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Not looking forward to this....

tankh21's picture

The countdown begins and the step spawn will be staying for a month at our house. My anxiety is heightened and our grocery is going to double. I will not ask my DH to not take his kids for his summer visitation but I am the only one working and I am not paying for them to eat us out of house and home. DH is trying to get his own business running and I am paying most of the bills as it is. I just feel that it is not fair to me. Am I wrong to feel this way? How do you deal with a situation like this?

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Surely, your husband has savings that he can tap into.  Those funds should be used to purchase extra food that his sons will consume. Those funds should also be used to cover whatever activities he plans to do with his boys during their summer stay.

Truth be told, some of his savings should be going to you each month to help with the bills.

Kids eat like crazy during the summer.  Your husband could buy a bunch of cheap snacks and kid friendly foods from ALDI's, Dollar Tree...and local farmers markets.  

 

 

 

still learning's picture

This is the situation DH and I will be in this summer. I'll have all my kids with me but I'm taking a leave of absence from work so we can travel and do fun stuff. I have savings that will cover all the costs so DH isn't burdened by all the extras.  

momjeans's picture

The scales are extremely tipped here. Does he have a business plan in place? Money set aside for the expenses for that month of visitation? A family member he can ask for a personal short-term loan from? 

If I were you, I’d expect him to be peddling his arse, his expertise, trade, whatever... in order to pool some money together for himself and his spawn.

Does he seriously expect you to pick-up all the slack, when it comes to money? 

OMG. I would die. And, yeah, my anxiety would be through the roof too. 

tog redux's picture

I would expect my DH to get a paying job and support his own kids during their summer visitation.

People with children don't get the luxury of "starting a business" without any income.  Tell him to get a flipping job and "get his business running" in his free time.

 

tankh21's picture

I actually told him that he will be up to him to come up with the money for the summer visitation and that it's not my responsibility. I mean it's not my fault that he got laid off and has kids.

tog redux's picture

And what happens when he doesn't provide for them? Will you buy them food anyway?

sunshinex's picture

Look. I get it. I HATE my job of 8 years and am working to leave. I have my business all setup and I'm starting to market. But guess what? In the meantime, I'm working at that job I hate AND freelancing on top of it to set money aside for when I've finally had enough (or my crazy boss lets me go) so I can leave and still care for my kid financially while I wait for profits to come in. 

Your husband needs to own the fact that he's chosen to be an entreprenuer - which means struggling to get his business going WHILE WORKING because he has kids and obligations he needs to handle. Yeah, some days will be hell because he'll work an 8 hour shift and come home only to focus on his own business for at least 2-3 hours. That's life when you're starting out as an entrepreneur. 

 

DPW's picture

Exactly. SO and I own a small business PLUS I also work on the side. We put in so many hours per week as the business is new and we are still in growth stage. Tis the life of a business owner. OP, your DH needs to see this. 

twoviewpoints's picture

Your Dh was minus a job last year during the skids annual summer prolonged visitation, too. 

I can't think of anything more miserable than to sit in an apartment for 30 days listening to two teenage boys whining over being (rightly) hungry, 'what's to eat', 'I'm hungry, when can we eat more'. 

If Dad can't afford much for food he also can not afford kid entertainment (food being, of course, the priority between the two choices). Then its "I'm bored", kids fighting with each other out of sheer boredom...

apartment Dh is putting his own desire to claim his time over the best interest of his sons. What is terrible summer month for you and the boys. 

ESMOD's picture

Girl, I'm also on the "your husband doesn't have the luxury of being his own boss" right now.  From your posts over time, it's clear you both are very tight financially.. and that he often is not picking his end of the stick. 

I don't know if he is just using you.. or whether he is just a lazy man-baby that has no problem watching you work your fingers to the bone while he plays video games while you are at work and tells you he is "building his business". 

I know that unemployment pays precious little.. and you have a 2 week waiting period in most places.. so he is likely not covering much above his support obligations.  I'm guessing you are paying for most everything else.

He needs to get a 40 hour a week job... doing pretty much anything.. will be more than unemployment.  Then he can spend the rest of his time building his business (whatever that is).  The week has 168 hours.. 40 for his job.. 56 for sleep still leaves 72 hours for him to commute, bathe, eat and work on a 2nd business. 

Don't let him off the  hook. 

As far as the kid's visitation.. they are growing age boys.. they are going to eat.  all that can be done is to stock up on bulk snacks.. and don't leave high priced things available for them to eat up.  don't make two meals worth of chicken legs and put them in the fridge.. you know they will eat them.  Plus.. don't give your DH any money to go out to eat.  Also, look into reasonable takeout options like little Ceasar's pizzas which are pretty reasonable if you get the basic cheese or peperoni.

The problem is that I can see your DH will be even less inclined to work with his kids at the house.. and more inclined to blow whatever little bit of money he does have access to.  hope you don't have joint accounts.

Cooooookies's picture

OP I just can't even comment on your DH.  The things you post in your blogs just make him a man-child who doesn't parent his children and 100% sponges off of you while walking all over you.

Seeing as that is the case, I wouldn't pay for one cent of anything while they're there.  This isn't a case of teamwork, your DH doesn't support you or contribute much beyond grief and headaches.

Tankh, I'll say it again and again.  Run...you deserve far, far better than this.

Ispofacto's picture

He can work part time and still collect unemployment while he looks for a fulltime job.  $100/week would go a long way toward the grocery bill if he shops smart.

 

Harry's picture

A business started when he has bills to paid.  As food for his kids,  make him get a job ASAP to paid for his kids.  Not one cent of my money would go to SK when they are at your home.  Make DH. Who  doesn’t have a job, do the shopping, cooking, and cleaning,  get some type of work to paid for the food.  

He wants his kids,he pairs for them, any Exter time after, work, shopping, cooking, cleaning, he can work on this business.  What going to fail anywhy because everyone expect you walks all over him.  

Cover1W's picture

Two years ago my DH decided to take the summer off work to spend more time with SDs. He's a contract employee who can do this. However he did not discuss the ramifications with me prior to doing so. 

I did not agree at all needless to say. I paid for no extras, expended no extra help, did less cooking, etc. He went into debt that he's still paying off (you know the mortgage payment still exists!), Didn't spend much time with SDs doing much (too expensive!), And found out again that cooking for them and providing expensive food requests is, well, expensive.

See, the prior year I had helped more and figured out how much I actually spent on SD things. It never happened again.