Dysfunctional Parents During Holidays
BMs are not the only crazies, my niece's ex seems to be going out of his way to push the high conflict bit.
It's his year for Thanksgiving. No problem. The little guy was looking forward to seeing his Daddy. Schedule was to be (per the CO) Wednesday through Saturday evening. Father viewed the school holiday break and decided to demand entire Thanksgiving break. Nope.
So then he decided he would have his lawyer send a nasty to niece threatening to re-do entire custody order and parenting plan. Followed by three pages of his recommendation of what new one will state. Nope. Obliviously he and his out of state lawyer either don't know our state laws and/or they were hoping niece was incredibly naive and foolish enough to shake with terror.
Niece isn't hard to get along with and was willing to bend slightly on dates. The trip to Dad's is over 12 hours one way. Paternal grandfather has a birthday today. So niece suggested Tuesday pick-up and Saturday bring back. Not good enough. Dad now wants niece to meet halfway both directions even though Dad is ordered transportation and cost (he moved and continues to move around the country chasing his dream of the week).
Finally niece said she or maternal grandmother would meet halfway on the home trip on Saturday. Not good enough for Dad. He wants kid until Sunday. There is a reason Saturday is in the CO, it's a 12hr drive, kiddo has school Monday morning and he's five.... already arrives home tired and winging off walls.
Sunday a snow/ice/freezing rain is forecast on top of everything else.
Now he is threatening to have put in 'what he calls the to be new custody order' (good luck with that, Buddy) that it is the child's decision for holidays. If kiddo wants to come to Alabama he must be allowed to come even if it's BM's year and also, if kiddo wants Daddy to attend BM's holiday at BM's house, Daddy must be allowed to attend if kiddo invites Dad.
- twoviewpoints's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Where do people find these
Where do people find these unethical attorneys? I know they get paid to do this, but if I were an attorney, I couldn't sleep at night if I harassed people's ex-spouses over frivolous stuff, just to earn my $300/hr.
Guess that's why I'm not an attorney.
Seems to me that niece could probably get an order saying her ex has to visit with the child in her area, since driving 12 hours for a 3 -day visit with a 5-year-old, is absurd. Maybe she should try that.
It is in CO that Dad visit in
It is in CO that Dad visit in-state for regular monthly visitations. Some times he comes, sometimes he waives.
He's a demanding critter. He was insisting niece pick him up from O'Hare (three hours tri one way) and then he was staying at maternal great grandmother' s (my mother's) for his weekend. It worked for a while, but he rapidly out grew his welcome. My mother , after he informing her she'd have to leave her home for all day on a Saturday because that was his parenting time. Yeah, lol, that went over well.
Then he started staying at one of his friends house, but worn out his welcome there too. The paternal grandparents come for Dad's weekend usually once every few months up here and stay in a hotel. But the holidays are stating to be allowed in Dad's and/or paternal grandparents home. Kiddo was in daycare when small and then pre-school so even though niece still had to pay for daycare/school when child didn't attend, niece did work at allowing some more extended time when possible... but now that kiddo is in regular fulltime school she can't 'give' as much as she has in the past.
Last Thanksgiving the Dad arrived at my mother's for the holiday weekend (it was BMs year) . Awkward. But sufferable. niece's father (my BIL) gave him cash to stay in hotel. Then Christmas was Dad's last year so niece allowed 10 days instead of the ordered 5.
I secretly keep hoping niece's ex will meet a nice new lady and the future SM will make him lay down some boundaries on his end. We don't want to deny Dad access to the child. Child adores his crazy father. But the guy goes out of his way to be hard to get long with and/or work with.
I think your niece is being
I think your niece is being too nice - it's not denying access to make him follow the CO. And all the people he's sponging off of instead of getting a hotel with his own money will have to set boundaries on their own.
If he were nice about it, maybe she would accommodate him, but really, she has all the power here, why reward his jackass behavior?
Follow the Court Order and
Follow the Court Order and this last minute changes/modifications that the father wants to implement is BS. I wouldnt meet him half way or accommodate him at all since he's acting like an @sshole.
You said ". Dad now wants niece to meet halfway both directions even though Dad is ordered transportation and cost (he moved and continues to move around the country chasing his dream of the week)."
^^^^^^Ignore him and follow the CO to the letter. If changes need to be made than schedule a court date and lets get this resolved, until that time I wouldn't budge. With all that being said I hope you all enjoy your holiday.
"I will be picking our son up
"I will be picking our son up at the COed time in the current parenting plan. If he is not available, I will call the police and have them give him back to me. If you want to modify the CO, feel free to have your attorney draft a copy and send it to mine. Just know that YOU will be paying my attorney and court fees."
Assuming she is CP, she is far more likely to get son back, especially if his primary reisdence is 12 hours away and he has school on Monday. Cops rarely care about the NCP ("take it up in court"), but if an NCP doesn't give a child back to CP, it can become kidnapping.
Oh yes "NO! I demand an extra
Oh yes "NO! I demand an extra day and for you to drive!" lol. Okay there broski. Keep dreaming.
If he can't bother to drive, then he doesn't get the kid, the CO clearly puts him in charge of the custody order. Plus she'll have texts showing she tried to work with him and he just didn't bother.
Also he doens't want to come to Alabama anyways. There's a cold front and no mountains or snow, and there's humidity. And I'm starting to think half the people have a crazy streak going on.
I agree with tog redux. With his unwillingness, she probably could get a CO saying he has to visit locally.
Wonder what's changed for
Wonder what's changed for daddy, does he have a new lady in his life who's pushing for him to have more time w/his kid, do less driving, and pay less CS? Next you'll be hearing that he can provide more stability than you. My ex pulled crap like this e-v-e-r-y single time his relationship status changed. It was either all or nothing depending on how much he could pawn the kids off on another woman. Your niece may want to retain a lawyer for when the sh*t hits the fan.
Niece's lawyer was first call
Niece's lawyer was first call made. Lawyer literally had a great laugh while reading ex's layer's letter and demands. Niece does have a good lawyer, but it's my mother and my sister who covers the cost (not a problem).
Really nothing has changed in the father's life. He pictures himself a star. Band, music writer, music video producer blah blah. All fine and dandy, but he's a wanna-be. Been in schools on both coast, but yet to complete any degrees. Alabama is where his parents live, so that's considered 'home base' for him. Any of the visitation trips for child that aren't up here in Illinois, are actually at the paternal grandparent's home. He has no house nor apartment of his own. When he has, it's been with multiple roommates.
So when kiddo does go that way , it's the paternal grandmother that takes care of the child and provides the place.
"Childs decision for holidays
"Childs decision for holidays"!!!
lol lol! Because letting a 5 year old decide is obviously the right answer! Let's start letting a child have the say, what could go wrong? They will go to whoever gives them the best presents and spoils them the most. Create a monster, great idea Dad!
This guy sounds like a real piece of work. And not too bright either. No judge is going to go for that.
He’s delusional. Going to bm
He’s delusional. Going to bm’s Christmas? Who wants to sit through that! The kid having a choice? Ha! He’s overconfident. Children are fair-weathered. They go without whoever is the funniest in the moment. It’ll end when the kids a teen and has life of his own and friends he’s not going to want to leave for his only school break.
I remember the early holidays
I remember the early holidays when skid was around 5 and 6 years old. The back and forth was so stupid.
BM had a quack of a lawyer back then too.
What really set off our alarm bells were BM’s texts back then. They weren’t written in BM fashion. DH and I were 99% positive her lawyer was composing them and BM was copy/paste sending them.
Ah, good times.