The whole damn ...?

Stepmother is just a term from the old days, back when people died younger and someone remarried a woman who became like a mother to the kids.

You be whatever you want to be.

I refer to my husband’s son here as SS just because it’s easier to write.  I have NEVER once in real life  called him my stepson. 

and it is awkward.

It still makes me uncomfortable if my Dh is talking to someone and he'll say something about "our" son.  I want to interject and say I am not his mother but I just sit there feeling weird.  Why can't he just say "my" son.

If I say something to him in private about it, he gets mad and accuses me of not wanting to be a part of his family.

This hasn't happened in awhile but mostly because I don't bring it up anymore.

Many people have a sensitivity to titles and labels.

Some insist on them, others avoid them and some don’t care one way or the other.

What is your preference when it comes to your position with your SKids?

I certainly do not think of my MIL as my mom, but MIl and SM just describe a legal relationship.  

I absolutely hate being called a step mum. I'm not a mother, don't want to be and resent being labelled as one. These kids aren't mine. I'm NOT their mum.