Not feeling great
Forums:
I’m going to apologize upfront for run ons, spelling, and grammar.
With that being said. I’m in a hard situation. I am a newly married step dad. Two months to be exact. Recently my teenage SD had a baby. Yay! Everyone is so happy. But, my new wife has basically disappeared. I feel like this is a time when me and the SO should be bonding , but many nights I don’t even have her in my bed. Am I over reacting to this . Or should my SD take more charge raising her child. I’m afraid it will end my new marriage.
How long have you been with
How long have you been with your wife? How old is SD and is she living on her own or in your home?
3 years. She is 16 and yes
3 years. She is 16 and yes she does live with us.
This is tough, as your SD is
This is tough, as your SD is such a young mother and I'm sure your wife wants to be there for her and her grandbaby... but she needs to be there as your wife, also.
She does, eventually, need to let her daughter figure out this motherhood thing. In the meantime, she needs to at least have some balance and not ignore her husband. I mean, why is she never in your bed?
Maybe have a chat with your wife about a reasonable amount of time in which she will step back and let SD grow up, so that she can take part in your relationship. But be prepared, it may never happen.
Where is your wife? Caring
Where is your wife? Caring for the baby? I personally think the 16 yo should be responsible, but what I think doesn't matter, it's what your wife thinks that does. Can you approach her with your concerns?
It's a tough issue, having a teen mother in the home. I'm sure your wife wants her to finish high school and perhaps that part of her concern about SD caring for the baby.
While I do get that you want your wife around, I can see how hard it must be for her, too. Maybe there is a middle ground somewhere.
Does your wife also work? Who
Does your wife also work? Who owns the home?
Now that sd had a baby, is she considered emancipated? Is sd father involved - spending time with her and/or child support? Does/Will the baby's father be involved spending time and/or child support?
Actually, having a baby does
Actually, having a baby does not emancipate you (in my state, anyway).
I believe in some states it
I believe in some states it does..which is why I asked the question.
My DW had her son (my SS-27
My DW had her son (my SS-27 adopted by me at his request when he was 22) at 16. My ILs did one thing right when DW had SS, they held her accountable for raising her son. DW chose to stay in HS and graduate with her class rather than quit HS and enroll in pregnant girl school with the other teen moms.
She went on to college, grad school and a successful career as a CPA. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary because my ILs did not raise their grandson and made their daughter raise her own child. She worked and finished her Sr. year of HS with a baby. She did have some help from friends who were foster parents and watched my SS while DW was in class and a work and my ILs bought a used travel trailer and put it next to their house for DW and SS to live in for her Sr. year. They also had DW's back keeping the SpermIdiot under a hairy eyeball so that DW could finish school with some advice from people that cared about her and helped counter the SpermClan's toxic crap.
If your DW does not knock this shit off, make her daughter grow up immediately and raise the child she squeezed out on her own your marriage is over before it really begins. Having the 16yo's back is not the same as raising her spawn. She must be held accountable for finishing school, raising her child, and not spending another second as a child. She forfeited the rest of her childhood when she chose to have a kid at 16. The best thing your DW can do for her own kid is put her foot up the 16yo's ass, force her to get a job, force her to go to class, and force her to raise her child. There are countless programs to provide day care for teen moms so that they can finish HS, provide health insurance for their OOWL spawn, provide other resources for the teen parents to provide for their own babies and grow up fast and hard.
Your bride must find clarity on this of she will forfeit her own life and your marriage. At least that is my forecast based on my DW's experience as a 16yo teen mom.
Good luck.
You're going to need it.