Great book
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I read a great book and I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with a high conflict parent.
It's called "letting go of crazy"
My dh has an ex who is also an alienator and completely ignorant to everyone around her and just a complete loon. This book really helped.
Who's the Author? That one
Who's the Author? That one might be worth the read !
sorry its "say goodbye to crazy"
I typed the wrong title. "say goodbye to crazy" is by Dr. Tara Palmatier and Paul Elam. Its geared more towards stepmothers but works for either gender.
Not people I'd take advice from...
Paul Elam is a leader of the Men's Rights Movement which sounds fine, but is really mostly hateful stuff against women. He has a long history of abandoning children and abusing spouses. He runs a website called a Voice for Men which features a lot of people from the alt-right, including racists, anti-semites as well as misogynists. Tara Palmatier has made a career out of blaming women (she has the Shrink for Men website) - she seems to have back-pedalled a bit since she was in an abusive relationship herself - I guess that's what happens when you run with women-haters, not that I'd wish that on anyone, but it does seem like a bit of karma. You may not mind and there may be some value in the book, but it's worth knowing what kind of movements the authors are associated with.
I'm not saying that there might not be value in the book and my SO certainly has a crazy ex (suspected BPD) as do I (suspected aspergers and diagnosed anxiety bordering on paranoia) and we've both suffered from a lot of verbal and emotional abuse with them and continue to do so and see our children suffer. I'd love to have help dealing with those people, but I would definitely not be taking any advice from Paul Elam. Of course, since he also has a long history of sponging off women - it's probably not mostly his work.
Wikipedia
Here is the first paragraph of Paul Elum's page on Wikipedia: "A Voice for Men (also known as AVfM, AVFM or AV4M) is a United States-based for-profit limited liability company and online publication founded in 2009 by Paul Elam. A proponent of the Men's Rights Movement, or "Men's Human Rights Activism", it is the largest and most influential men's rights website. Its editorial position is strongly antifeminist and frequently accuses feminists of being misandrist in their mindset." I know, I know - someone is going to come back with, "Wikipedia is hear-say." But listen to https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkhakammPmSa4EvMPhEVN-g. I listened to him for about two minutes - I could feel my nostrils touch my earlobes. Even in his first sentence he is spouting paranoid hate-speech about the dreaded 'feminists'.
I am one of those 'feminists' who was denied a 'Man's' job in 1965 because, "You are a woman and you will just get pregnant!" I fought discrimination for 30 years. There has been progress but we have a long way to go.
Much of the problems we SMs deal with today stem from outdated beliefs about a 'woman's place' in society. This is why we STILL have trouble fitting with the 'ideal family'. Presently, both Husband and Wife must work to survive but we haven't yet evolved into equal partnership with our spouse. The 'Head of the household' on our joint tax form is not the highest earner, it is still the man.
John McCain was a 'middle-of-the-road' politician. He voted for his conscience rather than party lines. He respected fellow politicians no matter their beliefs. I am hoping with his recent passing that we can somehow heal this horrible, increasing divide between what people call "the left and right", and bring unity back to our country. I sincerely hope, both in politics, and in our blended family - that we can all learn mutual respect. Who knows - some day a SM will be President of the USA!
The "Alt-Right"
is backlash against the other popular extreme, the Alt-Left which is certainly painted in today's mainstream media as "normal." Represented by orgs such as moveon.org which promises free stuff to those with the entitlement mindset...those who are ignorant of history having never been taught it and who are doomed to repeat it. Look beyond the labels and you'll find the alt-left are virulant anti-semites.
It is unfortunate that human society swings back and forth like a pendulum, never reaching moderation for long.
I hope you're not implying
I hope you're not implying that I'm ignorant of history. It's hard for me not to infer it. If so, you are mistaken.
Where were we talking about the 'alt-left'? Was one of their books suggested?
Does one side's anti-semitism justify another side's? I don't think so. The alt-left is not a self-labelled movement. There are hard-left people who are certainly anti-semitic. We are dealing with that in the UK currently, I would call them out, too and have.
Personally, I'm a pretty die hard moderate, a liberal in the classical sense, a pragmatist and a firm believer in pluralism. I work with politicians across the political spectrum so believe me, I get paid to 'look beyond the label' and I have been doing it successfully for over 20 years.
I pointed this out because this particular person is pretty vile and foments hate and it would be sad for people to put money in his pocket without at least being aware.
Extremists by any other name.
Extremists by any other name... are .... well ... extremists. Alt-L, Alt-R, Al Khaida, ISIS, The Taliban, Move-On, ACORN, AFP, ANTIFA, etc..... are all extremist elements of diverse religious or political philosophies that at their heart are not extremist in nature.
As for extremists, I detest them all. They are hell bent on destroying what is right (as in correct) with the world. As a pragmatist who is a conservative leaning internationalist I support limited gov't, fiscal conservatism, social and religious tolerance, self determination, free market capitalism, governance by law, and am focused nearly solely on the behavior of individuals.
Individuals should be able to do as they wish when they wish as long as their actions and behaviors comply with reasonable laws and do not interfere in anyone else doing the same. That includes being self supporting. With the exception of those either physically or developmentally incapable of being self supporting, anyone who isn't self supporting is interfering in the lives of those who are. To me that is wrong and should not be tolerated or even legal for that matter. Within the bounds of the law anyone who interferes in others living their lives as they wish should be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law and suffer the maximum consequence that can legally be applied.
All IMHO of course.