I’m so tired
I’m a child free step mom. I love my SD’s but it’s gotten to out of hand. I literally am told I’m not the mom so don’t act like it. Oh but when BM and DH decided kids will go to a different school almost 30 mins away. Who has to take them me. I’m not allowed to get frustrated because the kids are animals. As soon as they are here for our two weeks the house is destroyed there’s trash everywhere. They break things, jump on couch on me. So I just tend to try my hardest to go to our room but they children haven’t been taught any manners or boundaries so they will just open the door and start asking questions or crawling in bed and then start doing gymnastics on the bed.
I will get pissed off and start yelling at them to stop or alto get out. But then my DH gets pissed off and telling me they are just being kids.
My 6 almost 7 year old can’t put on her shoes or tie them herself. She won’t brush her teeth. When I do her hair she rips off her hair so she looks like a homeless person.
My 8 almost 9 year old SD is manipulated everything. She lies and tries to get away with things.
My DH told me if I don’t want to deal with it then he will just talk to HCBM and tell her we will just have them on the weekends. I told him fine let’s do that then he goes well she’s gonna want my child support so we’re gonna have to get rid of your car. I’m just so angry all the time and upset. And I feel like maybe I should leave. But I love my husband more than anything because when they aren’t around we are fine.
Wait your partner said he’s selling your car to fund cs?
or is he helping you pay off a car loan?
We are both on the car
We are both on the car
He can't sell it without your
He can't sell it without your permission.
Why do YOU have to take them
Why do YOU have to take them to school?
Why would you have to get rid of YOUR car?
Do you work outside the home?
I take them to school because
I take them to school because he works for 6-230 and I work at a grocery store so my schedule is open. And because my car payment is almost 600 dollars.
Your H is a piece of work and
Your H is a piece of work and can't even imagine how you are still with him. Lets just point out the facts here, these kids ARE NOT yours. They are his and BM responsibility so please really understand that you are not obligated to do a d@mn thing for them.
Oh but when BM and DH decided kids will go to a different school almost 30 mins away. Who has to take them me.
I don't see how BM & H deciding kids will attend different schools 30 minutes away has ANYTHING to do with you. They have to make arrangements to take them. Please tell me you didn't entertain this?? They created these kids NOT you.
My DH told me if I don’t want to deal with it then he will just talk to HCBM and tell her we will just have them on the weekends.
Again he created these kids so why is it that you have to sacrifice your car because CS may increase??? Not your problem and the fact that he even suggests half the sh!t that he does is appalling. Let my H make a suggestion like that.....he'd be lucky his car wasn't keyed.
You need to stand up for yourself because BM and your H control your every move and have you like a puppet, baby sitter and chauffer. Love yourself more to stop this nonsense and know you deserve better than this.
I don’t mind taking them but
I don’t mind taking them but I mind the fact that the youngest can’t do anything for herself. When I was a kid in 1st grade I could tie my shoes and brush my teeth without being told because I knew that’s what I had to do before school. But his kids have no manners and no respect.
That's because they haven't
That's because they haven't been taught. That's on your DH.
Exactly what Siemprematahari
Exactly what Siemprematahari is saying. OP you didn't create these kids so your DH shouldn't be putting the responsibility of taking his kids to school based on a decision that him and the BM made and then threatening to get rid of your car to pay because he will have to pay BM more CS. Do you understand what is going on here? This is total manipulation!! I would tell my DH get bent if he told me that my car would have to be sold in order for him to pay more CS to BM. You need to stand up to your DH about this trust me if you don't do it now it will only get worse later on. I hope everything works out for you. I hate to sound harsh but this is the truth.
OP---you are tired because
OP---you are tired because you being run around, physically and emotionally. Currently your situation is unbalanced BUT here is the good news.
You have full control of all of this----"DH,,,,I have decided, starting next Monday, I will no longer take yours and bm's kids to school. I have also decided I will not brush the kids teeth, bathe them, wash their clothing, give them showers or brush their hair for them. Furthermore, I do not want them jumping on the bed OR the living room furniture. But hey,,,it's your stuff DH-(if true) (if yours I would be furious and put it in storage f that op if they are jumping on your stuff)... So, when they are here, with you..I have decided to 1. sleep in guest room OR 2. Lock the door at 8pm so they dont get in MY bedroom.
GoodLuck OP----sorry about all this but you do have power to change it. IT IS THAT EASY.
Agree
when op is in her room, lock it so ape shit skids don’t go psycho all over the place jumping on beds to annoy the shit out of her.
if there are no locks on the door, have some installed.
i remember mid last yr, 6.5-7yrs after sd’s went mia because hcgubm kidnapped them from hubby and decided to re-initiate contact, i and my 2 toddlers wirh hubby were tossed to the side, everything revolved around skids no matter how rude/disrespectful or lazy self entitled brats they were.
To top things off hubbys exwife told the sd’s that they couldn’t see dad unless i was present. So now, mw a mum of a 1.5 and 2.5 yr old was being ordered like a friggin puppet by a 13 & 22 yr old sd’s and their bio mum.
3 visits in because they’re lazy arses never wanted to come visit us i told hubby no more. I told hubby that they were selfish for ever putting me in that situation and i chose to stand up for myself and not be bullied by others
Op, you’re starting to feel like this isn’t right because your gut is right. How about dear hubby sells his car before yours to cover shortfall is cs or better still get another job. Heck as a lawnmower, landscaper or cleaner, he and only he and the bio mum are responsible
My husband makes really good
My husband makes really good money but with BM taking child support. It’s hard. And my car is the biggest payment we have but that’s because well I thought I wanted a family car and now it’s used as baggage. Like well if we never got the pilot... we could do this or that. But now it’s like I don’t even know what to do or where to start and I know I have to stand up for myself. But I’ve been so depressed I’ll sleep all day go to work come home go to sleep until I have to go back to work.
You're putting mileage on your car, & if you get rid of your car
how will the kids get around? I realize that's supposed to be the case if they live with BM, that you'll have to sell your car.
No ma'm. You need to keep your car. Keep your job, and put DH on notice that since his kids are like wild animals, and cannot show respect toward you, then this is where you jump off and he jumps on the parent train.
I have a tshirt "Not my Circus. Not my monkeys." You need to adopt this mantra.
I would suggest boundaries, and trying to implement them, however, if they're this age and this wild, I don't know if it will work. Particularly, if they go back and forth to BM.
I wish you luck, sugar.
This and start picking up
This and start picking up extra hours at work so you have a valid reason to opt out and also so you can have extra funds you can start squirreling away.
Frankly, you deserve so much better than this crap.
I pick up extra hours at work
I pick up extra hours at work all the time when they are here. I would rather be at work than here at home. For instance right now on a school night they are sleeping in the living room with the tv blaring. But when I say something it’s what does it matter they are asleep. What’s the difference from them sleeping in the living room or their bed room.
They live with us two weeks
They live with us two weeks and BM for two weeks. But if he gives them to her full time she will give us every weekend but the third. But then she’ll want more child support even though she just bought a house that’s $300,000 and has three brand new cars. She is all about money
Sounds like you are a
Sounds like you are a bystander in your own life! Your marriage does not come second to everyone else's needs. I can't stand the assumption that the new wife is obligated to stand back and deal with whatever the first family decides for them. Stand up for yourself.
That is exactly how I feel. I
That is exactly how I feel. I feel like I’m supposed to be the “mom” figure but not have the respect a mom has. Not that I really even want to be a mother. Especially after this. I’m glad I never wanted kids. But I get guilt tripped because I know BM is a piece of shit and they need a better female role model. But I can’t let kids get away with everything because I’m embarrassed to be seen with them. In public people look at me like aren’t you gonna do something about your kid throwing a fit and I’m standing their like I can’t not my kid
Preach it, sister!
And how did this mysteriously become the subsequent marriage/wife "norm?"
I cannot even imagine the things that are going on that we haven't even heard about, but this board has been a huge eye opener.
It's really something, because in my day-to-day interactions and errand running I find myself looking at other ladies, and wondering, "Is she part of a blended family situation? IF SO, what's HER story?"
Yes, please, please, stand UP FOR YOURSELF. YOU'RE ALL YOU'VE GOT!
You are being bullied. Tell
You are being bullied. Tell him it’s fine to sell the car (600 is a crazy payment anyway), and buy a cheap beater car you can drive to work. Stop letting him push you around and stop parenting for him.
This whole situation could be
This whole situation could be solved if your DuH would get his head out of his behooky and actually parent his feral kids ...
It's the same o'l song and dance. DH feels guilty so he doesn't
want to be a parent, or "the bad guy" so he gives in to every little whim. Everyone else has to suffer because of his guilt that he will either not admit to, or if he will, he won't seek help, but rather, stay in denial over it.
Interstingly many think they have a SK problem, and they do, but first and foremost they have either a SO or DH problem. His inaction and refusal to parent appropriately and discipline when needed has a huge ripple effect. Discipline teaches, while punishment humiliates. Some confuse the two,but they are very different.
I feel for you.
The most clear element...
The most clear element of this is that your DH is a gaslighting manipulative asshole.
You have no children with him. Call the locksmith to rekey the locks and put he and his toxic ill behaved crotch droppings on the curb.
Whatever you do, do not trade EO2W for EWE. At the very least insist on nothing more or less than EOWE.
I would suggest that you move on to a happy life with them (STBXH and the Skids) as nothing more than a fading memory.
Take care of you.