I'm new here and need to vent
Hi all, I'm from Australia. This is the first time I've posted here and I'm not sure if you'll think my issue is not really an issue, but I need to vent.
My 22 stepson lives with me, my fiance (we've been together four years) and my 16yo daughter. SS is not a bad guy and he works FT and pays board so that's all good, but he has no interest in being part of the 'household'/'family'. He basically spends all his time upstairs in his bedroom or in the living room up there. And the big issue is that his 22 gf is here ALL THE TIME despite us saying to them about six months ago that we like her but don't want her here more than a couple of nights pw. She's just kind of 'floated' back in and is now here again. I'm so angry about it all the time but find it really hard to say it to her. I don't want to be nasty and I don't want to cause conflict but i absolutely think we're being taken for a ride. She said months ago during the previous conversation that everyhtng was fine at her parents' house but this is 'easier'. They usu just eat takeaway in his room, never give us a bottl eof wine or chocolates etc. She didn't even offer to bring anything or help out on Christmas Day. I feel quite threatened by her and I can't put my finger on why.
Financially, I'm in an okay position. I could just pack up and leave with my daughter as we're only renting here, but I don't want to do that. I love my man and we're looking forward to getting married in 2019. He gets on really well with my daughter.
I want to say to them both it's time to be adults and live on your own if you want to be by yourselves so much. DH and I have talked and talked about it but it doesn't get any better.
And the thing that drives me mad the most? They NEVER change the toilet roll ... my daughter has to constantly get fresh rolls for theupstairs bathroom. It sounds petty but it's not to me.
Any advice?
Don't marry until --
Please hold off marrying your SO until you have hashed all of this out. It will not get better if you marry and have not resolved this issue. If SS isn't going to college and can support himself, maybe it's time he found other living arrangements.
Your SS is treating this
Your SS is treating this arrangement as if he's renting an apartment inside a boarding house instead of being an active participant in your home.
It's time these two (SS and his GF) get their own apartment and stop treating his father and you as the landlord.
Yes, I agree that the SS/GF issue must be resolved prior to you marrying this coming year. There are too many adults living in one house and using the house for different means. That's not a home. Your SO needs to give his son a time line to be moving out and along with it needs to be assurances that he follow the guidelines of 'company' visiting in what is your home.
Time for SS and the GF to get
Time for SS and the GF to get their own place. If he wants to be a boarder/renter and do his own thing, including have his GF live with him, he can do it somewhere else. You and your SO needs to give his son a timeline to get out, and stick to it.
That is really all there is to it... they need to GO.
Sounds like you'd be OK with
Sounds like you'd be OK with SS staying, but the GF rule needs to be enforced, or they have to both move out.
(And really, the toilet paper thing is quite petty - just put rolls in the bathroom so if they forget the person using the toilet can easily reach them. That kind of petty crap destroys relationships.)