Anyone else the parent when it's custody time?
I know I know. Dis en finggage but I feel there's likely folks in my situation.
So when I first moved to the step kids my DH was all in whenever they were over.
Now he is constantly stuck to his phone when they are over. I started to do the same but typically they call me ( not him) out and ask questions , want to know more about their show etc.
I'm the one who researches fun kid stuff on the weekends. I'm the one who tends to them for the most part. So I did try a small disengage . We have my oldest SD every otherweekend inloft apartment. I made a point to "sleep in" on Sundays. So DH has to step up.
What happens is that he gets pissed if I don't come down until she goes. Like suddenly everything is my fault you aren't stepping up to be a single dad? I get the kid loves me but I should have a day to relax a week
Does any one else's spouse pull this shit?
I should also say he tells me I over step when his kids fight and he goes out for a 10 minute smoke break. Like wait... If you want me to help don't tell me not to parent when you are away? Dont give me shit on my day off because your kid needs me?
Always fun ...
He cannot have it both ways.
He cannot have it both ways. You cannot have responsibility without the authority to be the adult when you are alone with them. I would explain that to him calmly. If he doesn't agree then keep gradually stepping back. What do you say when he complains you are sleeping in? I used to go to our bedroom early to read and get some peace and quiet - he thought I was avoiding them. Well, yes, I am DH. I work a long week, and I need time alone. You should be spending time with them, not me. I'll participate when it's reasonable, but ultimately it's my choice.
Yes, we got into disagreements because DH wants this 'family unit' ideal that is in his head but it's not reality. You are not mom and the kids are not there 100% of the time. It's different from the get go.
Replying to this as it's the
Replying to this as it's the best comment. There's a lot of issues but I meant for this to be a sharing of the same issue vs "well if DH ever... "
This was helpful and dealt into the subject at hand.
They are there to be with him
They are there to be with him, not you. Start making yourself unavailable. I would be damned if my husband expected me to raise his kids, but didn’t give me authority to raise them correctly. All in, or all out.
My sD’s used to come to me
My sD’s used to come to me and ask me stuff. I used to just say see your father, he is the boss.
Anyone else the parent when
Anyone else the parent when it's custody time?
No. My husband loved being a dad to his daughter and loved spending time with her and taking care of her (she's 27, now). I did not choose to be childless, only to take care of someone elses kid. His kid, his responsibility. He did not get with me so that he could pawn his responsibilities off on me.
If my DH had EVER gotten pissed at me for not being around to take care of HIS daughter, I would have laughed in his face.
Yes and no. Usually when he
Yes and no. Usually when he has his, I have mine. So yes, I am one of the parents. But I would be super resentful if he stepped back and let me do it all. If anything, I probably let him handle too much (with mine).
Not any more, at least on a
Not any more, at least on a full time basis. My SS is now 26. His mom and still parent him but it is far different than pareting him when was a minor between the ages of 2yo and 18.
Back in those days I was an equity parent to him right beside his mom. Viable long term partnerships require that both partners in that relationshop are equity parents to any children in the home regardless of kid biology. That is the model that my wife and I have used over 24+ years in our marraige. The key to success in this model is that my wife supported me as an equity parent to our son (my SS-26 adopted at his requested when he was 22).
We struggled in mitigating and countering the toxic influence of his BioDad and the extended SpermClan. Though together we mostly successful in minimizing the impact their manipulations had on SS. We used the facts. They didn't like the facts, but we used them effectively to keep our son aware of the facts in an age appropriate manner so that he could learn how to protect himselft from their toxicity and manipulative games.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.