OMG, men. Who washes sheets with dirty work clothes?!

Hope you feel better soon.

Damn your dh was an ass. Sorry to hear that.

And who washes ANYTHING ELSE with sheets?? Ain't rocket science. Its laziness.

Not only was your DH an @ss, he's an idiot! Washing your sheets with anything else, but especially that, is just gross! I'm so sorry that happened, but I'm glad he apologized. And I'm so sorry you're hurting. Hopefully, you have some good pain pills you can take and just close your eyes and get away from it all until you start feeling better. 

((Hugs)) Focus on recovery, take some time for you.  You got this, lady!

Sorry and hugs, men can be so darn clueless!  Focus on getting better and I hope each day brings you a better level of comfort 

Aww, justmakingthebest, I'm sending virtual (((HUGS))).  I'm so glad your DH apologized - that whole thing seemed pretty out of character for him.  I'm sure the stress of your surgery and the upcoming court hearing is getting to him, too.

Hang in there - I hope you feel a whole lot better soon!

Oh you poor thing! Have you called your doctor to ask about something different for the pain? I had a surgery last year and way in WAY more pain than I expected. Of course I was stubborn and didn’t call, then when the nurse called to check on me on day 3, she could hear in my voice that I was hurting and she asked if I wanted to try something else. The prescription change made such a huge difference, I wish I’d asked sooner.

As for your DH, he was a jerk. BUT I think men sometimes act that way when they find themselves in the caregiver role because they feel helpless. I told my husband that if I ever have surgery again, we will either hire someone to take care of me, or my mom will come and stay. He truthfully was just terrible at it and being pissed didn’t help me feel better. I hope you find some relief soon!

My heart goes out to you, dear lady,  because like many other women here, I've been there. It can be both physically and emotionally painful and easily overwhelming!  In hindsight...I wish I would have taken more time to rest, asked for more help from friends and family, and let go of all the things I thought I "should" be doing.  I ended up passing out on the kitchen floor from stressing and pushing too hard. So, I hope you can allow yourself time to rest and heal, keep asking for help even if people are jerks about it or it feels like they are unsympathetic, and know that you will be back to yourself or even BETTER before you know it!  It seemed like so much more than I could bare at the time, but I got through it and you will, too!  {{{Big hugs!}}  

ones as a consequence of being an idiot leaving used gum in his pants. Seriously who does that? Can’t be bothered to throw it in the bin well swallow it. It’ll only take about 3 days to pass through your digestive system 

I had the same surgery a couple years ago. I was told if there was bleeding to call or go to the ER right away. Now I didn’t have my gut ripped up by c sections so I’m not sure about the pain but it all sounds like you should get it checked. 

Im.so so sorry!

I think when it comes to man as caregivers you gotta give them explicit detailed instructions 

I had foot surgery a few yrs ago and my DH only wanted to do what he thought was cool, like bathing me!!! 

What about mowing the grass mofo?

Smh

Sorry to hear there hasn't been more improvement, Makingout. It's so stressful when you're immobile and then in pain, too. I hear it's a very difficult surgery, so when you're through it, you will have proved you are tough stuff!

I was laid up with a broken leg for three months. I learned my husband responded better when I used a little more directness in my requests than I'd normally use. Maybe it could work for you too. I figured as caregivers, men don't know what the hell to do and they don't know how the hell fast to do it even when they get a direct order. (Honestly, how are they running the f*****g world?) Anyway, when men talk to each other, they are a lot more direct than women. They don't soften their language so they don't sound like demanding bitches, you know what I mean?

So tell him directly what the task is and how soon you need it done and see if you don't get better results. Society tells men they are not natural caregivers, so for some, it seems awkward when it doesn't have to be.

The bottom line is he wants you to stop asking him for shit so he can do what he wants, so the sooner you get the shit you need from him, the sooner you WILL stop asking him for shit and everyone will be satisfied...and isn't that really what caregiving is about? (Ha, ha...I've been caregiving a sick dog for more than a year...my compassion is waning on all fronts...) So go ahead and ask for what you need because when you're satisfied, he can do what he wants...and he only has to be available like that temporarily -- until you recover.

Spend this time looking into long-term care insurance for your old age...sounds like we'll both need it!

I hope you feel better soon. 

At least your DH came around. 

I changed the sheets the night before surgery because I was supposed to sleep in as clean a way as possible. In the hospital for two days. Discharged in the morning. 

Though DH was present when the doctor told me what to do, he had his own agenda. And that included bringing me food in bed. I was under orders to sit still but get up to go for meals. I made up other reasons to get out of bed. 

DH brought me tacos. Hard to eat anyway.  Don’t like them really. He made an easy meal of the skids favorite. Harder to eat sitting slanted in bed. And I spilled some juice. I also hadn’t showered yet (wasn’t supposed to yet).

DH came in to ask me if I needed anything. Yes, I said. I said *very* clearly that I need the sheets changed. I felt dirty and there was food spillage. DH said a few more things, and I waited. I waited two more days. 

I heard DH in YSSs room. It was noisy. When he came in I asked if everything was okay. Oh, yeah. Fine. He told me that while he’s sleeping in there for a few nights to give me space he just didn’t like the idea of sleeping in dirty sheets. 

Oh, really gigantic turd of a husband? You asked me if I needed anything and I clearly stated that exact need. No suggestions and outright request. You can ignore me but do the same thing for yourself because you only were asking because you were supposed to and not because you were actually gonna do anything except what you thought I should want? I told him I’d have gotten better care from any one of my relatives. And I even named the more self centered one. Even that one would have fulfilled a direct request. 

And the man still did not do it. I’d had enough and changed them myself carefully the next day. He came in and saw me and said he was gonna do it. Really?! When, when you came back to sleep in here and didn’t like it?

It took him days to apologize and I was beside myself and yelled. It was not calm at all. I also pulled a muscle a bit doing it so I’ve got that little reminder every now and again. I find it hard to forgive him for it. It was such a dick move. 

Oh Dear! 

Please be gentle with yourself.  The surgery  will take time to heal from and then the lack of hormones  will kick in. That is when the 5 finger nut punch becomes a real distinct  possibility.  

This was major. I hope you get some support through it. If not... there are always people  here I've found.  

As your body shifts with the hormones,  never let anyone tell you you are crazy or any other negative thing. You  have a bit of a road . ahead. Take good care of yourself.  

Being in pain makes it SO MUCH easier to get angry. 

I was cramping all weekend (This rarely even happens, so I don't handle it well), DH was working, he wasn't responding to most of what I sent (because he was working). I swear I was ready to bite his head off for a moment there.