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Question for people who have adult Steps with No BD or if you grew up without one during teen yrs

marysmithus's picture

Submitted by marysmithus on Thu, 01/03/2019 - 2:02pm

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General Discussion

Lets say a daugher has a loving supporting family, divorced but everyone gets along. BUT then loses her Bio dad during her early teen years due to abandonment on his part.   If a daughter loses her Bio Dad in her early teen years due to abandonment and he makes no effort to reach out to her or have contact through those teenage years what is the chance of her reaching out to him when she becomes an adult?  

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 01/03/2019 - 2:38pm

It really depends.. does the girl perhaps think that her "loving" family may have had a hand in the estrangement?  Or maybe does she want "closure"?

I can definitely see a child having an interest/curiosity about their bio parent... even if it appears that the estrangement was voluntary on the parent's fault.  The amount of justification in the kid's mind might make them still want to seek out that parent.

Might not be too unlike an adopted child tracking down a birth parent.. even knowing that the parents didn't "want" them.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Thu, 01/03/2019 - 4:59pm

If you're asking about your SD who was roughly 14/15 years old when her father banned her, it's really dependent on a lot of things as to if she'll look him up and/or try and reach out . Nothing is for certain, and that includes your existence if this man's life. You could decide in 5 years to suddenly divorce. You could drop dead of some awful illness or have a horrible car crash you won't survive. 

Not saying that to be men or extreme but merely showing that you continuing to be with her father or not could impact the young lady's decision. I'm also saying it because you said in your forum posting about the estrangement/banishment that Dad likely would have caved but you held him to it. Who knows. The teen could  totally turn her life an her issues around and be a great functional young woman ten years from now. Been through college, married a kid or two and really nothing like you think of her being the last couple years. 

It could be that it may be your Dh who decides he wants to reach out/find his grown daughter one day years down the road. Just to peek in and see how she is and how things turned out for her. 

No one can predict the future. IMO, very few people are the same as they were at 15, or 25, 40 et. People continue to mature, change, grow,  and learn regardless of age.