I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I don't understand this obsession some of these men have with their offspring. I would be quite offended if my DH could not be happy with just me.

It's like she is his lover, instead of you. I don't get it.

If my DH pulled that crap, I would have to ramp up my own happiness (not sure how I would do that but I would think of something!) and ignore him. I mean, I get being upset that his daughter treats him like crap, but he has a life and a wife, and sacrificing happiness and joy with you is just not worth it. He needs to see that.

Luckily, my DH saw a long time ago that if his happiness hinged on his relationship with his daughter, he was screwed.

My DH got all pissy a few years ago about Christmas.  I was hosting his 4 siblings and spouses for a pre Christmas dinner.   He asked if he could invite his son and GF.   He asked - I said no.  None of the grown children were invited.   Plus SS had been living as a homeless druggie drunk and every GF I’d ever met was a skank ho junkie. Dh’s Siblings are all lovely people who had not seen loser boy in a decade or more. 

DH pouted for two days. I totally ignored him and went about my business. He got over it.  Please ignore your dh’s mantrums and stupid attitude. 

I am waiting for a similar shoe to drop.  I asked DH when he would like OSD to be here for Christmas and said that I was OK with 2 days.  If he wanted more that was fine but I would be conveniently "visiting some friends."  In other words, I would be getting a nice hotel room and having some blissful peace and quiet.  He decided that he would prefer not to have her here at all.  She has been truly awful recently and even he has had it with her genuine spoiled brat behavior.  So we have decided on sending all presents out early and telling everyone that we are staying home for a quiet holiday alone.  We are really looking forward to it.  But he is famous for changing his mind when it comes to her and if she calls and offers to "come see us for Christmas" (in other words, come get showered with gifts and bring a cheap coffe mug for me and a t-shirt for him) he very well may suddenly inform me of her expected arrival.  I already told him if that happens I will be in the car 5 minutes after the words leave his mouth.  I hope he knows I am serious.  I am not spending a second with that adult brat.  

I really hope that your holiday goes smoothly.  I suggest wine, eggnog, and extra bourbon on the side of the eggnog.  And if all else fails, you can always indulge in the quaint Christmas tradition of "locking the stepchild in the basement."

My DH does that too. I refer to it as being happy with crumbs from her table. He’ll call her, leave a message and then be in a bad mood until she calls back. When the phone rings, he’ll jump up, head somewhere private and come back like 5 mins later. 

She doesn’t even talk to him. Just says “I don’t know.” “Is that all, I want to watch a movie.” But he’ll be all happy and loving after. She’s 11. 

It is interesting I see the same thing with my SD and father. She can be very mean but he would never address her and I can't. But our son he will dress down when ever and so will I but not her she answers for nothing it  makes my blood boil or it did. I have told him I'm done with her being above anyone else I never mention her. Still he shouldn't treat His children different.

Thoughts: I'd try talking to my DH about it. If that doesn't work, suggest marriage counseling maybe. If that doesn't work and he is really a jerk to you, then make plans to leave.

When a spouse treats people who disrespect the other spouse far better, that is a problem. A problem in which no significant other should endure.

Reindeer games.....that is a good one.

I'm also childless and DH has one daughter SD32.  Thank God he sees her bullshit, he blames her late mother. 

It is all a game of cat and mouse, every single thing is just another opportunity-- if you are any part of this sickness.  That is all it is, sickness, with zero cure for my daddeeee, at least. I just have to stay away from their mess, he gives me no choice, obviously. And, I am much happier!

Not skid related, however, my bride tends to get very melancholy over the holidays.  We have not been particularly close to my IL clan though we have regularly visited with them and periodically spend some portion of the holidays with them.  Regardless my wife struggles with missing them, missing them more and being sad immediately after a visit with them, and it gets worse when we are with my clan.  She is extremely close with my family.  But... a holiday never seems to go by that does not include some melancholy episode for my bride. This is a huge PITA for me.  While I can generally completely compartmentalize this crap in my head I am sensitive to her moods and want her to be happy and enjoy the holidays.

Unfortunately 24 years and counting in to our marital adventure that is taking on the appearance of a forlorn hope.

This year I am particularly dreading due to the demise of my FIL in June of this  year.   Of course she is grieving, as am I, and that won't make it any better than usual.

Ughhhh.

The one potentially mitigating factor is that the kid will be home for Christmas and NY this year so he and I will do our usual tag team to keep her laughing and happy. Even that does not always work when it comes to her lamentations regarding her family and their usual stupid crap.

The relative success of my family juxtaposed to the nearly complete lack of success in her's is a big part of her ongoing holiday family issues.  Even though she is a big part of our joint success and knows full good and well that her family has actively avoided making the same effort that she has it remains a durable issue for us over the holidays.

You chicks drive me nuckin futz!!!!!

My DH gets the holiday blues too. He is diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and the holidays just make it all worse. He misses the idyllic Christmases of his childhood, still seen through the eyes of a child.He wants to give his own kids that same epxerience every year but can't of course (they are all in their 30s). He is convinced he was a terrible father, on and on and on.

While I am sympathetic, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except suggest to him that he make an appointment with his counselor. I go on about my business and enjoy holiday traditions. Would I rather do that WITH my husband? Yes, of  course. But he won't participate because he knows it will bring him down, and I'm not going to force him to.

You can't fix this. Do understand that this has NOTHING to do with you--it is within himself. As much as you want to, you can't make it better for him--he has to want to do that and get help so he knows what to do. But you CAN take care of yourself and not let his holiday blues and melancholoy bring you down.

MissingMe! When your H acts like that because of his daughter don't entertain his pity party and let him know that once he's done acting pathetic he can join you and continue life happily because you don't have time or the patience for the BS. There's no reason why his mood swings should have to affect you. He can take that sh!t some place else and leave you out of it.

Hope next year and the holidays get better but please do not entertain it! He can wallow in misery by himself without you.