Whackadoodle has climbed out of middle earth right back into our lovely city of 4.5 million. Although she's on supervised probation in Texas, jobless, maybe homeless and allegedly divorcing Weak Chin, she's once again traveling about the country and her little black wings have brought her back to our state. A trip planned, just coincidentally I'm sure, to coincide with SS23's one week visit to see DH and SS21. She and DH divorced in 2011 and she moved away, leaving DH to raise her boyees. DH has had her blocked from all contact since 2014. Now she's bragging to the skids that she's found a "non-sexual sugar daddy" who is allowing her to use his American Express Black card to wow the skids at various expensive steak houses. SS23, yep 23, lives elsewhere so she's fed him a $70 steak and SS21 was able to enjoy his on Wednesday. Neither DH nor I asked SS21 about his dining experience with the goddess of middle earth because we don't care. 

Friday my spidey senses were up. DH has her blocked from his phone but she has left messages in the past so I almost asked if he'd checked his phone lately but I decided I was being paranoid. He called me from work later that day to say she had turned off her caller ID and he answered the call thinking it was work. The following is a somewhat true transcript of the conversation:

(please read BM's part in a whiney, dog whistle like voice)

BM: SS21 told me about your dad's health problems and I want to send him a card. Do you have his address?

DH: You don't need to send anyone in my family a card.

BM: You can't tell me what to do.

DH: You called me.

BM: So you won't give me the address?

DH: No.

BM: Well I'll just get it some other way.

End Scene.

As far as we know, nobody in DH's family has has any contact with Whackadoodle for years.

DH and I go to dinner almost every Friday. We really like a local restaurant not far from our house, but about 22 miles from Del Boca Vista SW, where BM stays when she's here. This Friday we tried a new place and didn't eat at El Taco Locasita like we normally do. When we got home, SS21 says, "it's a good thing you didn't go to El Taco Locacista, you would have run into Whackadoodle". WTF??? I'm sure one of the Town Criers, aka the Skids, has mentioned to her that we go there almost every week because they make fun of us being old and having a routine. So that cray cray broad got all dolled up in her finest pink with rhinestone ensemble and attempted to bump into DH at dinner, in a city of over 4.5 million people. What are the odds? (sarcasm). Then SS21 drops the lil nugget that BM has baked him cookies and wants to drop them off at our house on Saturday while SS21 is at work (but DH will be home)?? Once again, WTF? So I said, "Oh, hell no", and DH said, "tell her no", and I went out and literally screwed the nozzle onto the garden hose in front of the house because if she pranced up our driveway, cookies in hand, shit was going to go down!

Saturday, SS21 tell us he told her not to come here and reads us her texted reply. I tuned some of it out because I was running through some tactical hose spraying scenarios while he was talking but here's what I can remember:

BM: It's a shame that your father hates me so much caw-caw caw-caw caw-caw more words caw-caw.

BM: I'm working with addicts who have been cast away, something about Jesus, caw-caw caw-caw caw-caw, me me me I'm a victim me me me. 

So SS23 get here on Wednesday. Are there more expensive steaks in the future? Will this be the year I finally go all Ralphy on her ass? Stay tuned.

Oh, and for those of you who think these broads go away when the skid age out. Ha ha ha.

P.S.. Hi Tog and Former AA girl.