gaslighting you, attempting to bully you into continuing to support he and his crotch droppings, and knows he is in your head.

Don't let him have space in your head, your life or your checkbook.

Enjoy your new life.  The only place this guy and his children have in your life is over.  The only forgiveness you owe is to yourself and that includes forgiving this POS non man of any place in your life and future. Leave them to wallow in the stench of their shallow and polluted gene pool as you move on to the fresh clean sweet cool waters of your future.

Take care of you.

susanm's picture

Submitted by susanm on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 4:59pm

No.  Next question?

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 5:01pm

You deserve better.  Please see a therapist to understand why you settle for abusive crap men.

 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 5:06pm

You're not a narcissist, but you've acted like a doormat in the past.  You do not owe your ex-asshole any money - DO NOT under any circumstances give him any.  Be happy that you're rid of this abusive, user jerk, and move on.  Be sure to block him on your phone, social media, etc. so you don't have to deal with him again.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 5:24pm

wasn't this the vacation where they made her pay all the extra ubering?

I might make a call to the condo.. find out what the going rate was for that place during the time you guys were there.

then I would have figured out how much your "share" would have been.

 

Then do up a little invoice.. where you subtract out any value that you paid on other people's behalf.. uber.. meals.  of course add in where they may have picked up your meal (I doubt it..lol).

Then send her a check.. to the MIL.. with a note and the accounting and say that "under the circumstances.. you can't see the fairness in her picking up the tab for your lodging so you are reimbursing her for your share.. with adjustments.

Then flounce on outa there sister!

caitlinj's picture

Submitted by caitlinj on Wed, 10/09/2019 - 1:22pm

Why do these people get into relationships when they have no business being in one? Why don't they raise and financially support their own damn kids? It is no one elses job to do so other than his and baby mama's. If someone cannot afford their kids expenses, meals, etc. then they need to get their life together before they get into a relationship. Quit involving other people. It is no one's responsibility to pay for those kids expenses, meals etc. besides the two bio parents. If he cannot afford his kids vacations, meals, etc. he has no business taking them on vacation. If he cannot afford his kids expenses and his bills he has no business being in a relationship and needs to get his life together first. Either he needs to budget or find another job.

MissJulsie's picture

Submitted by MissJulsie on Wed, 10/09/2019 - 10:54am

Ignore your ex. Everyone throws around the word narcissist these days. It's a new pop psychology buzz word.