Do not move in with this man. 

It’s a long, difficult path to launchood for CODs whose parents don’t parent. You’ll be into your 60s if that actually happens. 

Time to throw this fish back into the sea. If you want to maintain a relationship, keep your residence separate, and date when the kids aren’t with him. 

His kids are young. If you are already feeling annoyed by them, it might be worth cutting your losses and ending the relationship now.

Being a stepmother is trying. You will be expected to put your opinions aside and often take a back seat due to the children. In some ways, that is to be expected, but it’s often surprising how much people expect you to not have feelings or even how they expect you to be a non-entity in your own home.

People will also judge you no matter what you do, because in general divorce makes people feel uncomfortable and a common reaction among family members (both parents and others) to “children of divorce” is to cater to them to try to “make up” for divorce. This means, these children often never settle into a new normal and everyone pines for the days when the family was intact.

I’ve been with my husband for five years, married for three and if I had to do it all over again, I’m not sure I would. I love my husband, but there has been a lot of heartache on my part and I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with being th target of anger from BM and being expected to be a non-entity by DH’s family. 

I don’t think they divorced people with children should be forced to stay single, but I do think that there needs to be more understanding of how all the issues from a divorce can be carried on into future relationships. I wish DH and his family had been forced to go to group therapy, so they could all accept the divorce and move on.

And not be effective by them.  You are home your SO works. Kids get sick, Is he going to stay home to take care of his kid or does he expect you to take care of him ?  In the summer and kids are out of school is he going to arrange for child care for the kids, away from your home ?  Do you now go away for the weekend alone ?  Are you. Going away on vacations alone ?  When you go out to eat., do you go where kids want to go ? Do the kids behave in a restaurant? 

I really don’t think this is for you.  If you are having trouble now, where you are not there 24/7/365  You know it’s only going to get worst.  He is not parenting his kids now. He will never will

Don’t move in with him. I’d go as far as to suggest this likely isn’t the right relationship for you if you’re already questioning the affects it’ll have on your health, and it’s only been a year. At minimum, don’t move in. 

What’ll likely end up happening is you’ll spend your money on a house you wouldn’t need otherwise, end up having to watch his kids when you aren’t well, and you won’t get the peace & quiet you’d have if you’d kept your own place. If you really want to stay with him, don’t live together. Your health is more important. 

Good for you. Unruly probably probably means “Unparented” and that will increase your resentment of him over time. 

You know the answer.  You just don't particularly like it and I don't blame you.  It sucks that you found someone you really love but he made some choices in his life that make his incompatible with yours. 

The kids are really young.  Don't fool yourself that things get better as they get older.  Sure they become more self-sufficient but the drama factor multiplies by a factor of infinity.  The pre-teen hormones are unreal and teenagers are hell.  Believe it or not, you are in the peaceful years.

I would continue to date if you like his company but not on a committed basis.  You have the right to find someone who is compatible with you for a long-term relationship and so does he.  Neither of you will find that if you are in an exclusive relationship with each other that clearly has no future.

I'm about the same age and my own children who are older affect my health! I love them but having kids around is trying and there is little rest if you are sick.  Your health needs to come first before anything else. Stress truly is a killer and can cause other problems on top of what is already going on. BF chose to have 3 young children and also chose to end the relationship with their mother. Their care and living arrangement is their parents responsibility not yours.  

I am just a few years younger than you, but my only BS is grown & married, so I basically 'feel' like an empty nester.  I work for myself, mainly from home, have chronic health issues that are best managed with R&R/low-stress environment/structure.  BF of 6 years has 5 kiddos.  I went from convenient, easy to maintain/clean small space living to moving into his 6 bedroom house!  Now that 3 kids have grown and gone we scaled down to a little smaller home, but regardless...I clean up a larger than I need house and so much more because all but the youngest of my SKIDS are 'unruly' and don't clean up after themselves.  That...just...sucks...period. 

My only light at the end of this tunnel is that the youngest SS10 is helpful and we get along pretty well, the youngest SS10 & SS15 are only here part-time, and the last one at home full time has only 1-2 years before being out on her own.  We are planning to seriously scale down after she leaves, settling into an empty nester lifestyle, and day dream about escaping to retire on a beachfront tiny home in 8 years after SS10 is grown.  However, like someone mentioned above...those teenage years are BRUTAL!  There is still hope, but I'm honestly not even sure we'll make it through these last HS years with SD16 drama.  It can be that challenging.

I love BF/MR. ED dearly and like you I have known him many years (since we were 15).  But if I had to do it all over again...I honestly don't think I would.  If he had 3 very young children right now, I would probably choose to say a loving goodbye.  I have to agree with SayNoSkidsChitChat's eloquent words above. *ROFL* When SKIDS are involved...love for your partner (and the other thing...lol) simply aren't enough to make a happy, healthy life.  If it were, StepTalk wouldn't be so full of well-intentioned and hopeful SPs grabbing at final straws to save their relationships and their sanity!  

MY 2 CENTS:  Take care of you and enjoy this second half of your life to the absolute fullest!  Take care of your health, your business, your sanity, your heart, and your happiness.  Give him a kiss, thank him for the wonderful time you've spent together, wish him the best, and go take a well-earned singles cruise in the Caribbean. <3