Seeing into the future

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Does this step family structure work for anyone?

I'm trying to figure out ways that I can disengage and make it work for myself but I'm running out of ideas.

I've accepted that for the next decade, my partner is going to have to live a life of involuntary servitude because his ex-wife "accidentally" got pregnant a month into dating (oopsie!) and after the divorce she convinced the courts to order child support based on double his income. I've accepted that. It's not going to change. This is why you don't screw a crazy bitch. This is what I have signed up for as a step girlfriend. His children don't deserve to be financially abandoned.

Where I struggle is I look at my partner's daughter and I do not see a lot of potential there. I do not see a girl who is going to grow up to be a high achiever. I see a nine year old who is slow and obese and will probably be even more obese as an adult. I see a girl who was not very intelligent. She does not follow directions well. She is completely unaware of herself and her surroundings. She's clumsy. She will probably not graduate with great grades. She probably will not get into college. I don't know what kind of a job she's going to have. Probably something entry level. She's not cute. She doesn't have a great personality. I see her possibly getting knocked up by the first guy who pays her any attention. I see her not even realizing she's pregnant until she's seven months along. As I write this, I feel awful. I feel like the biggest bitch you can imagine. But that's what I see. Worse, I fear she will turn out with a personality disorder like her hideous mother.

I can accept that his children are entitled to support by him until they are adults and I understand I will have to pick up the slack for that. But when I look at this girl's future it absolutely terrifies me because I do not want to be part of it. I don't want to be part of the bailing out. I don't see her supporting herself. I don't want to support her and possibly her kids. I don't think things will ever shift to where I become the priority for my partner. Not as long as she has needs.

Even if I'm able to disengage financially, my partner will just continue to use his resources to help her and not me so it will just continue down this path.

I think this girl deserves to be around someone better than me.

It makes me sad.

My 3 skids expect daddy to give them an allowance

indefinitely. This came from eldest sd23 now and she said that at age 22.5 when she’d graduated a business honours degree. She has had her graduate job for over 3 months now, still gets an allowance from hubby

thanks to hcgubm, the pas and narcissm these 3 skids are destroyed and stunted for life. Everytime the 2 adult skids (sd23 and ss21) screw up even more all i visualise is great, my kids i have already with hubby and any subsequent kids woth hubby will be subsidising their dysfunction and stunted development of no fault of my own kids.

I’ve told hubby you want to be fair but the same privilege is never being given to ours so when will you be teaching skids to be independent and self-sufficient.

is sd23 gonna marry and still demand money from daddy? Guilt him for it? Thats just stupid!! But then again in our culture when you marry there are no funds from mummy and daddy like monthly allowances. You need to manage your own finances that you earn

Regardless of the issues your

Regardless of the issues your Skid's have inherited from their parents... at some point those issues become the kid's resp responsibility to solve.

We all have baggage from our parents at some level. Fortunately most of us are viable adults and rectify those issues successfully and do not continue to suck off of the parental tit... so to speak.

My brother gives his children 6 months of transition time on the parental checkbook when his kids graduate from college. It started as two months of full support then 2mos at 2/3 and a final 2mos at 1/3. Now he just cuts them a check for the total amount upon graduation and they are on their own.

My niece struggled mightily with launching. She had zero clue about bills, car insurance, registration, etc, etc,et. and got herself into a pickle. Conversely her younger brother, my eldest nephew, is very aware of how things work, has saved a ton of $ all through college by managing this stipend my brother and my SIL provide and the lump sum he will get this coming Saturday when he graduates will just be notable windfall.

My son chose a different path. He enlisted in the USAF at 18 and pretty much has been on his own since we dropped him off at the MEPS center. We did buy him a brand new car as a combination HS graduation, Christmas, Enlistment gift. He let us off the hook to the tune of ~$100K by enlisting rather than taking up our offer of a full parental ride to any school he wanted to attend. 8 years later he is kicking butt and intends to do 20 years in the USAF... or more. He just finished his ASCS and is working on completing the last two years towards his BSCS. When he graduates with his BS... we will probably buy him another new car.

It is a fine balance to get kids launched and prepared for life and not ruin them by coddling.

I hope your DH figures this out... soon.

My 3 skids expect daddy to give them an allowance

I’ve told hubby you want to be fair but the same privilege is never being given to ours so when will you be teaching skids to be independent and self-sufficient.

My 3 skids expect daddy to give them an allowance

I’ve told hubby you want to be fair but the same privilege is never being given to ours so when will you be teaching skids to be independent and self-sufficient.

If you really feel that way

Then it’s time to leave. In marriage all financial things are agree by birth parity’s. DH should not be giving exter money to his kids behind your back. You have to be ok with CS, you have no choice. And DH should have another $50 to $100 a week for daily money. Same as you. Any other ,only should be agree apond together before spending it, If he wants to give his kids the $50. That up to him. if you want to spend your $50 on starbucks that find. But DH then does not get Starbucks,

A lot of what you describe

A lot of what you describe might mean the girl has a legit developmental issue. Has she been tested? What does your BF do to encourage self improvement in his daughter? no.. don't be fat.. but certainly he should be encouraging her to live a healthy life and to do well in school etc...

This girl is half your DH.. as well as BM. She is likely to have traits of BOTH of them.

What she is like at 9 may or may not be what she is like as an adult. But, if your BF is just letting things run their course.. and doesn't parent her.. then he is a poor father.. and not a great choice of BF.

Oh girl, I do not envy you. I

Oh girl, I do not envy you. I'm not sure I could handle this. My SO's kids are smart, well-behaved, and cute. It's an ongoing struggle with SD9 to get her to wipe as well, but I'd say she does it at least 80% of the time, and there are no issues of stray poop lying around, so I can't complain much. Has anything improved since the loss of screen time threat was implemented?

I don't have any advice, but this step-life thing is super hard without adding a skid who is dumb as a box of rocks with the hygiene of a hobo. Godspeed.

First, you are not married to

First, you are not married to this guy, so I would advise you not to support him financially. We blame the BM for child support but these men know that they get screwed over financially when they leave these women, so that’s their problem. You should not ever compensate for his bad actions. Second, parents do not need to support their kids wel into adulthood. This is a millennial ideal and it is just wrong. At 18, you either go to college, go into the military, or get a job. Period. If bf wants to pay for his adult kids then it needs to be on his dime. Third, just be kind. This girl may not be anything special but she is something special to her dad.

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