Just because your partner thinks SS is old enough to get a key, doesn't mean he's responsible enough to have one. If he can barely close the door and forgets to lock it, than that's a problem you both don't need. So I would remind your SO of this and that right now you don't think its a good idea. You should both see if he proves himself responsible before making a decision. Also what's with YOU making SS a sandwich....what's wrong with your SO doing it?

You live in that home so what goes down is just as much your decision as his so don't let him think he can do what he wants without discussing it with you 1st.

As a SM and a BM.  I don't like the idea of undersupervised teens, for more than occassionally.   He will be there and KNOW that no one can check in.  

I had a key to my mom and stepdads house as a teen in highschool. You know what I did with it? I went home and made lunch, sure, but I also brought friends and let them grab snacks, got high in the living room, etc. so yeah, I'd say it's a nope for me. Just having experience as a teenager lol. 

Oh, lawd, no.

My own kids never had keys to our house.  They had the code to the garage door, and I would unplug that when we were away.  I'd go on vacay with DH while they were on vacay with their dad.  I never wanted them coming home a day early and having a party in our house.  Too many "nice" kids I knew in highschool destroyed their parents' houses doing that.  Not to mention SS and his teen friends having sex in your house, maybe even your bed, while you're not home.  Going though your things.  Taking stuff.

While my kids never had a key, DH gave SD15 a key without asking me.  DH was out of town with SD for a sports tournament two weekends ago, leaving me home alone all weekend.  I felt unsafe, and I ended up locking my bedroom door while I was sleeping.  DH's BM is a psychopath, and I don't use that term loosely.  (https://www.steptalk.org/forum/parenting/mentally-unfit-biological-paren...)  I really wouldn't put it past BM or her Mealticket to come in our house and assault or kill me.  I told DuH he is an idiot for giving our house key to Norma Bates.  Objectively, he couldn't deny it.

DH also gave a key to our next door neighbor without asking me, to feed SD's gecko when we are out of town.  Our neighbor is a nice guy, but he's a naive single dad to 4 teenagers, and keeps our house key hanging in his kitchen!  A few weeks ago it came to my attention that someone soiled the sheets in our guest room, having intercourse whilst on the rag.  It was obvious.  My DuH said it was clearly just a little blood from a scratch on his knee when he slept there one night when he was ill.  You know, because I don't know what period blood looks like.  What idiots these men are.  I told him to get the key back, but he's too much of a coward to ask for it.  Copies have probably been made anyway.

I'm having the locks re-keyed Monday morning.  I told him to make different arrangements for the pet, or I'll get rid of it.

Wait, so he won't be "lonely" at lunch? Isn't there a cafeteria full of kids he can eat with at school? Doesn't he have any friends? Why would he want to come to your house at lunch?

My SS19 never had and never will have a key to our house. BM would have been in there in a flash.  Stick to your guns and tell DH this is a deal breaker for you.

I'd be more worried about him bringing girls home during lunch....

I would say no. And why would he be "lonely"? Does he not have friends he can hang out with at lunch? That's a very odd request and sounds like this kid is a loser who cant remember simple things. 

And wtf why would your husband even suggest that YOU make him a sandwich. Kid can make his own damn sandwich. Freeloader

Nope, absolutely not.

"for him to come home at lunch time so he won't be lonely"

How is he going to not be lonely if no one is home when he goes home for lunch? Haha, nice try, BM.

So he won't be alone? He knows all those kids at school also eating lunch at the same time are in fact, OTHER PEOPLE! Hell no. I wouldn't let him in my house when I wasn't there doing god knows what, likely leaving a mess, etc.

have a key because DH and I get home after they do most days and they need to be able to enter the house and just so they can get into the house if we aren't home BUT they are also pretty responsible and they are our kids so there is no chance of snooping. Youngest DD's best friend lives across the street and she still sends me a text and asks if she can come over (they are 15). The 17 year old still asks as well if she has someone over so they are pretty good kids. 

I have been told that I am a bit crazy in terms of my "no unsupervised overnights" rule. As in I don't leave the kids overnight if DH and I will be gone. One of the older kids usually comes and stays with them or they stay at their house. 

so what he doesn’t have friends at school?

how about hubby makes that daily sandwich for his kid? Is bio mum incapable of making lunch for her child? This is like basic parenting 101 people!!

I didn't read all the comments but I will say this:

My kids have keys to both my home and my exH's houses (They had one when he was in the next town over and when he was 3 hrs away, and they will get one for his house on the other side of the country). I would never deny any of my kids or SS's keys to our home- it is their home too. They aren't guests at our house. 

That being said- I don't understand BM's logic with the reason why he needs a key. I think SS should have just asked his dad for a house key and leave it at that. If trust with that key is ever violated he would lose the privilege of having one, but a kid not having a key to a parent's house seems really weird. 

OP - how old is your stepson? You mentioned he hasn't yet gone to high school but, as you're in the UK, I'm supposing that he is 11 or under. 

Ummm. Just no.

You could compromise and give the key but set up a Nest camera in the house and tell ss that it is there. If for any reason he unplugs the camera or brings anyone over including BM then you take back the key. I always try to come up with a compromise because then when the kid screws up, which he will, then you get your way in the end, and BONUS, you get to tell DH “I told you so.”

Keypad on the garage with the door unlocked in the house. Kid can get in and out, but doesn't have anything to lose or be copied. Put a camera, rather visibly, at the keypad. Make it clear NO ONE is to come home with him. First time it happens, code gets changed and he loses the privilege. If he comes home with an adult, BM included, cops get called.

I agree to Get a nest camera but don't tell anyone!!!!!! Then give the key and see what happens.

Before me, the Toxic Troll would steal Feral Forgers key from her (she was teen about 14-15 ish.) So if SO as gone, TT could drop them off anytime, etc. And she would stay. And help herself to whatever.

SH and I have talked it over - no key for Munchkin SD13. We will leave her alone at times, but normally is she is there we are there too. She doesnt drive yet, so when she is older, hopefully in college we will revisit.

I myself did not have a key to the house until about 18 or later.

that SD13 still has a key to our house. She stayed home sick on Easter when DH and I were going to see my family. DH let her borrow the key so she could lock up when BM came to pick her up. We have one of those video camera doorbells and you bet your bottom dollar I checked it to make sure SD actually locked up the house. I could see BM and she knew it was a camera because while she stood there waiting for SD, you could tell she was uncomfortable and tried to cover the camera with her elbow.

Does that make me paranoid or crazy? I wasn’t spying on SD, I was making sure she was being responsible because she rarely shows that she can be. I just hope she hasn’t lost the key.