I haven't written in awhile because life has become crazy. So SD13 has been in therapy, has finally been put on some medication for her depression and anxity but now blaming the adults for not getting her on medication soon enough. BioMom kept changing her therapist and she was never going enough that one felt comfortable with making a diagnosis referral to a pyschiotrist. Since November when her mother moved to the next town and notified us after the fact that we would need to bring her to school in another town (no longer could she take the bus). SD13 has missed 28 days of school, has been kicked out of school on a dozen occassions, she is failing all her core classes (F's 30's) she skips school, she has been suspended for vaping, fighting and telling off teachers. The school has done everything they can, SD13 hasn't done even 10% of all the work due this year so the school took her out of her specials and placed her in a 2 hour study hall to make up work but most days she gets kicked out of that too. BM has made excuses for her constantly, she doesn't punish so a typical week looks like this:

SD gets kicked out of school early on a Friday. BM picks her up. That night BM brings her and friend to the ballet, then Saturday SD goes to the movies or rolling skating with friends then has fiends sleep over, then her and her mom go shopping where BM spends 100's of dollars on her each week. Sunday afternoon she comes to our house, talks about all the things her quilty mother has bought her and then retreats to her room and refuses to do things with us because we are not spending all of our money on her. She is with us until Wednesday where we hold her accountable for her actions, her behavior and school work. Then she goes to moms after school on Wednesday and rinse and repeat with mom rewarding her shitty behavior.

Talk of saying fuck it lately has occured. We cannot make it a DAY without her doing something illegal or against the rules. She is OUT of control. Her school finally said in the 5th parent meeting" We cannot handle her anymore, she will start at the Grow School in the next week" this is a theraputic school, exactly what she needs. So when they told her this Friday at school she had a meltdown and was sent home with her mom.

Fast forward to yesterday: SD comes to our house, starts rambling on about all the things her mom bought her and all the things they did. Then mentions the Grow School. I have a friend who works there and I have read all 75 pages and highlighted areas of the Student Handbook.I start to tell her the reality of this school: Escorts to the bathrooms, they unlock and wait, if she has a cell phone on her they will confiscate it and her parents will need to pick it up at the local police station. She cannot miss school or the cops will pick her up and bring her, she will not be sent home for bad behavior because they will handle it. I talked about the "Safe Space" room that if she felt she would lose her temper she could go, but she replied with "I will just scream at the people, I will punch and kick" and I stated "They are also allowed to use physical restraints if they deem it necessary" She replies " I wont' go to this school, I will have my mom sign me out' I said to her "You have no choose, your school is DONE with you"

She then said she will just be on her best behavior so she can go to the high school next year, apparently her Guidence Counseler stated she could go to high school next year if she completed the 8 weeks at the special school. I do not believe this to be true. I then told her "You cannot keep it together for one day at school, can you do it for 8 weeks?" and she is like well you seem to think I cannot. She is correct.

She then went and called her mom saying that I told her all of this and she doesn't want to go to the school. This made Biomom call and ask why they are not on the same page, well my DH states "We have never been on the same page, our home is about accountablity, and reality and you live in lala land" their conversation was not good so SD heard much of what was being said, she then came down the stairs, walked out the door then back in. I went outside and noticed she had thrown glass objects on the driveway to break them. I told DH and he asked me "Should I call the cops" and I said yes.

SD called her mother to come get her as the two police arrived at our house, they asked her to tell them what happened and then followed up with a lot of conversation about anger issues and that in the near future that can get her in some real trouble, they told her everything I have been telling her for a while, I know it falls on deaf ears. Then BM and DH went to talk to the police outside and BM left.

Then DH was PISSED and starting telling me he was down with these two bitches in his life, well SD heard this and came downstairs puffing her chest saying "Say it to my face" and he did. She then started saying he has never done anything for and at least her mother does and that she hates us and our home.  OUR HOME: Peaceful, Loving, Cooked Meals, Family Time, Homework Help... But because we dont bring her shopping all the time she doesn't want any part of us. This fight went on, I have never yelled at her until yesterday because I couldn't take her toxic bullshit anymore in my home. I called her on all the shit she was spewing and the reasoning for her moms guilt spending, she said "You don't think I know that" I then replied" well don't punish your father who runs the adminstative partof your life because your mother is incapable of doing so" She just kept saying "I Don't care" and I screamed back "WE KNOW! WE KNOW YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT ANYTHING" She then states "You came into this home, you ruined my home, and you changed my dad"  Which she HAS NEVER DONE, in the last couple years she has gone on and on about how her dad is easier to get along with because of me, that she wanted nothing more than me in the house because her and her dad sometimes had trouble relating. I know she was hurting so she decided to hurt me, this has never been the case with her.

I have been on the edge of disengagement for months now, I have started to back off from being her driver, chef, therapist and advocate. I then lost it, I said "Is this the story you are going to stick too?" and she looks at me and says "Yup" so I finally said "I am done, if you are going to be a little bitch, I am not doing anything for you ever again" I marched outside and proceeded to tell DH that was it, I wasn't going to let this kid who I have bent over backwards for treat me in such an ungrateful, horrible way" He stated "It was only a matter of time" BM came to get her without a few jabs by DH about bringing her shopping for her behavior and I am more of a mother than she is, all she replied was "It's not a contest" and he was lucky to have me. I think paying more in schild support may be worth us keeping our sanity at this point.