Who is in charge?
We just had a hurricane here in Florida... I ended up being out of work for 5 days. BM refused to leave her beachside home and asked DH to take SD so she wasn’t in harms way. DH said absolutely so we kept her for 5 days, this is after already having her 3 weekends back to back, when it’s supposed to be every other.
I was given no choice or say in this of course! Flash forward, DH gets called into work 3 out of the 5 days and leaves her here with me!!! I was livid! Just because her “mom” doesn’t want to leave her unsafe house I have to watch her now?!
Please note: I have to care for my Dad who has late stage dementia. So not only did I have to care for him, I also had her with me. How is this right?! I am so glad to be back to work now.
question is this, isn’t it BM job as the primary to take care of the child during a state of emergency? Or was it ok Bc DH took her? She did this the last time we had a hurricane too and ended up partying during the storm. How mature of her , eye roll.
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I think in a state
of emergency the number one priority is to ensure the safety of said child. So if mom won't keep her safe then dad has to as he did. Should mom care more about the child's safety? Yes, of course. There is no question. But she doesn't so someone has to and that meant you and your husband. Is it fair? No. Is it the right thing to do? Yes.
I say this as someone who would also take the neighbor's kids in an emergency though. Or would pick up random uninfected children if there was a zombie apocalypse. And their pets. Their pets would need to come to.
Why bother then?
Why does she have primary custody then if she's not willing to care for the child during times of need? this doesnt make sense to me. I have told DH numerous times it doesnt seem like she wants to be in charge of the child and we should go for 50/50 then. When I was a child and we got hurricanes my Mom put me in a car and we left. She told my dad where we were going and we would get ahold of him later. She never once dumped me off to him. AND my Dad didnt pay child support! I honestly think I have spent more time with SD then her own Mom.
In the case of an emergency like a hurricane
Int the case of an emergency like a hurricane, whoever is in the best position to take care of the child should take care of the child. No, just because BM is "primary" doesn't mean it falls to her to take care of the kid. It is the responsibility of both parents. Since BM wouldn't leave her unsafe residence, it was up to DH to protect his child.
If DH got called in to work, I'm guessing he must be in a line of work that is necessary even in the event of a hurricane? If so, I feel like in this circumstance it was ok for him to assume you would take care of SD. I get why you are upset, but hurricanes seem like special circumstances.
Although, like was mentioned upthread - I'm also picking up uninfected kids and animals when the zombies come...
LOL No
DH does not work in line of field where he would need to work. Without going into too much detail, hes in construction. But. his boss said they could come in if they wanted and work in the shop. So in my opinion, he chose to go to work knowing he had his daughter. Yes he needs a paycheck but he should of thought a little more carefully about her being there before he just left her with me.
Your husband did the right
Your husband did the right thing by ensuring his child was safe. Kudos to mom for having enough sense to realize that her stupid decision could put the kid in danger.
The only thing your husband did wrong was dumping his responsibility into your lap. You could have simply told hom no.
Moving forward, he needs to understand that he has to have a child care plan in place for when he gets called into work when he has his daughter. ..
He's a good dad
I will give him that. But thats like saying I will take her sure but then not actually taking her and bringing her to you or a neighbor. Hes not there! After the 1st day of him being gone, I did say no more. And he told me too bad, she is just as much my responsibility! This actually led into a huge fight where we didnt speak for a whole day. He left town again yesterday, when he gets back Im going to suggest we go to a counselor.