I need quick advice. My boyfriend’s son is still getting in trouble at school for hurting other children. He actually did it today so he will have consequences with us. We can’t do the same thing their mom does but I think what we’re doing is fair and comparable.

At the same time his daughter got recognized for really good behavior / participation at school today. She got a little award and everything.

Is it wrong for us to get her a small reward / toy and nothing for him? I’m hesitate to bribe him by offering the same if he can make it a week without getting in trouble because they already have a toy chest in the classroom and it’s not doing anything?

Also her behavior was above what was expected while the boy's not hitting is what he should be doing anyways. I don’t think we should reward him for doing what he is supposed to.

On top of this they are with their mom’s through the week so I think it’s kind of wrong for us to be giving him a “big” reward at the end of the week. First off she needs to be parenting during the week and this would be us doing it for her if that makes since. I don’t mind us supporting her but if she’s not giving him a toy on the weekends she has him then it wouldn’t be fair.

Should we just not reward the daughter? At the same time I think the kid might have gotten a similar award last year but honestly I don’t think he deserved it. I think his dad was actually mad that the school gave him the reward and it felt more like it was “his turn” to get it instead of him earning it.

Also if we start giving rewards for him not hurting other students how do we phase it out without him doing it on purpose to get back at us. We had that happen with bedtime when we tried something similar.