So why don't you ask her to cook dinner for all of you? If she's part of the household, she should be puling her weight, chores and stuff. Rather than fight her presence (which is stressing you out no end), why not try to channel her and put her to good use so you can have some down time? At her age, she shoyukld be able to cook, babysit, clean ...

Well, your blog escalated quickly!  Obviously you are resentful that your stepdaughter is there, and never expected to have her live there.  That's understandable, many here are in your shoes.

But you have to speak up to your H, and be direct. She's a decent kid, by your words, so the big issue is that you don't want another child to care for (and you shouldn't have to).  But be direct with him about that - "DH, if I'm cooking a meal for the family, of course I will include SD, but I won't cook for her separately." 

I get the feeling that you are afraid to speak up and make your needs known. She's old enough to care for herself in most ways, so just make sure H understands that's what she needs to do.

It sounds like you are frustrated that your DH is away..

I am curious.. are you being asked to prepare special meals for your SD.. or is it just that she expects that if you cooked for 3 (you and your two bios) that you would also make her a plate.

I don't believe you should in any way be responsible for "just" cooking for your SD.. but it literally is no skin off your nose to prepare one more portions worth of food.

Look, I get that her presence is frustrating.. but being upset because you have to prepare 4 servings instead of 3?  that's petty. 

Absolutely, if the SD is not around at dinner time.. the deal should be that she is "on her own".. or if you have already prepared stew or whatever she is free to heat herself a portion up.  But, no.. you don't need to plan your dinnertime around her schedule.. at that age... she can certainly prepare or heat her own food up if she isn't going to be there.

Also.. if you want a break.have her be responsible for cooking a couple meals a week.. for everyone.

If you are being upset that you are cooking for 4 vs 3.. I can understand why your husband doesn't understand because that literally is no more work on you.. and it sounds like you are being petty to him.

Short order cook duty on the other hand?  THAT is extra work and work she should be capable of doing for herself.. along with laundry and cleaning up after herself.

I am afraid to fully communicate my feelings towards my new roommate to my H.

Why are you affraid to communicate with your H? Do you fear his reaction? If he gets upset so be it but he's the father and has to make accommodations for her. She's 18 years old for goodness sake so why does she need to be catered to? He wants to make sure she eats and is entertained than he needs to do it before his business trips. If he doesn't like it....oh well! He'll get over it.

This will continue to happen until you put your foot down and make him accountable to take care of his. Don't be afraid and talk to him, you need open communication without fear of reaction if you want your marriage to work. This is not worth losting your peace of mind!

Grrrr. My DH was like this with OSD. Always putting it on me to keep her entertained and included...but she didn't WANT to be included. She was just a little black raincloud who wanted to mope in her room.

So any time I had the idea to go do smething with YSD, DH would pout: "Did you even think to invite OSD??!!" And I would dutifully go back to her room, knock on her slammed-shut door and invite her. Then get rejected. Over and over and over again. It would happen AT the house, too. We'd start a movie: "Did you invite OSD or ask her what SHE wants to watch?" We'd make a snack together: "Has OSD been offered a snack??!!" 

It's like DH was so on edge about her (she was 14-18 during this time, btw...not a young child) and walking on eggshells...and he made everyone else caer to her and walk on eggshells, too. It's not fun when your husband forces you to repeatedly get rejected by your stepkid, btw. 

Anyway. I just quit. When DH got pouty and was all like: "Have you told OSD you're making popcorn??!!" I'd retort: "I doubt her nose is broken...so I'm guessing she's figured it out." Or if he said: "Have you invited OSD to play that game with you??!!" I'd respond: "I'm sure she's perfectly aware that life is continuing without her while she's holed up in her room. If she wants to participate she can just come out and say so." 

I kept putting it back on him and her. Why is it on ME to engage her all the time...especially when she doesn't want to be engaged? I was engaged with YSD because YSD talked to me and asked to do things with me. Why am I always put in the position of the supplicant...inviting OSD to spend time with me? Why isn't it ever on HER to invite ME to do something? After all...my 4-years-younger YSD had no trouble engaging and trying to spend time with me. 

Anyway. I think our husbands honestly don't think some of these things through...they just try to get us to engage with their kids no matter what and take on more responsibility than we should have to. Just don't let him do it. Nope, nope, nope.