Skid used to talk openly with BM at our house, but that’s when skid was SUPER young. DH and I quickly became aware (via skid) that BM *did* press her for information after pick-up, though.

Currently, skid doesn’t call and talk to BM when she’s at our house, and vice versa, but I’m 100% sure she at least texts back and forth with her. 

When skid was young, the texting was pretty overt on BM’s part. She’d come right out and ask skid what daddy and momjeans were doing that very moment. Now, I’m pretty sure BM has adjusted her method of inquiries in order to not tip off skid to what she’s doing, as the battle of who could care less is strong with BM.

All that said, I’m positive my DH wouldn’t tolerate this. Why is yours?

My SD is 11 and she always goes to her room to talk, no matter who she is talking to. I think it's just that age where they want privacy when they are on the phone. Does he do it when he's talking to someone else, or just BM?

My SDs would not talk openly on the phone to NPD BM.   It sounds as if this really bothers you a lot - personally I would not give a stuff what the SDs say on the phone or in person to NPD BM.  I am 100% sure that there have been thousands of conversations about the dreadful Kes over the years, does this bother me? not one jot.  

It would concern me more that DH allows his exW to harangue him about stuff to do with SS.  My DH used to allow NPD BM to do this, for a few years after we met, until eventually he realised the truth of what I was saying to him about it, ie that he did not have to have conversations of this nature with her at all, if he chose not to.  

My skids faces turn pale when BM calls as they race around the house trying to find a place to hide and talk.

^^^THIS 100percent what CAPRICORN63 said^^^

OP, would you be OK with BM insisting on listening to SS's conversations with DH? I'm not clear why a kid can't have privacy speaking to his other parent.

Of course, could she be planting stuff in his head, I suppose. Could he be lying about stuff, maybe.  But IMO, he has the right to talk to his mom privately. 

I believe that is a bm move....cant you talk to meeeeee in private? Dosent your dad give you privacy? Gooooo find a place that you can freely talk to meeeeeeeeeeee, gosh I cant believe they wont give you privacy

Lets be real here--kids dont care about it unless they are sneeking around with their friends.

My SSs do this...one moreso than the other. Overly dramatic SS used to call BM multiple times during our visits to complain. It bothered me, too...especially since BM then turned around and told DH's family that I am jealous of her and that I sit around all day while SSs are with us and say terrible things about her (and DH's family believed her!!!). 

In the grand scheme of things, though, I don't really care what he says to her anymore or what she thinks. She's just bitter about the divorce (even though she was the one who filed for divorce, so she could marry someone else) and about the fact that DH had the nerve to move on and now has a better life than she does. 

If your DH and BM have conflict, BM will likely use the children to inflame the conflict. It's difficult to deal with, but you should try just to ignore most of it, because really, it will only drive you crazy. I say this as someone who is regularly driven crazy by BM and DH's family's insistence that they have to meddle to "protect the children", so I haven't figured out how to disengage, yet, but I'm working on it. 

I may have missed something but I don't see a problem with SS talking to his mother in private.  I am not sure what issue you have with it but I think kids and adults are entitled to talk in private especially to their parent.  

I think it is something that you have to just ignore and allow him the privacy.  If you feel something is said that shouldn't be or he is filming your house and sending her pictures yes that is a problem and address it  but I think you just have to let it go.  

Honestly, I’m an adult & have nothing to hide from my DH, but when I’m on the phone I usually go to a different room. Sometimes I just want to talk to a friend, my mom, whoever without having an audience. Plus he doesn’t need to be interrupted by my convo. He does the same when he’s on the phone.

My skids call their mum from anywhere in the house, but they’re still young. If they suddenly want to talk to her in their room I won’t see the issue with it. DH wouldn’t like it if BM monitored his calls with the boys so why should he monitor it on our end? The only time I’d have an issue with this is if alienation was an issue or if BM threw it in DH’s face. If that’s not happening then just let the skid speak to their mum. Meh. 

My SD13 usually goes in the other room to talk to BM and has for years. If she’s in a place where she can’t get away (like the car) she talks super soft or uses short answers. Sometimes in the car we don’t even know she’s on the phone and then gets mad when we’re talking too loud. *eyeroll*

When she was younger, she didn’t always leave the room (BM got her a smart phone when she was 7 going on 8, but that’s another story). But she would run off to her room, hide, and call BM when she didn’t like something DH or I did or said to her. 

My SDs 14 and 16 always talked to their mom in private. Mostly text conversations only in front of us. But they are older though. I think it is heathly fo rhim to have some privacy and let him feel like he can talk to his mom freely. He may be making comments and telling her that he misses her and do not want to hurt your feelings. Hopefully he is not playing both sides or talking negatively about you and your husband. If you are being kind and responsible you have nothing to worry about. 

If you find out that he is talking negatively or he is playing both sides, I would have his dad sit him down and have a converstation about how it is not okay to lie or talk badly about someone (whatever the situation maybe)

If i were you i wouldnt worry about it so much, more alone time for you and your hubby <3

My stepdaughers played both sides. Its ridiculous. Their mom walks around like she is perfect and talks to us like we are garbage parents. We just shook it off, cause we would have the kids later and they would talk about how aweful and rude their mom is etc. We just got to the point where my huisband and i know we are good people, we finacially emotional and are there at events physically support them. So they can play all the games and talk all the shit they want.  

Good Luck xo

D