Adult Stepson Ruining Marriage
First let me say hello, I just joined today. I have no one I can really talk to about this, if I talk to my family then it just creates more drama and if I talk to my wife she will just get mad or not listen to what I have to say. My 20 year old (soon to be 21) stepson who lives with us is causing problems for my marriage. We have lived in our house for 2 years and my stepson lives with us, in that time he has stolen prescription anxiety medication from me and money / prescriptions from my daughter and son-in-law. He is a liar and a thief and I don’t trust him at all. My daughter and son-in-law recently bought their own house so they are not there anymore. My wife says I am too hard on him because I ask certain things to be done, like make sure you lock the deadbolt on the front door and make sure it is pulled tight so it is actually shut, he continuously only locks the bottom knob lock and doesn’t pull the door all the way shut. We have a single car garage and the door is offset so that the driveway doesn’t exactly line up with the garage door opening, making it hard to pull in or out if someone doesn’t park far enough over to the one side. I have had to ask him to do these things over and over again, it’s like he knows it pushes my buttons so he does it. If I talk to him about it he always says the same thing, “oh, sorry”, if I push it any farther he starts yelling saying it’s his moms house (mortgage is in mine and my wife’s name) and I can’t talk to him like that. On Monday I came home and again the front door wasn’t locked properly, when he got home I asked if he was the last one to leave, my dad comes over to let our dogs out in the afternoon so I wanted to know if I needed to call my dad and talk to him about it but my stepson said that he was the last one. I said you didn’t lock the door and it wasn’t shut all the way, he gave his typical reply and I said, admittedly in an angry tone “you’ve got to lock the deadbolt and pull it shut!” He starts going off on me about how I am not going to disrespect him that way. I’m disrespecting him??? It turned into a yelling match and I told him to get out, that it was my house and he was not going to disrespect me anymore. I told my wife I was tired of being disrespected by him and I wanted him to move out, so now my wife and I are barley talking and my stepson will be moving out. I don’t feel like I ask too much, and even if I do it’s my house, I pay the mortgage. I feel like my wife coddles him, he will be 21 soon and he doesn’t even have an email account, he has to have his mom get emails for him and send them. I often feel like there is stuff I don’t even know about. My wife was a single parent and I feel like she parents out of guilt at times and it really makes me mad. My stepson is constantly surrounded by drama everywhere he goes and I don’t need it, I work too hard to come home to my house and put up with him. He has done other things too, like bringing drugs into the house and lying about it, vaping in his room when I’ve asked him not to after he almost burned up his bedroom when his vape exploded. So anyway, now I have no idea where my marriage stands. Thanks for letting me rant, like I said I have no one to talk to about this and it sucks.
Why don’t you press charges
Why don’t you press charges when he streaks from you?
i admit that I did not press charges when my SS stole from me - but the trade off is that I NEVER EVER EVER have to lay eyes on him again.
I kick myself for not
I kick myself for not pressing charges I really should have. I guess I was afraid of what my wife would do and thought that he would change. I dont feel like he was even sorry. I feel bad for my wife too because I think she feels likes she is having to choose between us .
Stand your ground, and keep
Stand your ground, and keep an eye on your finances. Your wife is an enabler, and may want to keep giving her pweshus snoflake financial help. Separate finances of necessary.
Moving out might be the making of this kid, but only if mommee let's him learn and do for himself.
Yeah, he has a job and pays
Yeah, he has a job and pays his own bills, or so I'm told. I really cant say for certain that she doesn't help him and it infuriates me.
Where is his father? Doesn
Where is his father? Doesn't sound like he had much of one. Tough love for both mom and son. When does she expect him to out grow all of this? Why does she expect you to put up with it?
She is asking way too much from you and nothing from her son. She has that backwards.
Find a therapist to vent to in real life and keep posting here.
His father left when he found
His father left when he found out he was going to be a father, so he never met him. Hell, my ex wife wasnt in my daughter's life but she turned out very strong and able to take care of herself. I dont get it
Time for Joe Dirt to find his
Time for Joe Dirt to find his dad.
(No subject)
My SD18 is very similar
When she lived there I felt the most terrible uncomfortable feeling when she was around. I think it might have been anxiety. She did whatever the hell struck her fancy at the time...stole from me, ransacked our bedroom going through all our personal things to try and find things to take, posted her hauls on snapchat proudly. Used to have a car until she totalled it after coming home from an all night bender. Everyone messes up but to mess up and not give a f%^& who ends up having to pay for the damage that she alone caused thats messed up. After she didn't have a car anymore she left. The other day she came over to wash clothes and make a long story short, I absolutely lost my sh*t and told her off. All the years of putting up with her abuse came out. Needless to say I don't think she'll be coming back anytime soon.*yahoo*
They just dont care, they
They just dont care, they feel entitled to everything. My SS does all this crap but somehow I end up the bad guy everytime. I can understand your anxiety.
Oh OP I feel your pain!
SS22 lives with us- has for over a year. In that time, he decided to start smoking heroin and, when he ran out, stole our medication, then went out on a crime spree (so he has court coming up and is facing years in prison). Even after all of that, we had to buy a safe to keep our medications in, he smashed our safe to steal more of our medicaiton. He has stolen cash from my purse, and he stole my and nis dad's musical equioment and pawned it all for drug money.
I was very clear with him that he can not live in my home and be on drugs. Yet his drug behavior continues. So his dad and I got in a fight the other night (one of many fights about this shitstain), and he won't give him any ultimatum- like you can't live in the house unless you are clean and getting help. He says he equates that with taking away his unconditional love.
I am to the point where I can't stand the sight of him. He slinked out last time I called him out for taking foil to the basement- and has been staying with his mother and brothers for the last few days.
All of this causes extreme tension in our relationship (me and his dad) because he accuses me of not caring about his son's best interests or well being. And not liking him. Same manipulation tactics. I feel very stuck. I wish I had great advice for you- but stick around for support, You are not alone.
So sorry you've had to deal
So sorry you've had to deal with that, it is a lot to put up with. I guess our spouses just expect us to put up with it and when we speak out we are being unkind or not supportive but how long do we have to accept it without something actually being done, its crazy. Ive been told my SS is moving out in 2 weeks. I just hope my wife and I can get back to normal. I hope things get better for you as well!
Leave your pills where he can find them
And,if he has the balls to swipe them wait until he leaves and call the police.He gets pulled over with prescription pills in the car you wont have to see him for quite a while.And when he does get released you can explain to your wife that you dont want to shack up with a convict.You are kind enough to open your home up to man-baby so he screams at you and steals your meds.F-that!