Skids on mothers day?
So we recently went back to every other weekend with skids! We were going to wait until next weekend to get them because of mothers day, but decided this weekend would be fine if they go home Saturday night. DH springs on me today that BM said we can keep them until Sunday night and said yes without even consulting me.. i told him absolutely not and he wants to throw in my face that he hasent seen them in 3 weeks ( due to the birth of our son) and that I already had my time without them. I get where hes coming from, but tomorrow is my day and i want to just be with my kids.. is that so wrong? Im so hurt that hes not considering my feelings on a day thats meant to celebrate everything I do. Not to mention BM send SS here sick, while we have a 3 week old baby. The sooner he leaves the better.
I'm going to preface this by
I'm going to preface this by saying I see why you're upset as a new mother:
You and DH agreed that this week/weekend would be the start of 50/50. That means that Saturday is your DH's night.
To be considerate of his XW on Mothers Day, he offered her Saturday night and Sunday. She declined.
As it is your DH's weekend, he is responsible for his kids. Even if it wasn't his weekend, if BM refuses to take them and isn't willing to find a sitter, then your DH would still have his kids.
I DO think he could have framed it better as "BM is refusing to take the kids, so they're going to have to stay here" versus "I haven't seen my kids and you're being selfish!" Ultimately, whether he agreed with her or not on this issue, the outcome was going to be the same: BM refused the kids on DH's time, which makes it DH's responsibility to mind them.
I understand your frustration with the situation, but also keep in mind that your DH misses his other kids, too. He's going to want to see them, even if it interferes with plans that you had. Given the current situation, I would recommend moving Mothers Day activities to the next weekend the SKs are with BM.
I'd also have a chat with your DH about making sure the SKs spend the day with BM in the future. Though, if this is the week you all chose or was given to DH for custody, there may not be much you can do if BM says no.
Not the situation. Last week
Not the situation. Last week BM agreed to have kids returned at 8pm Saturday night (i texted her personally) she randomly texted DH today asking if we WANTED to keep them. He said yes without consulting me. It wasnt an obligation it was an option and we already had it planned with BM that theyd go home tonight. In the past BM took kids for mothers day and we would get them for fathers, regardless of whos weekend it was..
Apologies then, because your
Apologies then, because your OP made it seem like BM wasn't going to take them.
Your DH should have consulted you. If he wanted to see his kids, he had all day he could have spent with them and taken them back to BM for 24 hours to spend the day with her (as they should on Mothers Day).
If BM is generally this agreeable, and has taken them in the past, I'm quite surprised she gave up time with them this year.
Regarding SS being sick, unless he has a vaccine-preventable disease, vaccines won't help your baby fight whatever bug your SS has. However, your LO may still have some of your immunity in their little body left which should offer a mild amount of protection. Just make sure SS stays quarantined in his room. If DH won't enforce that, then you stay quarantined with new baby and have a fireside chat with DH later about being a lackluster parent/partner.
In this scenario, I'd book
In this scenario, I'd book myself a hotel and leave with my own kids for the evening. I don't have kids, but I've done this before when DH has invited skids (and skid friends) after talking to BM but not talking to me. In my mind...it's my house, too, and it's just disrespectful to not communicate about things that will affect me.
I've never said "NO" to having skids for extra or allowing them to have friends over...but I have left to enjoy my "Me" time when DH has agreed to something without involving me in the decision.
You should get yourself a nice room with a bathtub...take your kids to a nice breakfast...spend the day the way you want to and let DH and DH alone deal with the aftermath of his decision to go back on your agreement and keep skids.
So grateful I have my kids today and no stepkids!
Mothers Day is for your real children, however you define that. Some step-parents may choose to include s-kids in that equation; I personally do not. To me, Ale1519's DH should've respected she gets to make the call on Mothers Day. It is one day a year, whatever his parenting schedule may be. And right after the birth of a baby, when she's probably not getting much sleep, just be nice for God's sake and let it be her day! He sounds like an asshole.
I managed to have mother's
I managed to have mother's day with my son (18-months old) in a sneaky way, despite us having SD7 for the day (and all the time!) I just said we would go out so they can clean the house for me, and I'd bring BS because otherwise he wouldn't let them get anything done. It was an amazing day - we went to a waterpark and out for lunch after. Now we're snuggled up about to take a nap. You do you. It's not exclusion - it's your day as a mother to spend with your own children.
Love this, Sunshine.
Love this, Sunshine.
Honestly, a mom with a baby less than a month old should be allowed to cuddle up with her baby all day long on Mother's Day. That should be protected. Her husband should be doing anything he can to make this day special for her...not going behind her back to give BM a free day and throwing his wife under the bus in the process.
What kind of moron doesn't realize that you need a little peace and quiet and protection from the outside world after having a brand-new baby? One who never has to deal with nighttime feedings and changings, I would imagine.
My husband's a winner. I was
My husband's a winner. I was honestly expecting him to say something about leaving SD out but he didn't say a thing. He was actually really happy I enjoyed the day with my son - AND he cleaned the entire house spotless. SD, naturally, didn't clean her room like I asked for mother's day. But what else is new?
And I absolutely agree. I can't imagine not having a special mother's day with a newborn - everyday with a newborn is so special and difficult as hell, so you should at least have your husband's support on mother's day of all days.
OP, I hope you at least got to take a long nap and a nice bath or something. Please do update us and let us know how your day went.
Only after an arguement, he
Only after an arguement, he finally agreed he would take skids to moms house mother's day morning. Still not ideal. He claimed he needed to keep them because she doesnt want them there anyways- ok but how is that my problem?? Anyways he did get me my favorite food & watched my favorite show with me & cared for newborn best he could (im breastfeeding so theres not much he can do)
Time for you to plant your
Time for you to plant your foot firmly up DH's ass that never again will he make plans with BM that impact you without your prior approval.
End of discussion.
He gets zero leaway on this going forward.
IMHO of course.
Happy mother's day by the way.
Your DH is an a-hole
If my husband pulled a stunt like this on me, it would be like a tsunami/hurricane/volcano all rolled in to one. You have just had a BABY for God's sake! Even putting that aside, it is MOTHER'S DAY so why doesn't BM want to have her kids on that day?? This would be a hill to die on for me. F**k no!
I'm getting worked up just thinking about this!