Stepson hates living with us
I feel like I am repetitively seeking adivce for the last TWO years about this kid's situaton.... I'll try to keep it as short as possible. My fiancee has primary custody of his 3 children (7,10, 13). They are with us for 10 days straight, and go with their mom every other weekend. Mom is a recovering addict, and was absent for a few years. The 13 year old (boy) is, I hate to use this word, but he is OBSESSED with her. Like to the point where he has her teenage pictures put up in his dresser mirror, that make it look like she is his girlfriend or something. They dress alike, talk alike, like all of the same things, and she lets him slide with EVERYTHING. He is quite the disruption in our household AND at school. Whenever his dad enforces a rule, or confronts him about his behavior and grades, World War 3 begins in our house. He yells that he HATES his dad, HATES living here, HATES his life, and takes ZERO accountability for his actions. He wants to go live with his mom so bad (living with mom consists of being shifted around from her boyfriend's house, her father's and her mothers) and they all are very lenient with him. They never ground him, he plays video games and does what he wants when he is in her "care", so I get why he would rather be with her and her family. We go through this viscious cycle EVERY OTHER WEEK. It is a huge disruption in our household, and is putting quite the wedge between my fiancee and I. To the point where I even avoid being in the house when his son is there. My fiancee gets pissed whenever his son acts out like this, and says "he can go llive with his mother, I can't live like this anymore". BUt a few days will pass, and he will say "I'm not gving up on my son. He's just going to have to be grounded in his room until he gets his act right". THIS HAS BEEN THE SAME SONG AND DANCE FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS!!!! My question is, when is enough, enough?! I am SO ready for him to go live with his mother. He has zero respect for me, and has made it VERY Clear that he hates living in this house with his father and I, our rules, and his other siblings. I can't keep going back and forth with this kid, and his father being wishy washy about him staying or going. Am I wrong for feeling like him leaving to go with his mom's side is best? He is about to turn 14, and I think he has his mind made that he wants to be with her and not us. My fiancee just wants the upper hand and I'm sure he feels like if he lets his son go with her, he is giving up on him and failing as a father. I know ultimatley the decision is between the mom and dad, but don't my feelings and sanity matter? Peace of mind?
PS. MOM wants him to come stay with her. So she is not opposed at all.
Seams like SS 13
Has a perfect solution to do nothing. You ask him, or give him rules, He want to live with BM. And does nothing. Maybe it’s about time to give up on him and let him live with BM if she will take him. Or get him help, by seeing someone. Somehow this has to change, somehow. You can’t keep living like this. It’s going to effect the other kids. Giving up on SS May be better for all. Your DH has to realize he can not save the world, and doing to the other kids
Good lord how do I get my SS
Good lord how do I get my SS to want to live with his mom?
Sign my SD up too.
Sign my SD up too.
Seriously tho tips plz hahahaa
Yes, your feelings count.. of
Yes, your feelings count.. of course.
However.....
"Mom is a recovering addict, and was absent for a few years".
Would you want your BK living with your X if your X was like his X?
IMHO the solution to Skid behavioral issues is paddle to ass and nose to corner. When this toxic spawn gets toxic.... dad needs to take a paddle to his ass, march him to a corner by a twisted ear and plant his nose in the corner where he can stay until the adults get tired.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
The solution to this from a big picture perspective is for DH to give the toxic skid and the BM clarity that the kid is not moving in with BM. Outline all of the reasons why this is a bad idea and will not happen, and start tightening the screws on the Skids crap and BM's manipulation. SO has custody for a reason and there are important reasons why BM has only EOWE visitation. SO needs to draw the line, enforce the line, and BM and SS-13 need to gain clarity or suffer a long learning curve.
IMHO of course.
I suspect if he goes to live
I suspect if he goes to live with his mother it's only a matter of time before either (1) he can't stand the chaos and wants to come back, or (2) she or her father/flavor of the week boyfriend wants to send him back. It's different living in video-game-no-rules land every other weekend than it is to be there full time. And then you get back a kid who is even more wild and damaged than he was before. This is a tough one.
I do think your feelings and opinions should matter. However, your SO needs to do what he thinks is best for his kid, and that may not be what you want. At that point, you have the option to walk away, because it's unlikely that this situation will get better.
Been there...
I have a soon to be ex ss that was just like that. Eventually he and PrisonMom concocted a scheme full of false accusations and restraining orders. The judge advised that neither I nor stbx h could be within 500ft of ss. I asked him to make it 5,000. Lol. It was eventually dropped after a long legal battle but I told stbx and the judge that day that I will respect that order until the day I die.
UPDATE
As of yesterday, apparently mom is back to her old ways and using again, so now the kids are really stuck with us becuase BM's parents will no longer let her use their home's for the kid's visitation weekends.
Well, that didn't take long.
Well, that didn't take long.
Do the SKids know the facts
Do the SKids know the facts of their mother's current and active relapse? If not, they should.
Keeping them tuned on the facts of their BM's drug use and toxicity and consistently highlighting why they can never live with her is important in calming the drama as they continue to grow up and... it will help prepare them to protect themselves from her toxic crap into their teens and as adults.
Yes, they know everything.
Yes, they know everything. They looked so sad, and the girls are to the point where they are just over it. But the BOY is wanting to be with her even more now! Like he thinks if he is with her, then he can save her. Same crap, different day with him
Grounding is necessary
You might want to ground that fellow in your way, something strict else there is no use of being passive.