Update on SD and the "rape trial"
Yesterday, according to SD was the day for the "rape trial". Well, as over one expected except BM and DH it wasn't. It was a bonds hearing for the 17 year old guy who SD "CLAIMS" raped her. I have had previous blogs on this.
For some reason, SD had to stay a day or two longer in the mental hospital. She is getting out today. She hasn't contacted DH since she has been there. BM told DH that SD is still mad at him for calling the cops when she became out of control.
How long is SD going to continue to be mad at DH? I keep telling him that she will come around and to give her space. He is very moody right now. He has his good moments and bad moments. He is still second guessing himself. I keep telling him that he did do the right thing by calling the cops. DH has SD's cell phone so I am assuring him it will not take her long to reach out to him to get it. If she doesn't want to talk to him she does have the option of stealing BM's credit card again and ordering her another one. (She aquired this phone by stealing BM's credit card).
BM has told DH several times that SD has been diagnosed with bipolar. We got a copy of the forms for the mental hosptial but I am not seeing that listed. SD is taking A LOT of medications though. She has meds for adhd, depression, anxitey, and PTSD. BM told DH that SD is having "flashbacks" so they are putting her on another medication for that. The form also mentions that SD has abused illegal drugs and alcohol, cruelty to animals and stealing.
I am still not sure what happened to SD when DH called the police. I am not sure if it was mental issues, illegal drugs or just bad behavior. It could have been a combination of 2 or all 3 things. For her to threaten everyone at school, is a scary thing.
Do you think SD will reach out to DH on her own and ask for the phone? Will DH have to reach out to her by BM to get the phone? Will SD just steal BM's credit card to get a new phone? How long is she going to be mad at DH?
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I hope this doesn’t sound too callous
But my guess is SD is upset with her dad for calling her bluff. She was using the “call the cops” statement to manipulate him.
The other scenario could be, if she has that many mental issues, that she has no idea what happened in the car. (And perhaps her parents should film her when she flips out so there’s evidence and possibly to show her if she really blacks out.)
She remembers
She has been asked many times if she remembers and she knows the exact details and of course, it is ALWAYS someone else's fautl that she is that upset.
What's up with these parents
What's up with these parents not wanting to "make their kids mad". Isn't that part of being a good parent?
He feels so guilty
when she is mad at him. This is the first time that she hasn't reached out to him when she is in the hospital. He likes to think of himself as the favorite parent. The one that can calm her down when no one else can do it.
I just had a "come to Jesus meeting" with my BS last night. He was mad but he will get over it.
Well, there you have it. He
Well, there you have it. He needs to stop trying to be the "favorite" parent and focus on being a good parent. A good parent gets a child the help they need in the moment regardless of whether or not that child wants that help or thinks she needs it.
Why does he see himself as
Why does he see himself as favorite? Up to know he's had his head in the sand about her mental health and bm has been dealing with it-so actually it makes sense to me she contacts BM and not him during her hospital stay. My son was the same, didn't even want his dad to visit. You can't not give a damn about your kids health for years and then delude yourself you are favorite and the 'go to'. GRRR>
DH should get a padded
DH should get a padded mailing envelope, wrap the phone in bubble wrap, and mail it to daughter (care of BM). BM can give it to her (or not).
Next time the school calls him, he should not rush to pick her up. If BM can't /won't pick her up, the school can call the police.
I agree
DH would never just mail the phone and the next time BM calls to pick her up at school he will jump right to it. I have told him muliple times that he needs to let BM pick her up but he doesn't listen to me. He doesn't do as much jumping as he did when we first started to living together. I was hoping that he would stop all this jumping around but he still feels the need to do so.
Great, so he should be a
Great, so he should be a deadbeat dad and leave it all to bm.....because, why not?
Posts like this make me furious, especially when I have two sons who have had an absentee dad all their lives. YOU do not know the damage it does to the kids. Nor would you care.
You do not know the entire story behind SD and BM
I have never kept him from seeing SD. He can see her anytime he wants just not at MY house.
When we were first married BM would call DH at 7:30 AM on Saturday morning for him to pick up SD at 7:45. He would jump up and rush to pick her up. BM would call him to tell him when SD was coming home. SD could be at my house from an hour to 5 days. BM never called or would answer her phone until she was ready to pick up SD. DH would never ask or was given a time when SD should be coming home. She didn't call ahead of time, she didn't send an email, the CO stated that DH's visitation should be as agreed upon. SD never knew what was happening. She needed a schedule. We all did. I started getting DH to send BM an email stating the dates and times he would have SD. They would decide days before when she was going to be at my house.
SD doesn't come to my house because of HER behavior and BM calling social services multiple times on DH. I can't trust her around my BS, who has high functioning autism. She could have him arrested and put in jail just because she was mad at me. She knows how to play that game. She has already called social services on me. I could have lost my job ,my BS and went to jail. I will NOT play that game with her. I will not turn my peacful home into a living h$ll. I will NOT have my son leave his home so SD can come to visit. My BS lived here BEFORE I even started dating DH. My BS dad doesn't want him living full time with him. He stopped all visitations with my son when he was a junior in high school. He does call him from time to time to help him around his home but that is it. BM is the one that called social services MORE THAN ONCE on DH. She accused him of sexual abuse.
I am sorry your kids dad doesn't show up but this isn't just a typical SM trying to get DH to stop seeing his kid or stop trying to help with his kid. DH is often kept in the dark by BM. DH can't just pick up a phone and call Dr's office's or schools. BM has legal custody and they will rarely give him any information. DH is rarely listed on any type of paperwork as her father.
DH should not have signed the custody papers but for some unknown reason he trusted BM and couldn't afford his own attorney. DH has never had additional funds to hire and attorney to change any of it.
I am not a typical SM trying to keep DH away from SD. BM is the one that signed on the doted line to have full legal and physical custody of SD. No one twisted her arm or forced her to do so BM is/was the one in complete control. I am the one in control in my home and my BS.
I know the damage an absentee dad can do to kids but I also know the damage that she could cause to myself and to my son. My FIRST and ONLY priority is MY SON. What type of mother would I be if I know she is dangerous and I bring her into my home? Should DH not protect himself from all the lies? Does BM not have to take any responsibilites for all the false accusations?
Edited to add: I know there are a lot of dead beat dads that are out there. A lot of them are not dead beat dad's by choice. They are dead beat dad's because BM will not allow them to be apart of their kids lives. It isn't always the EVIL SM who is keeping the kids away from their BD. If you read this blog, you will see that BM's actions kept DH away from SD. I didn't do that.
Daizy, I know this well
Daizy, I know this well already. My response wasn't to you but the poster suggesting to just mail the phone and never pick the kid up from school as needed. That has NOTHING to do with you and your home and staying safe...it has everything to do with him washing his hands from his kid with mental health problems.
And NO BM is not to be held accountable for SD's false accusations, that has NOTHING to do with BM -in fact it seems to me she sounds more like the one to see it for what it is and ignore it, whereas YOUR DH is the one keeping the fire/lie fueled and going.
That said, with bm's old accusations, do you think this was something SD was convincing her of or is it bm started this and now SD does it because she learned from BM? Are you 100pct it wasn' SD making the accusations and what mom would chose to NOT believe her kid-especially it if's before such a diagnosis like bipolar, kwim? We would hang them if we knew they chose to believe a man over a child. So...just asking, did bm plant this or did sd share this and bm reacted the way a normal rational mom would?
I don't know and that's your truth and life to determine, kwim?
SO yeah, I know your part in this and wasn't concerned with that at all FYI>
There is a lot of guilt
Knowing you produce a child with mental illness. There has to be mental illness some where in either BM or DH family tree. Regardless of what you do, or don’t do. SD is bipolar, what means she changes in five seconds. Drugs, alcohol, are part of self medicating in bipolar.
You have to face the fact that what happens with SD is going to happen. There nothing anyone can do. If she takes her medication for bipolar it will be better. But once they feel better they think they don’t need the medication. And bsvk to squar one. You have to disengage, To be the one to see the right pathway.
Eh, people can have mental
Eh, people can have mental illness with no family history.
Possible, but chances are
Possible, but chances are there is some genetic component there, more likely the not .
BM and DH
both have mental issues in the family. I am not sure if anyone is bipolar but I know they have some mental issues.
A good child psych will not
A good child psych will not give a full diagnosis of bipolar until 18. My SD had a tentative DX of bipolar at 16. The psyche is not fully developed until 18. They often use a variety of different meds to stabilize mood. It wasn't until SD was put on a lithium and geodon combo while in the RTF that we saw the old SD.
They now call it "Disruptive
They now call it "Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder" in kids under 18.
YES....
This is her diagnosis. I can see why BM just calls it bipolar now.