I was going to title this blog post "I hate being a stepmom", but then I realized that my issues are just as much with my DH as they are with his kids and ex wife. 

This weekend, we had SSs for a long weekend. Despite my asking DH several times in advance what his plans were, he didn't tell me until the last minute that his family was hosting a 'birthday party" for his nephew on Sunday. I found out from SS when he said, "aren't we going to grandma's house on Sunday?" If you read my previous blogs, you'll know that my in-laws have been less receptive to me in the role of stepmother, so any gathering with DH's family always fills me with dread. At this gathering, both MIL and BIL made sure to make lots of conversation about BM and SIL totally ignored both me and DH again. All par for the course, I suppose. DH also insisted upon doing something I asked him not to do, resulting in the unfortunate result I had predicted, right before the gathering, so I was already in a bad mood and feeling extra annoyed because I felt like I was going last minute to his family gathering as a favor for DH. 

Also, on Friday, DH took SSs to the grocery store, where they bought a week's worth of snacks that were eaten in 36 hours. After the snacks were eaten, the empty containers were naturally put back into the pantry. When I pointed this out to DH, he did not say anything to his children. I later noticed that because one of the empty containers was also placed in the pantry upside down, there were also sprinkles all over the pantry floor. Since, god forbid I should expect SSs to lift a finger while they are with us (and if I do, it's just because I "don't like [DH's] kids), I asked DH to clean up the sprinkles so we wouldn't have ants. This morning as I'm trying to rush out the door, I look on the floor and notice that the sprinkles are still there, so I send DH a nasty text and clean them up myself. 

Finally, DH spent his entire budget for the week while SSs were with us, so I also woke up to withdrawals from our joint account for DH's own personal use, since he was either unable or unwilling to budget - despite my repeated questions about whether he thought he had budgeted enough for himself and whether he was staying under his budget. 

Don't get me wrong, we had the usual BM drama, so it wasn't just DH. On Friday evening, DH told one kid that he didn't need a bandaid (which he didn't) so the kid loudly screamed, "I'm going to call mom." To which DH said, "go right ahead." This was not the usual kid who calls BM when he is unhappy with something DH says - leading BM to send a flurry of angry texts demanding DH do whatever the kid is asking. That kid doesn't bring his phone anymore because DH told him that if he was only going to use his phone to stir up trouble, he should leave it at home. This was the other kid, who rarely talks to BM because he is not her favorite, but it's nice to know that he's also learned how to manipulate the system by calling her when with us. On Monday, BM - who previously told DH that he could bring the kids home whenever he wanted - texted to say that the kids just had to be home by 1pm because she had not taken them school shopping, yet (school starts today). Before DH could even answer, she texted the kid with the phone and he loudly yelled out "dad, mom says we have to be home by 1pm." That kind of stuff always pushes me over the edge, especially since when DH wanted to pick the kids up early and texted by BM and SSs to request an early pick-up, BM texted him back and said it was "a low blow" to try to use the children to get an early pick-up (this is the same woman who wanted to take DH to court because she was mad he had to pick them up later with his new job, but I digress). 

I just get sick of all the dysfunction...I have to deal with the fall-out of DH's first marriage, including his family's inability to move on, I have to deal with his family's overall dysfunction, and DH's disney dad tendencies, coupled with his lack of awareness or caring that the only way to build a marriage partnership is to work at it, including working with your spouse on budgeting, etc. 

I can only imagine what his life with BM was life because neither of them can manage their own lives, let alone manage a marriage.