Stuff going from house to house
We just had our first snafu with sporting equipment being at mom's house when the kid was at dad's house. SO's daughter had sports practice tonight. This past weekend was BM's weekend; she dropped the kids off at our house early this morning so I could get SD6 onto the school bus and I didn't notice that the equipment wasn't dropped off with SD - I didn't even have a passing thought about it. (The equipment was at BM's house because it was last used for a game over the weekend). We didn't realize we didn't have it until shortly before practice, and BM wasn't answering her phone. So SD missed practice.
It wasn't a big deal this time, but I'm looking for suggestions (short of owning two sets of everything) for getting necessary "stuff" into the right place when it's shared between two households. Since the kids here are still young, we haven't run into any issues until now. SO and I are not the most organized people (BM is much more organized than we are, but clearly she forgot the equipment this time too). SO and BM are friendly, so there's no issue with lack of cooperation; I'm just looking for a system that works most of the time for flawed adults who don't always remember everything and kids who go back and forth a couple times a week (5-5-2-2 schedule). I don't think putting the burden to remember on SD works at this point - she's in kindergarten and doesn't necessarily know what day today is, let alone that it's sports practice day.
Do you have a system that works? How do you handle getting stuff from house to house so that it's where it needs to be when it needs to be there?
yeah, I'm disorganised too.
yeah, I'm disorganised too. It's a struggle. The sport our kids play (his 2, my 1) just needs shoes and a mouthguard. We keep a spare set for his two here - they are 2nd hand. Right now my stepson is wearing my old rugby boots! (Which are super good quality! And I don't play anymore so he might as well wear them.). My ex doesn't live far away so usually we can manage. We keep spare mouthguards that we can fit.
Oops - ETA - we also have uniform items for them here, too because they play at my home club when they are here and at a different club when they are with BM.
I don't think there is any
I don't think there is any magic except, put it by the door so you see it on your way out (or in the car), and be available if you forget and the other parent needs to reach you. If DH and BM are amicable, then DH should discuss with her how they should handle it with each other if one forgets to bring it. You are right that you can't put it on a 6-year-old entirely, but you can start getting her in the habit of checking her stuff every morning to make sure she has everything she needs.
phone
i set automatic phone calendar reminders a half hour before arrival.
Keep the stuff in a bag and
Keep the stuff in a bag and put it where it needs to be the night before. Put an alarm in your phone so you don't forget. Those alarms come in really handy for stuff like this.
I have SD9 pack her dance bag the night before and it goes into the car that morning on our way to school. Its kept with her backpack so its not forgotten. This is a life skill that will pay off in the long run. Its worth finding a system that works for your house.
I don't think it's wrong to
I don't think it's wrong to expect a 6 year old to remember to grab their stuff. I would just make their sports equipment part of their routine, just like their backpack. Even if they don't have sports that night, it would help your SD get into a habit of remembering it if it's something she grabs at every visit.
Whatever system you have in place now so that SD remembers to grab her backpack should suffice for the sports equipment in your home. What BM decides to do in her home is on her. If this continues to be a problem of BM not remembering, and BM not giving SD the responsibility to remember it on her own, then it might be good to invest in similar equipment for your home.
Apparently two adults and a 6 YO could not remember
But some blame only the 6 YO. OP says they get along well with the BM. I would suggest everyone come up with a checklist, things to go with child, or if the stuff belongs to the mom, see if she will keep in a garage they can access.
I don't see anyone blaming
I don't see anyone blaming the 6YO.
I see people stating it's okay to put some of the responsibility on the 6YO, and offering up ways to do that. Which is exactly what the OP asked for.
It's up to the kids
DW puts it on her kids. If they forget, that's on them.
HOWEVER...
In your case, I'd recommend a sports bag that is bright and always visible, and you keep it by the door so you always know where it is - it's either BY THE DOOR, or it's AT YOUR EX'S PLACE. Then, also, put a marker board up with the date of the next sporting activity so EVERYONE can see the day it'll leave the house, either to go to an activity or to your Ex's.
We tried leaving the bags in the car, but then sometimes, the kid unexpectedly needed the gear while he was at his dad's, so we got to where we never leave the gear in the car. You may consider that, though there's always a drawback.
Best solution, have an extra set of sports equipment, one at your place - and one at your ex's. It's expensive, though, and probably not worth it. But down the road, coaches will cut a kid for missing practice, so it helps a lot to get the kids to take up that responsibility ASAP. It's great to get them to learn responsibility by makeing them accountable, though I know they're too young to dump it on them now - so be structured and consistent, whatever you do, so they can get that down.
With sports DH and I just
With sports DH and I just keep the equipment. We go to all the games and practices to make sure that the girls have theri stuff. But we let it go once and dint' get half of it back. It was ridiculous. Then she tried to blame the girls... Lovely.
So unless the skids are going to be SUPER on top of getting equipment places, you may need to do something similar. Or whoever pays for the equipment keeps the equipment with them.
whoever pays...
This is one way that would not work for some - but would be THE ONLY way for others LOL. Some parents are pretty irresponsible with their own stuff, and irresponsible with the kids' stuff as well - and would be HORRIBLE for reliability. After all, they got divorced for a reason LOL... I know my ex would say she was the organized one, and yup... she was a Bolshevik control freak. Once I divorced her and got on my own, I reverted back to my Marine training and organized that way, which worked great for me (because it was different than her way, it was VERBOTEN).
Why doesn’t she have things
Why doesn’t she have things available at your house for the things that she is in? It would make it so easier.
Kids need to be responsible
For their own things ..once they get to a certain age, it's up to them to remember. If the parents keep having to do it all for them, that isn't helping anyone. If they forget it, they suffer the consequences, otherwise they will never learn.