OT- Deer season is here
Completely unrelated to being a step parent but my father is about to drive me crazy.
I grew up and still live in the south. A large part of our diet was deer. By 10 I was out hunting with my father. I knew if I didn’t get anything then I wasn’t doing my part to put meat in the freezer. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE hunting and we always were hoping for that big buck but at the start of the season you take what you see. I didn’t eat beef outside of a fast food burger until I went to college.
Anyways at 12 by dad bought me “my gun” AKA he wanted another but mom wouldn’t let him so he said it was for me. Ok no problem except now that I’m an adult and trying to get it he’s ducking and dodging.
First he tried pulling at my emotional side, tried bringing me a .22 that belonged to my great grandfather. Gave me the big long story about how either me or my sister will get it one day. Yeah I know and the other one will get the side arm my great grandfather carried in Germany. I’ve made it clear from day one that’s the one I want and by family rules I’m the oldest so it’s my choice. And either way neither is MY GUN.
Then he offered to get me a different gun better suited to target shooting since the rounds are cheaper. Ok that was a reasonable offer since SO and I intended to get one in the future. Well when he got it of course he had to fire it and now he’s keeping it.
So then he buys a different one and says “it’s better for the kids”…. True but I didn’t want mine for the kids.
Finally this past weekend I thought I’d won the battle. He came to visit and brings in the hard case that he uses to transport our rifles. Open it up AND…. It’s my sisters….. Oh the explicative I could say here. So-so-so close.
Now here’s the thing. I know it’s stupid but if I want something that’s what I want and something else won’t do. Get me nothing but don’t get me something different. Him bringing something else is just ticking me off. I know why he wants to keep it at home. He and my sister both love shooting it and taking it hunting. That’s fine but just say it and stop telling me you’ll bring it next time you come. Stop spending tons of money on rounds that I don’t want.
I want “MY GUN” because it’s the one I grew up using and it’s the one I use when I go hunting.
I also have a second reason for wanting MY GUN. I’d like to have it because SO and I have been planning a trip home to take the oldest hunting and I NEED to be able to back her up. SO CAN’T because he never got his hunting license so if we’re out and a ranger comes by seeing him holding a rifle they will ticket him. He can assist the child but SHE has to be the one to shoot. If she misses and the shot is bad I HAVE to be able to fire second. It’s how my father taught us. And by 15 I learned how to shoot at a moving target to fix my mistakes.
And yes I’ll be honest. The girl might be one giant excuse and I just want my gun because it’s the one I know and enjoy shooting.
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Is it possible that he sold
Is it possible that he sold or traded your gun? My father did that a few years back with a .45 that he had promised to my brother. He didn't think that I wanted it since it was Stu's gun. I intended to pass it down to one of my boys, because one of my brother's boys is a felon and the other has a pacifist mother.
Dad's collection was always a great deal of contention between my brother and me. Dad already has pieces tagged specifically for each of my boys, a few for my husband and 3 that are mine. Gonna be a fun drive home when I do need to go get them since I won't ship them unless I have to.
Both of my boys have their own guns. They also have a gun a piece that belonged to DH's uncle. They squabble about who's gonna get my .38 though LMAO.
Oh no. He still has it
Oh no. He still has it because every year I get to hear about him and my sister arguing who's going to get to use it first.
I've seen pictures of it with whoever when they get their deer and everything.
It's just always been the one we all like. To me it just felt the best. I mean it is mine and I used it every year. It just feels right. My sister's is similar but has a shorter barrel and the stock fits my shoulder wrong. The scope is also closer.
With mine when I lift and set it's smooth and I can shoot quick with pretty decent accuracy. With my sisters I can't fire quick because I'm trying to find the right spot and I can't hit a moving target.
When it comes to the .22 or the sidearm there's no fight. I'm the oldest. My grandfather already agreed before he even gave them to my father.
I've also got a more personal reason why I want it over the .22 and my sister seems just as happy to have the .22. She's already figured out which of her children will one day get the .22 and the oldest was already gifted one if my grandfather's muzzle loaders before he turned 1. Of course he's got a good many years before he'll use it.
Sounds like sister pitched a
Sounds like sister pitched a fit that she didn't get to choose your grandfather's gun, and your dad is making it up to her by giving her your gun. If that weren't the case, why would he find it appropriate to bring you your sister's gun, at the start of the season, when she would inevitably need it?
I think your dad has twice-gifted the gun, and he's sticking by who he gifted it to the second time. It's no longer yours.
Still hers
... and she's gonna get her gun back.
I have a couple of rifles & a 9mm handgun, but still miss one rifle I used to shoot that I wish I hadn't sold a decade ago (and is now illegal for comrades to purchase in my 2A-hating state). And that one wasn't even a family gun. But a fav, much-loved rifle that the family knows is hers?
Not so easy to just say it's not her gun anymore, even though ownership games are being played here.
The .22 vs the side arm is a
The .22 vs the side arm is a complete different issue that have nothing to do with our hunting rifles. My sister knows and understands the side arm is mine. She’s already said her oldest will get the .22 when he first starts shooting. The side arm is useless to her and honestly I don’t intend to shoot it either.
My dad got me my gun first. When my sister came of age he bought hers but it wasn’t the same as when he got mine. Mine was one he wanted for himself but couldn’t get because he already had a hunting rifle so he told mom it was for me. When he got my sisters like that. He just got her whatever. As such, mine is better and we all prefer mine. Even when I was still a teen if dad went without us he took my gun. If it was me and him I had mine and he had his. When it was him and my sister she’d used mine. When it was all 3 of us I used mine, he used his, and she used hers.
Like I said there are minor differences but my gun is the better one. I would have taken it when I moved out but I was in college so it stayed there and I used it when I came home and he and my sister used it freely.
My sister knows I have hers and she’s fine with that because she doesn’t use hers unless it’s the only one left. She likes mine better but it's still prefectly understood that it's MY GUN. My dad keeps saying he'll bring it but then switches things. I know if I stay frim sooner or later he'll give up and bring mine.
If it weren’t for the fact I’ve been asking for mine for 2 years I wouldn’t have an issue. I don’t mind him having it through hunting season but for the almost 10 months the rest of the year it sits in the gun safe and I wanted it to be able to take to the range around here so that I could stay sharp. Now that SO’s oldest is getting big enough we will be taking her out soon. There’s a high chance she will use my sisters or my grandfather will have found her one by then.
Hunting rifles are a big deal in my family. Like I said my sisters oldest already has his first one and I’m pretty sure my grandfather has one put back for the youngest.
Once SO and I get married I know either my grandfather or my dad will come up with rifles for SO’s two.
I understand why you want the
I understand why you want the rifle, but why are you waiting around while he "brings over" all of these other firearms? Why don't you go to his house and ask for it there? You left it there for how many years? As soon as I had my first apartment bigger than a shoe box, I moved all of my stuff out of my patents' homes. I certainly didn't expect them to BRING me anything I left behind.
ETA: anything I didn't take with me during "the launch" was no longer "mine." My mom had to sell a very nice desk my aunt had given me because she no longer had room to keep it for me. Had she decided to give it to someone else, or burn it in the backyard, that would have been her right as I wasn't paying storage fees for it.
ETA: Maybe dial back the "I'm the oldest!!!" entitlement tone and demands for inheritences while your dad still draws breath? My oldest brother tried pulling that crap when my dad was still in his early 60s. He's now in his mid 70s and everything is going to my little brother: the one who actually hunts and fishes and spends time with him.
When I “launched” it was
When I “launched” it was into a college dorm room. Not allowed to have firearms.
When I moved out of the dorm it was in with my husband and we were leaving the state and I had no ability to use it so it stayed with my dad.
As soon as I had space and found range within a reasonable distance I stated asking for my gun.
I haven’t been home but a few times since I have requested it. The first time it was at a different location. The second I didn’t have room to carry it back. The other times have always been something along those lines. “OH I need to replace X on it and will bring it when I come up next month.”
The “entitlement” as you all it only comes into play because my dad tried inheritance against me to avoid giving me a gun that already belongs to me. He tried giving me something else playing off the emotional “inheritance” connection. I talked about the .22 vs the side arm only because the .22 is my sisters inheritance not mine but my dad “gave” it to me to avoid giving me my gun. I am not demanding my father bring me the side arm. I’m demanding he bring me my gun which was bought for me, given to me, and he agrees he’s going to bring it to me then doesn’t.
I also had good reasons for
I also had good reasons for not being able to take my desk with me. That's life.
You can "demand" "your" gun all you want, I'm just warning you that this attitude you have about it may backfire. If little sister hunts with Dad regularly, I wouldn't blame him at all for wanting it to go to her. Sounds like ownership has been questionable from the start if everyone uses the rifle every year, and if your dad lied to your mom so he could get a nicer gun. Maybe the rifle gives him fond memories of hunting with his daughters and the one who doesn't even bother to hunt with him anymore wants to take it from the one who does.
You've only been home a few times and had reasons for not being able to bring it back. Maybe your dad has reasons for not fetching and delivering it to your doorstep. If it's that important to you, make the effort yourself.
Except my father has
Except my father has repeatedly said he would bring it. He comes up every month. It's not a speical trip. If he said no it would be different but he keeps saying he's bringing it then I open the case and it's not.
He told me earlier this month he was bringing it. That we would go to the range together. I bought rounds then I open the case and it's my sister's.
Stop saying you'll bring it then don't. Stop saying it's mine and I can get it any time then refusing to give it to me when I'm there because it was randomly left in another state when he KNEW I was picking it up.
You're so caught up with the idea of entitlement you're missing the fact he's lying to me.
It's not right that he's
It's not right that he's lying to you. He must not be that far if he visits once a month. Why have you only been home twice? It's pretty clear that he doesn't want to give you the gun and you don't seem to care why. So just go get it....
I didn’t say I’ve only been
I didn’t say I’ve only been home twice. I’ve said every time I’ve been home there’s been some sort of excuse as to why I couldn’t pick up rifle. I included two / three examples.
My father does visit here more than I go down there. It started after my mom and him divorced and my sister had her oldest. He would come visit and stay at my mom’s using my nephew as the reason why and it’s continued since. So he’s not just coming to see me. He’s coming trying to win back my mom.
I don’t go down as often because of my work (he’s retired) and I would have to get a hotel. When he or my sister comes they stay at my mom’s.
I don't 'get; why you don't
I don't 'get; why you don't just look for one like the one you're missing.
Dad has made it pretty clear (yeah, sadly through lies and tricks) that he's not ready to give you back the gun. He will give it to you when the 'right' time comes, won't he. It's not like he can take it with him (well, maybe he can, my sister and I did sen our father down with one of his favorite guns much to my Uncle's horror).
Yes, I know it's the one you want. Yes, I know he's being a butt by leading you on over it and then not bringing it.... but I can tell you right now, all those guns I have here belonging to my father, I'd give back in a heartbeat if I could have had more years with my father. He died at age 55. The man had some mighty nice guns and more than any person would ever need or use in a lifetime. Guns were his hobby.
When Dad passed we handed out various guns to various people Dad took hunting with him (the gesture meant a lot to those young men my father had taught to hunt... all six of them received the gun they used when Dad took them out, plus one of the young men got Dad's hunting dogs, lol) . We , of course, set aside guns for family..
The guns are a mere possession. It's the memories and the thought of my Dad that makes them 'special'.