Psychopathic ex-wife! Need Help!

Hi everyone,

I am needing some advice and a little bit of TLC of how to cope with my situation. I am hoping some inviduals can somehow provide the right guidance for me in order to cope with all the drama and ordeal. I recently had a huge scare regarding my Fiance's ex-wife. She lives in a different state, but still continues to harrass the Fiance daily through text, calls, and emails. Recently, she flew from whatever hell she came from to stalk my Fiance and verbally and physically abuse him. I did not know this until this psychopath came unannounced to my home and let herself in somehow. Since I have never met her in person, I was bewildered who this strange, crazy woman, was that wont leave my house even after threatening to call 911 and have her arrested for trespassing. She wouldnt give me her name and she pretended to be a friend of my Fiance's. Yes, I know psychopathic! I eventually called 911 and she fled. I had my Fiance send me a picture of his ex to identify the stranger, and sure enough it was his ex! I'm so scared and I feel absolutely violated! I don't know how to move on from this.... Apparenty she has been stalking us somehow. I wanted to file a restraining order, but thats a whole slew of crap, especially since she lives in a different state. I'm afraid of her coming back to wreck more havoc. I am having trouble sleeping at night fearing she might be lurking over me. Please help.

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You both need to hit her hard

You both need to hit her hard with every legal charge she is eligible for. Don't be deterred by that "slew of crap". And if your fiance is anything other than completely alarmed and ready to throw the book at her, consider leaving. In other words, if he makes excuses for her rather than being ready to protect you at any cost, this is not the man for you.

restraining order

Hi Tog,

He has been very supportive and has tried to comfort me daily regarding the situation. He has not stopped me from trying to get a restrainig order on her and has actually encouraged it. I was just wary because I have no idea how the hell I'm going to serve her and she denies ever being in my house even though the police contacted her and I ID'd her. I guess I keep thinking about worst case scenarious that the case might just get thrown out. I mean hell, even the police were hesitant to arrest her even though she clearly trespassed. I read the whole 9 yards on how to get a restraining order on her and the possibly (maybe) having to lawyer up for it (which I do not have the money for). I am also fearful of more drama ensuing because of it, because she is a psycopath. BUT maybe it is for the best that I file... has anyone filed for a restraining order before? Any tips or advice? Reprocussion?

What about her physically and

What about her physically and verbally abusing him? Is he pressing charges?

Being in your house is breaking and entering, which is a big charge if you can make it stick.

He reported it to the police

He reported it to the police to make sure it was documented but for now he’s not pressing charges. The cop was even giving him a hard time about it because “he’s a man” he can take a kick or two because she will go to jail for sure. Like wtf! The cop was such an asshole. People don’t understand that domestic abuse starts from a small thing and leads to something bigger

Why would he not press

Why would he not press charges? That’s a mistake, and she will see it as weakness.

I think it’s because he’s

I think it’s because he’s thinking about the children... also he’s afraid she’ll lie and say he was also physical with her. When we had talked to the police, the asshole cop, said they’d both get arrested even if she was lying. She would often threaten to lie about him abusing her to get him to do what she wants. That’s how she was during their relationship and finally he had enough. I told him if ever she comes around again always be in public, embarrass yourself with her yelling if you need to, just don’t be in a place no one can see you so she can’t claim any false accusation or just call the cops right away.

This thinking about the kids is absolutely bullshit!!

He needs to file that restraining order because normal sane people do not break and enter or trespass on peoples properties. Thats breaking the law.

how the heck is your partner gonna get arrested when his ex entered your home illegally without permission?

Yes, file the restraining

Yes, file the restraining order. Talk to a different cop.

Just don't let BM get away with this "for the kids". What the kids will see is that being a bully is acceptable and gets you want you want", Did she break into his home? If so, he won't be arrested, she will.

BM here tried to force her way into our house, and DH shoved her out and slammed the door. She called the police and said he "assaulted" her, and they told her she could be arrested because it's not her property. DH also elected not to have her arrested, because SS was already a blubbering mess. She never came on our property again without consent and never left her car when in the driveway to pick up SS.

In our case, the warning from police worked, but BM here has a lot to lose if she gets arrested (deportation) and she's not as big of a psycho as yours.

Thanks for making me feel

Thanks for making me feel better about the kids situation. It always gets tricky when there are kids involved and its so sad. She's so manipulative its sickening! She likes to hide the kids or refrain him from having any contact, but turns around like a psycho and says "you can see them and talk to them whenever you want" She's the devil! Pisses me off! Also, it's good to hear that the law handled your situation the way they did as far as her false claim of assault. We are definitely getting ready to call the cops at any given point there are more altrecations in the near future or far future. Unfortunately, Im sure Im gonna have to deal with Crazy Biatch as long as I'm with him. Hopefully minimized though

She'll want to falsely claim

She'll want to falsely claim abuse from before, like way way back when. You know play the victim role. It's sickening how much she lies! I looked up her bio after the incident and half of her bio was BS. Claiming being so active she cant even stand it anymore. Or doing this and that when the Fiance said she has never done before to make herself look better to people. shes a narcissist. She was supposedly seeing a therapist, but clearly thats not working. Even her therapist told her to cease fire. Its just a matter of time until she goes to jail

Definitely file for a

Definitely file for a protective order immediately. She sounds scary. If your fiance won't back you up on this, then he is also a psychopath.

Cbarton, she is definitely

Cbarton, she is definitely scary.. the next couple of days my Fiance told me she would send him text messages like nothing ever happened. Like everything was normal! WTF! You should have seen her when she was in my house, she acted like she owned the place! She could have had the wrong house for Christ sake and gotten shot or whatever! Super psycho!

FILE protective order asap...

FILE protective order asap....

Police already have run report of your call to 911 and they made their report...go get a copy.

Also, ask police to run her in the data base. TELL Police you are very scared. Ask them for ideas to protect yourself too.

Google her states data base for court cases...you might learn more about her as a citizen or lack there of a being a good citizen... Priors, traffic/ drug/ suing by companies, landlord, stuff like that.

YOUR protection comes first...if bf wont make the effort to also file charges for tresspassing AND possible protection order for him, .well pack your stuff and leave.

Hi Goodluck,

Problem is they have kids together and everytime he would ask the cops for help regarding filing for a restraining order, they always, always give him the run around saying he somehow can't or what not. As for me I know I could file and yes I did get the police report. Im just afraid of any unforseen reprocussions, especially since she denied the whole event. also I have never filed for one before. It says I migt have to see her again and also have to lawyer up. I dont have the money for that.. =[ Either way, I have the case number I still have time to file. Shes back to whatever hell state she came from though. I'm hoping she stays there, but who knows... I did however set up cameras and an alarm system in my home. I feel like im suffering from PTSD from it.

File trespassing charges AND

File trespassing charges AND a restraining order. Tresspassing won't get her hunted down, but if she gets pulled over, they'll have it on file and she gets to deal with the arrest there. As for the RO. That's good sense. YOU need to protect YOU. Your bf should ALSO file for a RO. Because crazy be crazy and neither of you should have to deal with this s***. Period.

Thanks Probably,

everyone seems to be advising me to get a restraining order. I'll look into it more. Ive just been an emotional wreck these past couple of days. Im still in shock....

First off BF needs to file

******

Thanks Advice. I'm starting

Thanks Advice. I'm starting to feel better about having to file, especially since you have. Will the police report be sufficient enough and to get the court to grant a restraining order on her? Also, did you guys have to lawyer up?

In my county, the Family

In my county, the Family Courthouse offers a class every morning at nine a.m. that helps individuals fill out paperwork to obtain an RO. They answer all sorts of procedural questions there. I understand that your BM lives out of state, but check into the resources offered at your local Family Court. It's usually free. You will likely have to pay to have BM served in her state, but it's not that much and your fiance should be the one to pay the tab. It's his baggage, after all.

This happened because your fiance hasn't put firm boundaries in place and has let his ex get away with all sorts of carp. Well, his cowardice has affected your personal safety, and you need to decide if you even want to stick around. Personally, I wouldn't unless your fiance finds his jewels and puts his crazy baggage in its place. Where are your boundaries and standards? Hold your man accountable. If you take this lying down, you'll be teaching both your fiance and his ex that you're willing to eat excrement and suffer because he bred with a crazy person.

Your guy needs to use the courts to create a strict framework for custody, visitation, and communication (email only, or a third party site like Our Family Wizard) and he needs to teach BM that there will be a legal consequence every. single. time. she misbehaves. If he can't stand up for you, he doesn't deserve to have you.

That was very insightful and

That was very insightful and yes after that happened I made sure I set very very very firm and direct to the point boundaries. He saw his mistakes and he corrected them and has continued to do so. He also apologized for putting me through so much because he did not see that he was also letting her have her way due to not setting clear boundaries as well. It just sucks people can’t handle themselves properly when relationships don’t work out. Life goes on. You don’t have to ruin someone else’s life because you hate yours. Smh. I hope this never happens again.

If it does ever happen again,

If it does ever happen again, call the cops before doing ANYTHING else. Tell them youi have an intruder in your home and you don't know if they're armed or not. As for the asshome cops, I'd go over their heads. Their superiors need to know that they are not doing their jobs and by that they are putting innocent citizens at risk.

BTW, why is your bf still accepting texts from her and reading them? Is he some kind of masochist? He needs to send her an email telling her that all communication henceforth will be via email and that he will no longer be accepting calls or texts. Then block her number.

Its because of the kids. Shes

Its because of the kids. Shes using the kids as pawns. He's trying to get full custody somehow so he's trying to collect evidence too of her harrassing behaviors. But since the break in, he has not spoken to her and has asked a family member to become the point of contact with the whole kids situation. He's also seeked advice and help of how to deal with a bat shit crazy ex.