SIL's efforts to alienate us, only alienated herself!
When my MIL was still around, there were many family get together's for DH's family (BM not invited to a single one of course)
Weekly family dinners, on top of the ususal celebrations for birthdays, Mother's Day/Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc..
After my MIL passed away, FIL continued to host all he could. Always soliting the help of myself and DH (as SIL was used to sitting back and letting me do lots to help out at these events)
Suddently SIL decided that SHE would dictate everything on these events; when, where, what. Not that I cared, but she soon set out to 'punish' DH & I by using these events as a way to get back at us, alienate and humiliate as much as she could
DH & I used to help MIL out by hosting the odd family dinner too, but in addition to SIL making sure she refused EVERY offer from us to host anything (then later held that against us - different post) she also stopped many of the traditional ones in DH's family as well
Fist get together to go was the gathering that MIL & FIL always held on Christmas Eve. This was for family and friends, always on Christmas Eve. Until that is, until that first year when SIL decided that FIL would not be hosting this any longer. It would not occur at all. Only for DH & I to later learn that SIL had gone to BM's (and dragged FIL along with her) to celebrate it with BM instead
Very hurtful to me, not to mention DH her own brother! And now DH didn't get to celebrate this with FIL, his own father, which both DH and FIL really enjoyed
The next thing to go was Thanksgiving. Just one year there was no mention of it at all. When DH inquired what was happening for Thanksgiving, SIL told him that they weren't celebrating it, it wasn't happening?
Even OSD was apparently really pissed about that one. But, soon enough, the Thanksgiving dinner for DH's family was celebrated at OSD's house along with SIL and FIL, and BM of course. DH & I not included.
The most recent thing to go was Christmas dinner. Again, always a big get together for DH's family, and very important to FIL. SIL just suddently decided to invite herself and FIL to friends of FIL's for Christmas dinner...and hilariously FIL's friends said no, they didn't think so
But sadly poor FIL got to sit alone with only SIL only, for Christmas dinner
DH & I were at first outraged by this from SIL, but eventually we just ended up spending it with my family, or as we did this year, flying out west to spend Thanksgiving with YSD and her family - and having a very nice time
Well, when FIL passed away, even more of these family events stopped. For example, no get together for his birthday any longer of course
And, all the news that FIL passed on every day about everyone (he talked to DH every day and told him everything going on with SIL LOL, and talked to SIL every day and told her everything going on with us)
After FIL passed away, so much stopped.
And thanks to al the family events that SIL took upon herself to destroy, suddenly we never had any contact or news where she is concerned.
For my part, I couldn't be happier. Even less stress and iratation.
But I think this backfired on SIL.
She has no one in her life, DH and her nieces really. And she really only stays in touch with one niece, OSD.
There is BM of course, but I've always suspected SIL could care less about BM, just conveniently uses her as a tool to get back at DH & I
So now, SIL has started to contact DH on a weekly basis. Phone call or text. Even told him she has writen her will and left everything to him
For my part, SIL and I now have virtually no contact. She has always made it clear she wanted it that way, and I'm only too happy at this point to oblige her. Other than the few family get together's for DH's family that she hasn't destroyed (or we don't attend because she inappropriately invites BM too) we have pretty much zero contact
I certainly feel much less stress, I don't see her much, hear from her at all, and DH doesn't bother to talk about her a whole lot so it's almost as if she doesn't exist in my life any more 
If she's lonely and regreting that she doesn't see DH anymore, oh well, I won't be doing much to help her out there any longer!
I would not
Go any event SIL does. I would not go anywhere my SO EX was at. Except SK wedding, Graduation and stuff don’t have to party with BM. If BM and BF wants to have a Happy Family they should of stayed together. Once they split and get involved with someone else there no playing Happy Family
SIL has gotten what she
SIL has gotten what she deserves.
When you set out to be nasty and control others, it is no surprise when they avoid you.
You can DH can always host the functions you want.
Invite whoever you like and keep traditions alive.
SIL does not necessarily have to be included - and it would serve her right.
I am glad you took the high road on this, because over time SIL has ended up the loser.
Thanks Letti
Thanks Letti
Good riddance to SIL and she
Good riddance to SIL and she did you a favor by keeping away. What is it with SIL that she wants to punish you and H? I'll never understand how some people think.....its really ashame that she's destroying the relationship between her brother and the rest of the family over sh!t that has nothing to do with her and can't let go......
She needs to get a life!
Couldn't have said it better
Couldn't have said it better myself Siem!
As parents and GP pass this
As parents and GP pass this is pretty much common practice for most families IMHO. Certainly that has been the case with the Rags clan contact with extended family. When my Maternal GPs passed we (the collective we) no longer travel to GA to visit with my mom's family. My parents will go ~1x per year but generally they are the only ones that make any effort. My aunt and cousins just don't visit. Our clan has always been the ones expected to travel to visit them. We have gone only once for my eldest cousin's daughter's wedding.
On my dad's side, he is an only child and has only one surviving cousin that he remains in contact with. The last time all of of were there was when my GM passed in 2000. My dad goes about 1x per year to see his cousin. My mom pretty much doesn't go at all.
Now, mom, dad, my clan and my younger brother's clad get together at our parents home fairly frequently. Several (3x+/-) per year and my brother and I see each other periodically when our business travels converge. That is usually 1-2X per year.
My forecast is that when our parents pass that my brother's clan and mine will still get together but most likely less frequently.
Since no one has sunk to toxic levels, I don't see why we would not continue to foster the family relationships into the future.
My wife visits with her family usually 2-3X per year and I go with her usually 1x per year though 1x every two years or so is not rare regarding my joining her in SpermLand to visit the IL clan.
We maintain regular telephone contact with both my parents and her mom and extended family.
So far... it is working.