New to the whole "evil stepmom"
I am about to get married and trying to work on a realtionship with my two new stepdaughters, I get along very well with the younger one, she is 15 and a very sweet girl. His oldest daughter seems to be very stand-offish, she is always giving me dirty looks, hardly will not speak to me, and if and when she does its usually a rude comment. There is a 16 year age difference between her and I, and I keep telling myself to relax and take a breath because I do not want any tension between us or at a family gathering. She kinda acts like she looks down on me, or I am not good enough. I am alot different than her mother and also the woman her father was involved with for the last 7 years, I like to have some drinks, I am usually the "louder" one in the group, I joke around alot, and enjoy having a great time with my friends. I make her dad very happy and laugh a lot, and I have expressed to him a few times I will not change the way I am to try to win his daughter over or anyone else. I was married before for almost 10 years and was like a hermit, no friends, no kind of social life and when I got divorced 7 years ago I found a new freedom and learned that I love being around people. My two boys are very comfortable with him and always joke around with him, I don't think I will ever have that with her. Don't want it to stop our marriage, but at the same time I don't want to be the reason his daughter is always mad. She recently met my family and lets just say she didn't go out of the way to talk to any of them. I was so embarrassed for the way my family was treated that day.
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The young lady , per your
The young lady , per your profile, is 22. Nothing to really win over.
Speak to your Dh2B about your expectation of being respected. While you certainly can not force the young lady to think 'you're all that' and be your buddy and/or think of you as mother figure to her, you can and should expect the dirty looks and rude comments to cease.
She can dislike you and find you distasteful all she pleases... nonverbally and without obnoxious facial expressions.
Clarify skid #2, please. One place states 18 (profile) and in blog , age 15. Surely just one is a typo, but it helps with knowing if she is a young adult or still a minor teenager.
Personalities aren't always going to click. You are very likely not a woman this older skid would enjoy socializing with , nor you her. But it's ok. People get stuck having to be civil and polite to each other all the time in various setting (example, the work place).
You can't be too terrible if the younger skid thinks you're ok, lol.
Your age difference is sufficient enough in span that it isn't what should be considered much of an issue. It's not like Dad picked out some one age 26.
You may never truly enjoy each other's company, but it doesn't mean the two of you can't get along if you both keep in mind you are both grown woman. If she were married and you didn't much care for her husband, surely you wouldn't go into her home and act an *ss with dirty looks and rude remarks. She owes her father the same consideration. He has chosen you as his wife. He loves you. Doesn't matter if she does or not, she isn't marrying you nor does she have to live with you.
Total typo, she is 18. Thank
Total typo, she is 18. Thank you so much for your input.
You should never change for
You should never change for anyone. Always remain your true authentic self. For you not to would mean living a lie and cheating yourself. I wish I can tell you that his SD may come around but there's also the possibility that she may not...what you have to look at is your H supportive? Does he address issues when they occur? If she's disrespectful will he speak up and tell her about it? I'd hate for you to get married and live a life of misery because your competing with his jealous daughter.
You have to see where you H stands and what you are willing to accept going into this marriage.
OP - you do NOT have to
OP - you do NOT have to include any ahole adult in your life no matter who they are related to. Now you do not have the right to tell your fiance that he can't see his daughter - but you can ask him to keep ANYONE who is rude and obnoxious to you out of your orb. And a person who is not willing to protect their spouse from verbal assaults is just as bad as a person who would allow their spouse to be physically abused.
Abuse is abuse. And should NEVER be tolerated. And you should be diligent in protecting your family from this ahole. Never let her near you and yours.