Long story short, my Husband is a wonderful man but he has made some mistakes in his past. He has a 7 year old daughter who he gained full legal and physcial cusotdy over when she was 12 months old, she doesnt know her BM at all. Later on he dated a gal for only several months and they ended up getting married when his daughter was 3. They moved in together once they were married and his daughter now had a step mom, the first "mom" she had known. The SM didnt take a huge interest in his daughter, but she loved her and cared for her as expected. Things started to get rocky between BD and the SM, when their relationship started to fall apart only several months into their marriage the SM started to cling to his daughter more. They were divorced after being married 9 months. The SM moved out immediatly and left a note saying it was better she didnt have any contact with her SD and to tell her good bye for her. However, the SM's Mom was very attached to the BD's daughter and didnt want to loose contact with her in the divorce, she asked to beable to see her on occasion. BD agreed the "grandma" could visit his daughter and along with that came the SM seeing her as well since she lived near by. Only a few weeks after the divorce the SM called to tell her now ex-husband she is pregnant with their child. They go through her pregnancy apart but he supported her in anything she needed and attended appointments ect, like any good father would do. She ended up coming home with him from the hospital when the baby was born and they lived together again for 3 months. He says they did not have any type of physical relationship at that time, it was merely the best way for them to care for and spend time with their new baby. He thinks she had hoped they would work things out during that time and end up together again, and once she saw that wasnt going to happen she moved out again. They worked out an agreement between them on visitation and child support and that is still in affect today and works out well for the most part. Their daughter is now 4 years old. My husband and I met about a year and a half ago, when his daughters were 2 and 5. We were married in March of 2011 but have been living together since November, before that we spent pretty much everyday together with his daughters included. When we first met he told me the stories of his ex and his older daughters mother, and how she needed a stable mom in her life after all she had been through. It melted my heart and I wanted to become that person. I didnt know his daughter went on visits to see his ex wife and her SM?, I didnt even know she called her Mom until I heard it. It bothered me at first because it seemed the SM and grandma could call almost every weekend to have his daughter stay the night, and even go on vacation with them. I was having a hard time building my own relationship with her because she was always gone with his ex wife. Shortly before we were married we agreed to limit their time to one overnight visit per month and extra time for the holiays. This put the SM and grandma in a rage and they attempted to talk my husband into calling off the wedding, which obviously didnt work. We've stuck to the one night a month routine and it works out for the most part, they ask for additional nights occasionally and its upsetting to his daughter when she cant go and it also causes major stress between us. My husbands daughters and I get along very well and have came a long way, it was a rocky start becuase they didnt have much structure or disiciple before we met. I expected common household rules and respect from his girls, and they just werent used to it at all. I stay home with his daughter while he is working and take care of her every need, she calls me Mom on her own behalf and I really enjoy taking on that role. However, she is constantly saying mean things to me to if she doesnt get her way, if I wont buy her something for example, she'll tell me she'll just have her Mom get it. Or if shes in trouble for something she'llsay she wished her dad and I never got married or that she lived with her other Mom. I know she doesnt realy mean those things and I try to make sure I dont let it get to me but its hard to do. My husband doesnt understand why I struggle with his daughter seeing his ex wife more than once a month. I really wish it didnt bother me so much, am I being too selfish? Is it healthy for her to continue visiting my husband's ex wife, especially since they were only married a short time? Should she be allowed to go more often? They both use their 4 year old daughter together as an excuse, that the girls need to see eachother, but they see eachother several times a week at my house too. I don't understand why my husband thinks its so important to have his ex wife part of his daughters life, I think now its just come to all the time that has passed its too late to change it.