WTF. Why is his ex there visiting also? This would be a no-go in my house. Particularly since she is asking SUPER INAPPROPRIATE questions.

Honestly, I would have HUGE problems with all of this if I was you. Had your dh asked you how you feel about all of this?

She would never be allowed in my home again. I would tell my husband he needs to sort this out elsewhere. The boy would be welcome, but at 15 he doesn't need mommy there as well. If your DH doesn't start enforcing boundaries right away, the next 3+ years will be hell.

Visitation is for parents and kids, not exes. If he must see BM to see the kid, have him see them elsewhere.

You can't address anything not knowing what went down in court. Does BM really hold all the cards? You don't know that. If you want to setup a visitation that works for you, you're going to have to start asking questions.

As long as BM is always along for the ride, things won't get better with SS. It will be hard enough after all these years to win over SS.

BM's sudden interest in your husband having a relationship with his son sounds like BM wanting to get up in your business.

You are not a girlfriend -- this is your husband's past you're dealing with. SS's presence will affect your child and you. You have every right to know details of how this became the arrangement and have a say is finding a new arrangement that works for you. Whether anyone likes it or not, you are part of the mix now.

Find out what you need to know so you can cook up a better situation for yourself and your child because the current arrangement is unhealthy and just plain weird.

And don't assume everything your husband tells you is accurate or truthful. These men take the path of least resistance because it's easiest for them. Demand answers and proof so you know what you can change and what you can't.

I assume they weren't married and he wasn't on the birth certificate? Did someone else adopt the kid? What a mess. I'm guessing that her relationship with the "adoptive" father ended, and now she's after DH - possibly for money, too. And she's staying in your house? WTF?  That's absurd.

I get that he wants to know his son, but not at the price of BM having his balls in her purse and STAYING IN YOUR HOUSE!? *shudder* 

He should get an attorney and find out what his rights are in family court. Do not let BM use the kid as a pawn, that's not doing the kid any favors either.

EX is never allowed in your home.   DH and DS should spend time together someplace else not your home. Your DH has no rights, He is playing a sick game with his EX.  She has all the control in this, because he has no rights as a father. If he’s the father ?  He’s setting himself up to be an ATM for his EX.  That is the only reason she is there her Monday must of been cut off.  Or nodody want to pay for the expensive coming up.  Car, College, gifts, ect

All I can say is No,No, No. 

Boundaries have to be put in place. If BM wants your DH back in SS's life, make it legal. Get paperwork to establish rights. Now that channels of communication are open and he is a teenager, be up front. Have DH tell SS that now that BM is allowing visits, you guys are going for parental rights. Keep BM at a distance. 

Actually, legally this is not his child, if as you state is true: "She had his parental rights revoked, married someone else and had the kid's name changed."  If that is the case, then I would imagine this someone else she married adopted the kid legally.  He is the child's father and not your DH, in that case.  Your DH was, to be blunt, a sperm donor.

This might sound cruel, but I get sick and tired of BMs acting like they are entitlted to whatever they want, whenever they want, even if they are literally drug-addicted hos, and then coming around and trying to play the mother card, and trying to talk some man into picking up the dad card, when he was never ever a dad to begin with.  This kid already has a father, and it is not your husband.

I think both you and your husband should see a lawyer to determine truly what, if any, obligation there is for your husband.  If this other man legally adopted his bio-child, then whatever involvement he has with his bio-son is entirely up to him and has absolutely nothing to do with BM whatsoever.  Don't let your husband be a pussy in reference to this.  Does your husband even want a relationship with this child?  Why would he have to if he doesn't want to.  If he does, then that should 100% be between him and the child, and BM should be completely out of the picture, and yes, I'd get a DNA test too, just to make sure.

Right now, the only one allowing BM this much control is your husband.  If he can't figure out which wife he wants, then you can tell him you'll be more than happy to move on to greener pastures.  Whatever you do, don't suck it up and take it.  This is NOT your burden to carry.  It is DH's, BM's, and yes, because BM is such a manipulative a$$, she has placed that burden on their bio-son too.  Regardless, the last person who should be paying any price is you, AND, especially your child.  

See a lawyer, change the locks, and don't take this shiatsu from anyone!  Get a restraining order on her even.  If this other man legally adopted this child, then why is your DH acting like he should still be in the picture?    He doesn't know this child.  On the 1/2 chance that DH does want a relationship with the child, then that is between him and the child.  BM needs to be completely out of the picture, regardless.  There is no reason for her to be there considering the child's age.

BM does NOT need to meet with DH in YOUR house, especially since she has been/is being high conflict. Your DH has fixated on the past, you said? Well he can have a present and a future relationship with his dear son, but your DH (and YOU) need to set some boundaries. It  sounds like there are none in existence right now. BM has her Golden Uterus That Gave Birth, and now is using it to suck in DH. Reminiscing about old times, is NOT appropriate. Asking if your pregnancy is a "permanent thing" is NOT appropriate. Lying, is NOT to be tolerated.

The thing is, all these slights, and insults have been allowed, and your DH is being asked to jump through all these hoops, all with the bait of Dear Child. He is being used a s a tool by BM, and its probably because of money. Oherwise BM could give 2 f@cks about Dh having a relationship with his son. Especially when having rights revoked. And suddenly out of the blue, shes there and expecting DH to "hop to it", and jump as high as she commands!

Yeah, Toxic Troll always used the kids as a tool. Over and over again, primarily to hurt DH, because hes such a "bad dad" (they have 50/50 custody and he does everything for kiddo) but also, most recently to get money for child support.

So its probably money. Shes pimping the kid to get money for herself or to secure a place for SS to get money for college, cars, etc. I dont know how prosperous your DH is/has been, but these Golden Uterus women are always looking for the Golden Goose Egg.

Just no.

You are pregnant, you don't need this stress.

If his ex somehow expects for him to put his life on hold and do as she demands that's not going to work.

He is going to have to nip her behavior in the bud. It's obvious she's using her son to get a foot back in the door.

And there is no reason for her to be in your house.

The son is going to be there no matter what and it is important your DH try to have a relationship with him, but he should not accommodate his ex in any way.

She is not a friend.

She is his sons BM.

Your DH and you need to set boundaries now before this escalates. It seems like your DH is being maleable in that he is letting his ex run the show. That cannot happen, this is your life she's screwing with.