Narcisist adult stepson
Hey everyone, I wanted to ask for advice on how to disengage from my stepson. IHis father and me have been married for 27 yrs and we have 2 daughters together.I believe him to be a narcissist. He lies to me and about me. He paints me as a very mean person. The problem is the grandkids. The last straw came when he sent me a text asking what I was doing (out of the blue). I texted him that we were at a friend’s birthday party. He suddenly turned ugly and accused me of never taking him to dr or dentist- which was a blatant lie. He was drunk texting so I didn’t respond. He sent me a text saying that I wouldn’t see the kids anymore. I don’t see them that often now ( not my choice. I know that I was always a good mom to him( his mom died when he was young).Im hurt but mostly I don’t want anymore to do with him. I don’t want to miss out on my grandkids but this is the last of many accusations. His daddy was married briefly before we got married and the wicked stepmom tittles was passed from her to me.
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It's not your responsibility
It's not your responsibility to cart (nor pay for) your SS to go to a dentist. It's his own duty... he's an adult and a father in his own at that. I suppose SS thinks you should take and pay for the grandkids too?
Block him on your phone. No need to listen to some entitled feeling adult to drunk text you (or even a sober one).
Let your husband deal with his son.
As to the grandkids, it is hard when their parents use them as pawns, but it's their loss. You can not feel guilty over it nor can you allow SS to intimidate you.
I assume he meant that she
I assume he meant that she didn’t take him to the doctor and dentist when he was a kid.
I do mean that-which is a
I do mean that-which is a complete lie. He was a teen when me and his BF married and I took him to most of his appointments
I meant that I took him to
I meant that I took him to his appointments when he was a teen as well as shopping and his first rock concert. His family has always pitied him and he is always playing the victim. He gets jealous if my H gets a little close to my son in law or if my H spends time with any male. I have told both my H and my SS That SS needs counseling. SS doesn’t believe that he has issues to resolve.
This ^
Its unfortunate that the grandkids will suffer and you wont see them but for your own sanity cut all contact with your SS.
Thank you. That is what is
Thank you. That is what is going to hurt the most.
You will have to let the
You will have to let the grandkids go, more than likely, especially since he is using them against you. If you don't see them much, anyway, this should not be too big of a sacrifice and will get easier over time. It will be worth it to not have to deal with him. He is hurting them, more than anybody. But that's what narcissists do.
I don't have anything to do with my SD's kids, in the first place, so she can never threaten me with them, and if she did, it would backfire right in her face.
Sorry you are going through this.
Thank you
Thank you
Does your H know what his
Does your H know what his brat of an adult kid texted you? If so, he should have gone to his son's house, called him out on his abuse, warned him that it had better never happen again, and told him to apologize to you.
If your H isn't willing to stand up for you, then you bet you need to remove his son and the grandkids from your life. Who has time for a drunken abusive jerk? Be done with him. As for the gskids, it's sad to let go but your H's son will likely train them to hate you and possibly to exploit you.
Cut him off!
In this situation, where it sounds like he is bringing up false accusations from the past - where does it stop? He might accuse you of doing harm to his kids. Sadly these things are very common. You must disengage, or at the least do not be with grands alone. Must always have DH or someone around if you wish to continue to have a relationship with them.
If you choose to disengage, you must do it completely.
I also have a Nacissistic personalilty disordered skid - SD20. I have gone no contact and do not ever wish to be in her presence. I dont even like hearing about her. Shes always causing drama, and now lives with her mother. They have identical personalities and fight all the time.
I am not looking forward to the day when she has kids and gets married. I know we wont be invited or included in anything.
Sorry this is happening. It hurts and theres nothing we can do to change them.
Thank you. It does hurt me
Thank you. It does hurt me terribly. I never thought of him accusing me of hurting the gkids but now that you pointed that out, I will certainly take that advice. Thank you!
I am sorry. I can tell your
I am sorry. I can tell your hurt and baffled by ss. Surely this is not new behavior for the kid, right? Have you thought about the following?
1 Block his texts by blocking his telephone number on your cell.
2. Stop also with 'miss out with grandkids". How can anything be joyful and pleasent AND happy when your ss is this awful. They are your husbands grandchildren, right?
3. For your husband to NOT tell his adult kid to stop his nonsense OR He is not welcome in your home.... is beyond me. You do not deserve to be spoken to like ss is.
Do NOT allow ss to hold you hostage any longer. Your husband first duty to YOU is to protect his wife.
Again I am sorry---you deserve better. IF better means no contact with ss then so be it.
Thank you for your reply.
Thank you for your reply. This is definitely not new behavior- it’s been happening for years. He had a sm before me-he always talked about how awful and abusive SHE was- I no longer believe that. He’s playing that song on me know.
My text back to him before
My text back to him before blocking him would be, "So this is your way of thanking me for stepping in when your mom died huh? The sooner you're out of my life the better so enjoy getting blocked."
If the skids ever have kids I
If the skids ever have kids I wilk never allow myself to get attached to them. I will be kind but I will never care. The skids are all unpredictable, manipulative, i dont need that in my life.
It’s sad isn’t it?
It’s sad isn’t it?
SS Blow up over 2 years ago with father and me
Hello everyone, I'm back with a new problem.Here goes: not long after I posted 2.5 years ago, my daughter was looking for a house to buy. My husband, choosing to ignore his son's past behavior( he thought SS and I only had a difference of opinion). Well my husband suggested selling the house that he and son lived in when she was killed on an auto accident. Husband and so moved out of that house and it has been rented ever since. Although my husband and me were paying a mortgage, SS would tell family members that it was his house(although at that point, he had a nice home and family. So my daughter is looking for a house and my husband suggests selling (not giving but selling her the house. I told my husband NO and explained that SS feels entitled to the house ( although he had told me over the years that he had no memories of living there). Anyway, I explained to my husband that we would help my daughter to find a house. He came back the next day and said that he talked to SS and he said that was fine with him. Next night, I receive a phone call from SS saying that his dad basically surprised him. I told him to talk to his dad. A couple nights later, he sent a drunken to his dad AND me telling him what a terrible father he was and that he(SS) was such a better father, how he hated him and wouldn't go to his funeral-a very ugly rant. He went on to say that the guy living in the house was dad's son(he helped fix the house up)I interjected and told SS to call when he sobered up. He then proceeded to call me crazy and a b*tch and that I was not his kids grandma and never would be and that we would not see the kids again. I was so hurt but decided and explain to dad and SS that until counseling happened, that I did not want a relationship. I prayed for years that my husband and his son would reconcile but kept reinforcing to my husband that while I would like for them to mend their relationship, I did not want a relationship with SS. Now my husband wants me to join him for events at SS and I explained to him that I want nothing to do with him. My husband loves his son and I want best for my husband but he can't seem to realize that his son is very toxic
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