Money grubbing over bearing MIL
I cannot stand my SO's overbearing, overly involved, money grubbing, greedy mother. The sad thing is I have become quite attached to his children and will miss them dearly. I am slowly falling out of love with him though because of his lack of boundaries with his mother. I can't imagine the rest of my life putting up with his mother and her antics and not saying anything. She is obsessed with money and status and all she ever talks about are the important people she associates with and how she tries to introduce her kids to women who are wealthy that she knows. She acts like I don't exist. half the time She once sent him on a trip to visit a woman/childhood friend who is single and is a wealthy doctor in another state. Too bad she didn't know she was in a realtionship and not interested in him which she wasn't aware of at the time. This woman is also an alcoholic pill popper apparently she didn't care about that either. All my MIL ever talks about are successful people with money and important careers. She acts like I'm a bum who doesn't work. (I have a college degree and a decent job and I actually make more money than her son does! I am also responisble with money unlike her kids) She calls him multiple times daily and it's gotten to the point where some of the things he says sounds like his mom talking on repeat. I am also not the same religion as them and this was discussed before we got serious but it's always an issue for them even though they don't confront me on it. I don't care to be relgious which I can tell is an issue but I've never been a relgious person although I respect others who are and respect their want to be. But they act like people who are their religion are better than others. Ugh. Dont know what to do.
Ruuuuuuuuun! Unless you want
Ruuuuuuuuun! Unless you want to be "not good enough" for her son and grandchildren and also to be forced into religion for the rest of your life.
This is awful. It sounds like
This is awful. It sounds like your SO needs to either set a firm boundary at the risk of upsetting his mother, or cut her out of his life altogether if he wants a relationship with you. I doubt he'll do it, because there's usually a co-dependency issue that breeds the overbearing mother issue in the first place. Honestly, get out while you can. I have an overbearing FMIL, she's not this bad, but it isn't easy AT ALL.
Ugh- what the hell is wrong
Ugh- what the hell is wrong with people- I swear I lose more faith in the human race daily lol
She sounds awful
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries
I, too, have a boundary-deficient MIL. She is also status and money-obsessed, but not as bad as yours.
If your SO can't set boundaries with her, then you should think long and hard about whether your relationship is worth the pain and struggle of dealing with a boundary-buster.
In my case, I've had to really work to get DH to understand and set boundaries with his mother. I'm friendly to her face, but mostly avoid her. There were two incidents that pushed me over the edge with her: 1) told DH in front of me that he should make his brother the executor of his will to ensure SSs get "what is rightfully theirs" (DH had nothing but debt when I met him); 2) after DH's last contentious mediation session where he and BM agreed to only correspond via email and text, MIL called DH and said, "I had a long talk with BM and she thinks - and I agree - that StrugglingSM is really a cause of a lot of the problems between the two of you. I think you should all sit down and work things out." I almost cut her completely out of my life after that last one. I almost broke off my engagement with DH because BM was so out of control crazy after we got engaged. BM was also abusive to DH throughout their marriage (as assessed by two separate counselors), so they never had a good relationship. BM was just angling to get me in a room, because she is obsessed with the fact that I am not interested in being her friend.
DH and his siblings mostly avoid her as well. DH used to be much closer to her, even though she totally meddled in his life, was always doing BM's bidding to try to manipulate him, and didn't respect his ability to make decisions in his own life. In his mind, "putting your family first" meant accepting whatever bad behavior his family members threw his way. His siblings put up with less, but none of them have really set boundaries with her, they just limit their interactions to reduce her opportunities to meddle.
I don't think she has any idea how I really feel about her. She periodically complains to DH that I never call her, but a) her kids don't call, why should I?; b) I've called her and left messages and she doesn't call back; c) she only contacts me when she wants me to do some favor for her or BM, so no thank you!
Thank you for the kind
Thank you for the kind reponses. We just got back from a family gathering at MILs. SO spent most the time with MIL and ignored me most of the time as usual. I used to help out in the kitchen but don't care anymore. I spent my time with the skids and talking to others. SO had a brief sepration this summer (mainly due SO's coldness, anger outbursts, parenting, and MIL issues). I noticed MIL took any photos she had of me down. lol. We are in couselling now and doing much better but the counselling was initatied by me. It's funny how parents think their own kids are perfect.