Another crying tantrum today and Dad allows it
Today went up in flames. The 3 of us did an activity together. The Dad spent money on a ticket for the kid- all 3 of us were supposed to do the activity. After I did it I got sick and almost threw up to the point where the people who worked there said are you ok and had to get me water- but guess what- my SO didn't even notice because he was too focused on his son. When it was time for the son to do the activity he threw another crying fit for attention and the dad caved and then said he didnt have to do it.. I had to be the one to go and get our money back. This is such brat behavior. It ruined the entire rest of the day to the point where I said just take me home. He then got furious at me saying don't ever tell me my son is a brat- he's a great kid, you are the brat! He also brought the kid over my apt today because the kid "had to go to the bathroom' despite me saying no, my apt is clean, I don't want him telling his Mother that/ how I live and I need more notice. Well he knocked on the door anyway and brought the kid in and then told me I should understand when kids have to 'go' they have to go. Afterwards we came back and we worked on cleaning up the apt while the kid watched tv downstairs in my apt.. pulling on my blinds and almost breaking a. glass candle. I said please tell him to stop. He told him to. The kid proceeded to anyway. He also allowed the kid to come upstairs and take all of my personal books which have serious info about me as the topics and not stuff I would want him reading and he let the kid put all of the books away! I had to ask him to please not let him touch my books and that he wasn't allowed upstairs. He told me he was having a terrible time, this was not enjoyable and he was taking his son and leaving. He then said "I'm not ready for this" and proceeded to tell me how selfish I am. Additionally, when we were at the activity today the person who worked there said to the kid- "your mom and dad.." about me and my SO. the kid burst out loud laughing which was hurtful. I tried to tell the dad this who then said my son would never laugh. Stop trying to say bad things about him. And said I basically made up the story. I really don't think I can do this. I don't enjoy being around his kid whatsoever- and I lose respect for the Dad every time I see him around his kid. I do find him to be a brat..and all he does is get defensive and then tell me I am the spoiled brat and need to work on myself. and its all my problem and many people would love to be with him. I can't. picture a life like this. He guilts me about everything. For ex, the next 3 weekends he wont get to see his son- 2 of which hes traveling for his own work nothing to do with me and one in between having to do with me.. only one.. but he will blame ME and say hes not seeing his son for 3 weekends in a row like im robbing him of his son. I can't take this. anymore. I really think its over and I am at my witts end. He thinks his child and life is perfect and honestly I can't do this anymore. He is not emotionally supportive whatsoever and I feel like the hired help and not even a partner. He doesn't get it and just tells me to work on myself and all of this is my problem and 'I'm not ready for this" I really wonder how people can be turned on by their partner when they watch them act like this w their kids. I find it gross. I don't find him being a dad cute. I find it needy and annoying and pretty much sickening to deal with.
Yep, idk why you are still
Yep, idk why you are still with him.
You think that this is over?
You think that this is over? This guy is such a waste of skin POS parent, characterless POS person, manipulative POS asshole that I am shocked at you for only thinking that it is over. Have your locks rekeyed, block this POS and and leave he and his toxic, rude prior relationship breeding experiment crotch Twinkie running down the street with crossed legs looking for a place to pee.
You know that this should have been over when it first started.
This isn’t rocket science. Keep it simple.
Take care of you.
which part do you think he
which part do you think he was being manipulative about? i think i have blinders on and cant see it
“My kid’s not s brat. You are
“My kid’s not s brat. You are brat.”
”No my apartment needs cleaning”- and he manipulated his way in anyway.
You asked him repeatedly to get his spawn under control and he not only refused, he tried to justify it by saying it wasn’t fun, was boring etc...
”I’m not ready for this(repeatedly)” yet he gaslights/manipulates you into staying and swimming in the toxic cesspool of his crap and the shallow and polluted gene pool he and his toxic crotch nugget represent.
And that is only what I remember off of the top of my head from your original post.
Literally everything.
Literally everything. Has he said anything nice to you recently? It sounds like he doesn't like you very much and you don't like him either. Why do you keep hanging out with someone who is mean to you when you don't live together, have no financial ties, and no children together? All of the things that keep people together long after they should split don't apply here. You can walk away scott free. So why do you still deal with it????
Once again
the two of you want different things and you needed to end this weeks ago.
In terms of the activity...I think you are inexperienced with kids. You almost threw up afterwards and you assume the kid was throwing a fit for attention...the activity made you sick so it could very well be that said child was scared and saw that you were ill and didn't want to do it. What was the activity?
You sound hypersensitive to anything this child does. A relationship with a man with a child or children is the wrong fit for you. Just end it and move on.
what does he actually want? i
what does he actually want? i dont even know. to be a good dad? i dont get what he wants vs. what i want
I can't answer that
for him. I can answer as a parent....my partner gets ill from an activity and then my young child starts crying when it is his turn....my expectation is that the adult cares for his or her self while I calm the child and don't force them to do said activity that made the adult ill.
Bathroom? Now in that I would quickly have the child use the toilet and then leave for the day if my partner doesn't want the child there. That is a boundary thing.
I have been married for going on 18 years. My husband and I knew what we wanted and it has worked for the most part but there were some duds before that (including my ex husband) and some just not good fits. This isn't a good fit.
It does sound like he wants to be a good dad when his child is with him but that the two of you have different definitions of what a good dad is.
the kid didnt want to do it
the kid didnt want to do it when he first bought the ticket also- it has nothing to do w me feeling sick- to be honest neither of them even noticed or saw i was sick. the kid was cryin because he never wanted to do it in the first place and the dad bought the ticket anyway. neither of them noticed i didnt feel well.. the only people who did were the people who worked there...
That is a failure
on dad's part....so I would let go of the tantrum part and focus on the rest. Kids shouldn't be forced to do "fun" things that are not fun for them and that is a huge red flag for me on him as a parent. So the "tantrum" actually sounds like a legitimate fear and dad was trying to force the issue. As someone who is deathly afraid of things like heights I can tell you adults trying to force children to do things they are scared of only deepened their fears and it is cruel.
You need to leave the relationship. Like others said, ghost him.
This guy is an asshole. Why
This guy is an asshole. Why do you care what he wants?
^^^THIS^^^
^^^THIS^^^ Short, sweet, and to the point. Put another way....you have better uses for your time than to give this guy another thought.
I wouldn't orry about what he
I wouldn't orry about what he wants. I would concetrate on my own wants and needs. Will this man ever consider your wants and needs? Or will you always be belittled and manipulated round to what he wants?
Ghost him. Block him every
Ghost him. Block him every which way possible. Never so much as speak to him again. He's worthless.
Great minds
Great minds think alike! *ROFL*
Ghost him.
Ghost him. Block his number, don''t answer the door if he comes by, and if he catches you going in or out tell him only "go away" and keep walking. No conversation - no drama - no nothing. This guy is not worth your time. Just pretend he no longer exists and get on with your life. You have tortured yourself long enough.
Run, don't walk away. The red
Run, don't walk away. The red flags are blinding. He is disregarding your boundaries. It will not get better. I fail to understand why these Disney Daddies date. If the kids come first, then put them first and stop trying to get laid in the process. Why would you settle for second rate?
curious what is a disney dad?
curious what is a disney dad? I keep hearing the term but don't really understand what it means. When I set the boundary he made it seem like i was a terrible person for saying no to his son to use the bathroom. there are a thousand bathrooms. why did he have to force his way to use this one when i said no and that I hadn't cleaned my house yet. He used it anyway. and then let the kid upstairs..
You can’t possibly be this
You can’t possibly be this clueless and be a functioning adult. You need to immediately get over your rampant case of CranioRectitis with this guy and dump him. Please!
He.is.an.asshole.a.manipulator.and.you.are.playing.right.into.his.hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please stop!
A Disney dad is an NCP that does anything and everything possible to avoid parenting and to make their time with their prior relationship children a trip to Daddy Disney Land. There are no rules, no consequences, no boundaries and everything is about the kid(s).
Take care of you.
he has 50/50 joint custody
So what? He is a toxic man
So what?
He is a toxic man brat boy with a toxic spawn and they both minimize you and treat you like crap.
Being a Disney Dad has nothing to do with parenting time and everything to do with behavior.
What is it going to take for you to gain clarity on what is brutally obvious?
I am worried about you and I am frightened for you. Please figure this out. QUICK!
You've been dating this guy
You've been dating this guy for 4 months and even before you met the kid, it was not working. It's time to move on.
You knew a month ago, when you joined us here, that this was not working. How many more months, which will turn into years, are you going to waste on this guy? He seems like an inconsiderate jerk, besides the fact that he is not ready to date AND be a father.
A Disney dad is a dad who's world revolves around their kid and the kid can do nothing wrong. A Disney dad never tells the kid no, doesn't discipline, and basically raises an inconsiderate, entitled brat.
he flew off the handle and
he flew off the handle and said do not ever again call my kid a brat. I've never seen him get so angry as he did about that comment and then said I am the real brat and the child out of the two of them. And his son is more well mannered and better behaved than I am and I need to "work" on myself. All of this is turned back on me that I am "not ready for this." His world revolves entirely around his kid and his job only. and all of the "friends" he has.
In the short time you've been
In the short time you've been dating him he has abundantly told you and shown you who he is ... and you refuse to see it. Why? Because you think you're in love. You're not. Love is a reciprocal thing and it takes two. Saying "I love you" is just words. Showing someone how much you love him/her is true love. He isn't showing you live. He's showing you that he has no respect for you. None.
You've only been dating a short time, yet he was pushing you for marriage by THREE months. If that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is. He pushed you to meet his son before you were ready - red flag. He gaslights you - red flag. He has no time for you yet insists on having you around - red flag. Why do you have so little self-esteem? Dating is supposed to be about finding the right partner - this guy decided from the start it would be you and is doing all he can to MAKE you the right partner. Right now he's training you to be submissive and put his son before you.
I'm assuming that you are young and probably above-average pretty with a good job? Right? Here it is in a nutshell, he's often too busy with his work to take care of his son so he wants an unpaid nanny that keeps him happy in bed and that he can parade like a trophy preferably without much character (he's working on making you lose that right now).
Look how miserable he's made you after four short months. Can you imagine this five years down the line?!
This one's a dud, drop him like a hot brick, chalk the four months up to experience and raise your expectations. You deserve so much better...
and PS- on weekends he is w
and PS- on weekends he is w the kid he doesnt text me at ALL.. havent heard from him the rest of the day. he entirely ghosts me when his son is there and only writes back if hes replying to me, never initiating.
My eyes hurt
I cannot believe what I just read. That is an aweful situation. Dad is not ready for a relationship and I don’t think you sound ready to have a step kid in your life. Especially one that may be a brat. I’d call it quits for everyone’s sanity. The dad does not respect you at all. And it sounds like you do not want to be involved with this kid at all.
RUN!!!!!!
Another dicktamized woman.
Another dicktamized woman. How can you love a man that won't respect you??
This will not get better. Really, pull your head out of your ass and kick this loser to the curb. If he's lucky the kid will break free when they land.
Run!!
Run until you're tired and if you turn around and still see him run some more. This man is clearly not ready for a relationship and you deserve so much better.
I was dating a single dad and he also has kids (10 and 9). The older one is my little buddy, while the younger one is "generally" a good kid. If his kids acted anything like this man's child, I would not be engaged to him.
Get out while you still can. Trust, there's a lot of bigger and better fish in the sea.
Leave him- it sucks HARD at
Leave him- it sucks HARD at first- it'll be one of the hardest things to do if you're in love with him.
But, it'll get better in time and you'll be glad you did.
Trust me, I just did it
I think it's both of you.
He is clearly not ready for a relationship, for whatever reason. And you sound so desparate to be in a relationship that you will accept being treated like this.
This is nothing to do with his son, his son is having difficulty adjusting to the changes in his life.
I suggest you take off your rose coloured glases and re read your threads and then re think what you actually want from a relationship and whether you are getting any off it from this one.
I'm gonna go so far as to say
I'm gonna go so far as to say that calling his kid a brat is a NO-NO. I couldn't be with someone who called my kid names. He has every right to be angry. The kid needing the toilet - yes, when they gotta go they gotta go. That would be a red flag for me, too.
That being said - you're definitely not the only one at fault here - and he doesn't seem to respect your feelings - e.g. letting the kid stay and mess around with your books. And the fact that he's trying to 'force' fun on a kid and do an activity that makes you sick and the kid cry and doesn't seem to care about either of you is not a good sign.
Just call it quits. You've only been dating a short while. Not everyone is cut out to stepparent - maybe you're not one of those and maybe he's not a good bio parent or a good bioparent for a step relationship. You guys just aren't well suited.
If the kid is a brat then why
If the kid is a brat then why not call it like it is? Facts are neither good nor bad. They are merely facts.
Outline the facts of his bratty behavior, highlight them to daddy-kins. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Daddy will either get butt hurt and stomp off into the distance or .... step up and fix his toxic brat.
Either way... the OP wins.