Step Sons
Im a step parent of 2 adult step sons who have no respect as far as being lazy n cheap. My husband feels as though they are good right where they are OUR HOME. I tell them they have to pay to contribute to household needs, my husband does not enforce it, so they don't do it. He does everything for them. He teaches them absolutely no responsibility and wont give them wings to fly. It drives me outta my mind. We want to buy a house, I have doubts only because I dont want them to move in, but he insists that we get a home so that we could all live in it together. They are 20 & 21, I don't know if I'm being selfish?! They work with their father(my husband) who made sure they had a job with him instead of making them go look for a job or go to school. SSs dont date girls, go out with friends or anything, they work, come home to shower n eat then sit around my home every night. I like a clean home, so I'm constantly cleaning up after them because of how lazy they are to do anything, I wind up fighting with my husband constantly anymore, wanting him to start pushing his kids to start doing something with themselves. When SSs get paid at the end of the week, the one SS saviors every cent, to where I know his bank account is Great, the other SS, helps his mother with it by paying her bills and is broke by the weekend is over, asking his father to help him out with a few dollars. When I tell about cleaning up after them stating that I am not the maid nor the mother..my husband will do the chores for them that I expect them to do instead. When I tell my husband that I feel that there is no respect for me and how I feel, he shares that because they are his kids and he will do anything for them and if they choose to live here forever than so be it. I'm getting more n more depressed about it to the point I want to leave. I love my husband so much, this is the main topic of our arguments. I see the way his kids manipulate his kind heart, and it drives me crazy that I cant convince him on what they are actually doing.. I'm lost
Divorce words
"When I tell my husband that I feel that there is no respect for me and how I feel, he shares that because they are his kids and he will do anything for them and if they choose to live here forever than so be it."
You married your DH, you did not marry his adult sons. He has zero interest in being your equity life partner or for you to be his. He got exactly what he wanted, a live in maid for he and his adult sons with fuck buddy benefits for himself.
Please stop sacrificing yourself to this asshole and his toxic adult sons. Move on to a new life adventure and put them behind you.
I agree
Please read some of the past posts about DHs who are enmeshed with their sons. They live in some sort of fantasy land where their sons will be their little boys - or fraternal brothers forever. It's pretty hard for them to get a clear view of what is really happening. Many of the women who have posted this kind of problem finally made themselves a priority and left. Save up for an exit plan.
He values his current
He values his current dysfunctional relationship with his sons more than he values his marriage. That should be all you need to know.
You might find a calm minute to tell him that this isn’t how you intend to live and that you will start to look for a new place for yourself. He might be shocked, angry, etc. but so what? You’re upset now and he’s not willing to do anything about it.
You are not the first person
You are not the first person to fall in love with a total loser. It's very self destructive to stay with a spouse who is a total loser/user.
Well, at least he's honest.
Well, at least he's honest. Better decide whether or not you can live forever with his kids, because I'm guessing they aren't moving out any time soon. And if you force it, you will be the mean stepmother who broke up their family.
Not sure how you can respect this guy who is treating his adult sons like babies.
No, dont buy a house
Because guess what - you will be paying and contributing to the SS and their dependancy line. Your DH is enabling to be disabled. They cannot fend for themseles while dadee is waiting on them.
One thing that seems to work out well is disengagement. You like a clean house - dont we all - well each and every single time your ss leaves a mess, tell you husband "hey sweety, can you clean up YOUR mess?" Let him do it, maybe he will get tired of it.
Tha is a huge turnoff - I think that he must expect to live with SS forever? What about walking around naked and money sex in every room? Perhaps if you start charging for maid service (50 for 3 hours per week is the rate here), and print up a bill they might start cleaning up after themselves, but really in the long term they need to launch. You do not want SS to shack up with girls, or get someone pregnant and you have to take care of them too, right?
No can do!
I have 4 adult stepkids (18,19,22 & 23) and I told my husband NONE is allowed to move in. If any moves in, I’m moving out. I can barely stand them coming over for a few hours (noisy, messy, always bringing friends along, etc)...living with them would probably cause us to divorce. I didn’t marry my husband to take care of his ex’a kids. I don’t know how you do it and stay sane!
Thank you everyone.. I would
Thank you everyone.. I would love to be able to go with solutions that seem so simple, but yet so hard. I cant stand these SS of mine. I definitely have to save my own money which would take me awhile to do, in order for me to make any kind of move. I wish my husband would see the light, but hes such a DUMBASS when it comes to his idiot kids...
He always says that I have
He always says that I have something against his kids, on which I do... they are FREELOADERS!!! Ugh....
I hope you actually say that
I hope you actually say that to him.
Huh? He says they can live at home forever?
so this means if they met a girl and married had kids etc, they would still live at home forever? Oh dear god, someone please slap some reality and common sense to this guy