Is it a “house” rule if it doesn’t apply to some kids?
Still on the damn computer rule, which is changing (computers in rooms are fine).
BUT, after another round of “oh but he needs it for homework” from DH it swirled in my head and the realization hit that the rule was put in place by DH (he came to me to for us to decide it’s a house rule) because my DS was bringing a computer from his dads (after asking) and it stayed in his room. Okay, fine. I’m all for no electronics in bedrooms. He said it was for everyone (and OSS was starting to try to bring a computer from BMs without asking so I mistakenly believed it would be for everyone).
BUT, over the years it has only been enforced for DS. DH has fought and excused every time a skid has had a computer in their room. Each one of the excuses is something I legitimately could have used as an excuse for DS to have a computer.
Hm, and DH is dumbfounded that DS feels like he’s singled out and held to things the other two are not. It’s not a feeling. It’s a fact.
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Confused
Are you saying your kid brought a computer for his room, and the stepkid was "starting to try" to bring a computer. Sorry, this is on YOU. YOU allowed your kid to break the rule, so of course his kid wanted the same. Own it.
What I got from it was that
What I got from it was that her kid brought the laptop from his dad's. So then her DH wanted a rule so kids couldn't have electronics in their room. Since then it's been enforced with OP's DS. BUT then SS started brining a laptop from his mom's house, and that hasn't been enforced at all, but when her DS tries it's blocked as a "house rule."
So basically the "house rule" only applies to DS and SS is being seen as exempt.
At least that's what I got from it.
Yes this
DS asked and I let him. DH didn’t like it. Wanted the rule. Was no rule before. OSS and YSS started doing it without asking and DH has said nothing. I made DS comply and he wasn’t allowed a computer in his room.
He thinks he's a good parent
He thinks he's a good parent because he has rules, but he doesn't enforce them because he's afraid of his kids getting upset with him. It's easier to enforce it with your son because that same fear of loss isn't there.
Your DH is really lacking in self-awareness if he can't see and admit that he does that.
When SS was in high school, we could see online that he was staying up all night playing video games. DH let the school know that, and the social worker there said that she knew that BM "strictly monitored SS's Internet usage". We were dumbfounded, that couldn't be further from the truth. But BM thought that made her look like a good parent to say she had that rule.
^ This.
Often times in our home, when skid (12) does or says something unfavorable, it’s “She’s just a child...”
When our almost 4 or 5.5 year old children do or say something unfavorable, they’re informed they’ve done or said something wrong, unkind, etcetera.
That’s when you point out to your spouse that they’re being a hypocrite.
This is clearly a rule for
This is clearly a rule for your son only, thinly guised as a ‘house rule’, because I’m guessing he thinks you’re not smart enough to catch on to the blatant double standard he has for your son.
At this point I’d simply tell him to back off your kid & you can parent your children separately. This is obviously a point of contention between you & your H is being totally unreasonable. If it’s a house rule it applies to ALL kids, not just yours.
No. It's not a house rule if
No. It's not a house rule if it only applies to DS. It has to apply to everyone to be a house rule. So you and DH need to decide. Is it a house rule and starts bieng enforced with SS, OR is it not a house rule and DS no longer has to adhere to it.
Huh
ARe you saying HER kid should get a computer in his room, but not HIS kid?
ETA -- if HER kid is bringing a computer, no reason why HIS kid should not get one
What?
What?
OP’s son brought a computer home from his Dads. OP’s DH created a ‘no electronics in the bedroom’ rule. OP’s DS complies. OSS brings home a computer, but there’s alway an excuse as to why the skids can have them, but OP’s DS can’t.
This is a double standard that OP’s DH creates. OP didn’t come up with that rule, and she does enforce it with her son. The skids get to do what they want.
Ummmm... Very clearly I'm not
Ummmm... Very clearly I'm not. I'm saying they need to decide the rule and have a blanket rule.
Her kid is NOT getting one and HIS are. Even though HE wanted the house rule of no electronics in the room. HIS are the ones with the computers after HE asked for the rule.
I told DH
That while there are mere months left for this to happen: he parents his kids and I parent mine and I’d better not hear him say a word to DS that’s in any way disciplinary.
And it wasn’t a suggestion it was a “how it’s gonna be” cause I’m done. We parent vastly differently. He says he’s softer but it’s from a place of fear and guilt. I’m harder perhaps because I’m not afraid my kid may like the other house better (he may, that’s possible).
I’m glad to hear that!! My
I’m glad to hear that!! My blood boils when I read about such blatant double standards on this site.
Maybe it's just me, but I've
Maybe it's just me, but I've been reading the rule/computer saga and I just don't 'get' it.
These boys are high school and/or about to be college students. Why the h*ll cant all of them have computer in their rooms? Monitor them, put controls on them, whatever the 'issue' is.... but the boys aren't young kids.
I know
That’s why I already was talking to DH about rescinding it soon. But the fact remains that the skids got away with breaking it over the years.
I wasn't allowed a computer
I wasn't allowed a computer in my room all growing up. Never bothered me. it was just a rule and that was that.
Parents pick different things for different reasons. *shrug*
To me house rules are things that relate to the house
Like no shoes in carpeted areas, no food in living room, dishes get rinsed and put in dishwasher after use.
Computer in the bedroom, unless kid shares a room are KID rules and unless the noise keeps others awake is a KID rule and the BIO parent has to decide. Now if one kid gets a laptop, and the other does not (assuming close in age), there will be jealousy issues, and parents should get in front of it.
"Oh.. Hey.. DH.. just wanted
"Oh.. Hey.. DH.. just wanted to let you know, I gave DS permission to have his computer in his room since he needs it for homework now.. just like your kids do"....
You know, the more I think
You know, the more I think about the this, the more I think he wanted this "rule" because he was upset that your kid had something his kids didn't have - a computer in his room.
Maybe
DS only brought it over occasionally.
I also got “But YSS has no friends in the area and he likes building computers and it’s the only way he can communicate with his friends.”
1. DS had no friends in the area when we moved to DHs house. And we mistakenly thought from the way DH talked that the skids had neighborhood friends. Far from it. DS was also lonely and didn’t want to be at DHs house for a long time
2. DS likes to build computers and has made a few with his dad.
3. DS also had no way to get to his friends houses for many years and he still didn’t get a computer in his room to “stay connected.”
YSS will soon have access to a car and will be able to drive around just like the other two.
BINGO!
BINGO!
Ye Olde
rules for thee (your kid) but not for me (my kid)
GAG!
Yep nature hates a vacuum--when dadddeeeee is a guilty parent and won't parent his own he'll look for someone ELSE'S kid to crack the whip on... usually SM's.