Gross!!!!!!!  I don’t even know what to say. She is crazy. 

What the hell? That's completely inappropriate. Good for your DH for saying something to her. She's clearly still carrying a torch for him.

Wowwww, she’s definitely the crazy one. I can see making a book like this for someone you’re still with, but 6+ years after you’ve divorced?? No. That’s way over the line.

As for her being ‘unappreciated’, it’s not your DH’s job to ‘appreciate’ her. Being the mother of his children means absolutely nothing. There’s no magical eternal bond or link between them because a biological function produced children many years ago. She’s a sad, sad woman if she’s still obsessing over your DH & needs to be that relevant in his life. I feel sorry for her. How pathetic.

People overstepping manners in a "nice" manner is the worst. So manipulative and infuriating. 

Yea, probably over the line -- hard to know without knowing more. I wouldn't expect your kids or you to be involved in a father's day gift from his other kids, especially if BM has no access to photos of your kids. I can understand why it irks you, but I'm not sure it's out of line. A lot of moms have to figure out gifts for their kids to give their dads at that age -- it's not like the kids can go get gifts themselves.

The bigger issue is probably how you react to this than that she did it. I suggest pitying her rather than confronting her.

As long as you and your husband agree that she's nuts, why say anything to her? She's not going to stop, and confronting her probably gets her all cranked up and then her kids have to deal with her all cranked up. And there's no telling what she's saying to them: "Your father hates the memory book because he doesn't love you anymore! He has a new family now!"

And how does it read to the kids when dad gives mom hell for making a memory book of THEM? I just think their kids could easily read themselves into this situation even though they play no role -- it's all about the adults -- so how you handle it impacts the kids. You don't want to put them in the position of feeling they need to defend their mom, especially if they feel any insult or sting that dad didn't like the dumb memory book.

If you need to set boundaries with BM, best to do it about things that the kids can't read into. If BM did it on purpose to shake you, BM played this one smart -- she used the kids as a shield to step over the line. But don't bite that bait -- BM can use anything you do in response to her overstepping to poison the kids.

No, it really is not DH's job to "appreciate" her.  At least your DH realises this, and had a word with BM about it.   She sounds like a sad woman, one can almost feel sorry for her if her actions weren't so passive aggressive towards you and your children. 

Such a thoughtful gift that took a lot of thought, time, and energy to put together.

And so inappropriate coming from an ex-wife... and we all know that that's where it came from, not the children.

Her being a mother to his kids trumps your relationship and marriage is typical GUBM. 

When my 2 sd’s re-initiated contact with hubby 5+ years after cutting off all contact (they were 22.5 & 13.5 at the time), they would do this hot and cold thing of ignoring hubby for months (thanks to bio mums alienation), then randomly message hubby a shitload of pics of hubby when still married to their mum and say oh we were just lookin through some photos and just happened to come across these and look how happy you are. What they fail to acknowledge is behind those fake smiles for the camera was a miserable husband and dad who couldn’t stand to be around your mum anymore.

so when sd’s send these random pics hubby is polite to just say “oh I didn’t know you kept pics” but he will every now and then send pics of our 2 kids with hubby if we are on holiday or something because those too are hubbys happy moments

look if the bio mum wanted a book of memories and you and your kids have been in his life for 6 years or so, she could have added pics of your happy moments as a blended family but lets face it, what bio mum who still hates the fact they are divorced wants to be making an effort to do a photobook with just his bio kids. What she has been very clear of is that you and your kids are not part of hubbys family and only his 3 bio kids are his centre of universe.

i doubt if curious georgetta remarried and was in a blended family or she was divorced and husband moved on and remarried that she willingly would do a photobook of her exhusband with his current wife and stepkids, you know because we need to let bio kids know they are the centre of hubbys world...

when my husband initiated divorce with the ex she cleared their house of all belongings and hubby assumed she burned the photo albums. Hubby didn’t want any reminder of the ex in his life anymore. He has photos and some videos of his kids with ex on his phone. 

This is just the same almost as when your kids are at school and asked to draw a pic of their family, i don’t see my kids drawing any of their 3 half siblings or the bio mum because there is no relationship there to begin with. If the half siblings were actively around my kids and involved with them in their lives and maintaining a relationship i’d see them drawing a pic of them

lets face it, divorced ex spouses often want to erase the fact of their ex moving on and remarrying, they hope the option is still there to get back together or at least the ex is so heartbroken that out of hurt and guilt he can be manipulated into serving the vindictive ex’s needs

Lets think like kids....go back in time when YOU were a 9 year old.

A memory book was NOT on radar for dad on Fathers day fyi my parents separated when I was young but did not divorce until much much later.... A tie, a coffee mug, pack of golf balls...

a memory book was NOT on the radar for mothers day gifts either...flowers picked from the garden...burnt toast or  a pop tart for breakfast...a hand drawn picture?

This BM thought this up all by herself....and she knew what your reaction would be.

 Let me guess "OHhhhhh sniff sniiffff,  the chilll-dreeeen thought you would LIKE THIS'''''...sniff sniff...

This reminds me of the sm on here who wrote his BM gave him underwear for Christmas or something like that...I could go on and on.

It’s a stunt that allows her to have plausible deniability if confronted about it. She can say ‘I thought it would be nice!!!! It’s from the KIIIDDDSS!!!’

Call the lunatic asylum, there’s an escapee!

That is weird. It's like she still holds a candle to him and is trying to get him to remember what they once had *shudders*. If BM did that with us, it'd go straight in the bin.

somehow it will always end up in the trash until it’s gone for good.  

Very inappropriate coming from an ex. The most BM has ever done for father's day was help SD make a handprint card for him. The photobook gift is over the top. I would be upset too.

I’m envisioning BM sitting in her dark room in front of her computer screen and spending endless hours cropping and putting over 100 pics together for this gift.

It’s freaking creepy if you ask me….Does she not have better things to do than reminisce on a life she once had with this man and kids?

Ewwww...

Yeah, she knew what she was doing overstepping like that... That's awful. Honestly I'd ignore the tears and tell her she can't do things like that. Period.

BLECK!

The only acceptable way to do this gift would have been to make contact with you and say “I’m doing a memory book for father’s Day, however I obviously only have photos for first X years, could you send some over from the last X years to be included” 

however what crazy BM would give over this admission that they are no longer a full living part of their ex’s life! And willing to pay for photos that don’t have them shown as the best part of ex’s life! 

What is it with crazy bm's and pictures???  Our bm did this too...when we first were together, she gave SD (who was like 9-10 at the time) her old wallet, with tons of pics of the 3 of them together and even headshots of just her (BM).  Which SD made a strong point to show me and DH over and over.  At the time bm had custody- so when SD would go home w/her belongings but the wallet was left behind over and over in his car or  our home...this happened for almost 2 months.  He had enough and threw it away-obviously the wallet wasn't important to her.  It was a ploy orchestrated by BM. 

Over the years she'd do the FB reminder pics to my SD's wall...photos that were old enough to have to be scanned of course...and sd has tons of albums already in print (SD) of all of them so it was again, intentional.  All of 3 of them ....and she would go reminiscing on the tagged posts...intentional.

This woman put us through hell...showed up at my fil's viewing/funeral...even w/OUT SD being there to stay relevant.

Her latest ploy was SD's graduation...texting incessantly leading up to it, making all the plans, inviting us all to lunch before the event, sending pics of the cake she ordered...I beat both her and SD to the punch because honestly after 10 years of nonsense I had enough.  I didn't go-to the lunch or graduation. I KNEW there would be insisted upon pics of bm/him/sd and then plastered all over FB....so I took myself right OUT of that dysfunction.  SD acted offended I didn't go....oh well.  I get along ok w/her now but wasn't about to play the effin picture game/fantasy anymore.  Lucky for me my DH who was somewhat bothered I didn't go simply because he didn't want to just be him/his mom/brother stuck with bm....but he 100pct backed my decision and never guilted me or fought w/me about it.

I told my SD my female dog was sick (and actually she was, she had a UTI) ....and congratulated her.  MIL had a hissy fit (just gives her something else to be mad at -figured might as well be me for a bit ha).  But even my BIL told SD-look....I'm not sure what her reasons for not coming are but understand that WE have to go as we are your family but absolutely nobody wants to be around your mom anymore after all she's done -you have to understand that?   She said she did.

This couple stood up for themselves, GOOD for them!   The picture insanity will never end if they don't end it now. 

Fatal attaction much?  BM is way over the line on this.  I am proud of your DH for immediately seeing the creepy in this and for confronting her on it.  Her tears are just more manipulation.

Ughhh.

I have found out the hard way in Step World that pictures, or more importantly who is or isn’t permitted to be in them, are often weaponized.  Really, when you think about it, nothing more strongly says, “You are just daddy’s ho” like for a SM to go to an event with her husband, and then SM being told to sit out or being forgotten to be called up for picture taking.  Meanwhile, the camera is going click-click-click every time DH and his ex- are anywhere near each other.  (Doesn't matter how long they've  been divorced or you and DH have been married.)  As a SM, you sit there and notice that every other married couple is together in any pictures, without anyone even thinking of second-guessing it or forgetting to pose them as a couple.

Or, if you are “permitted” to be in a couple of pictures with your own husband, just like any other married couple, then those pictures mysteriously disappear.  All of this will be twice as bad if the “professional” photographer is a family member.  So, you get another whammy of being treated like DH’s thang on the side by yet another.

Seeing this, my whole thought towards so-called family pictures and picture-taking, even, has changed.  I try not to give them anywhere near as much relevance.  I used to take a lot of pictures on trips.  Now, I don’t take any, and yes, even in this Self=me day and age.  My memory is enough.  Giving pictures less power and de-weaponizing them myself has been part of the cure.