Girlfriends comments about ex
I'm not a jealous guy by nature but honestly Im tired of hearing about my girlfriend talk about her ex husband and father of her kids and its bringing out the worst in me. We will be watching tv and an ad about his company will come on and she will say "Anthony said this about working there....blah blah...blah.." or he and a group of people he works with were in a news article and she said "Did you see Anthony's picture in the article, isnt that cool?" I'm always here for her and all ears if she wants to talk about him and how he was crappy, verbally abusive, high, and selfish to her during her marriage or how is always late picking his kids up and doesn't see them enough like he should but she never talks about those thintgs even though those are 100 percent true. Im tired of hearing about the guy. She says I should be happy she's friends with him and not angry with him but I almost wish she was because she should be. What should I say when she does this?
Say you wish for her to not
Say you wish for her to not talk about her ex when she is with you. That’s all you need to say.
if she says you are jealous, say, regardless of the reason, you wish for her to not talk about her ex when she is with you.
if she says you are insecure, say, regardless of the reason, you wish for her to not talk about her ex when she is with you.
Then say, bottom line, you ask that she not talk about her ex when she is with you.
Tell her you don't want to
Tell her you don't want to hear about her ex anymore. If she says you're jealous then ask her how she would feel if you talked about your ex like that? Sometimes people lack self awareness completely. Also if she feels she must brag about her ex tell her to do so with one of her friends or someone else, not you. You simply don't want to hear about him. Also red flag. She might still have feelings towards him. Keep your eyes open with her and him.
Expectations
One thing I’ve learned from lurking in this site is that you cannot expect your significant other to read your mind. I suggest you point blank address it, maybe in a funny way. “Hun while I understand you and xyz have a history of it’s not about the kids or pertinent I rather not know” or you could make up lies and answer with “oh that’s hilarious you know xyz x of mine dad did that too crazy, it’s such a small world.” *
insert every single time ***
There are lots of ways to address the issue, I flat out told my husband early on before he was my husband that while I appreciate that she kept him off the market long enough for him to eventually find me i’m just not interested.
I flat out told my husband while we were trying to get pregnant that I understood that he loved his children but if I had to hear ANYTHING about bm during my first pregnancy that I would lose my shit on him.
She is trying to make you
She is trying to make you jealous. This chick is a drama mama, dude. Triple wrap that ess.
She’s either trying to make
She’s either trying to make you jealous, she still has feelings for him or she has zero self awareness. Either one is a red flag!
I'm just here waiting for
I'm just here waiting for hereiam's standard comment on newtostepguys posts.
Screw that. My recent ex
Screw that. My recent ex would talk about her ex all the time. Mostlly it was anger, but I was getting sick of it. On the other hand, if I mentioned my late wife, she would shut down and be cold to me for days.
I have to admit I was guilty
I have to admit I was guilty of doing this to my SO about my ex a lot when we first got together. I think in my case it was because I left my ex because I didn't really have a choice. He was spiraling out of control more and more quickly and it wasn't a safe environment for our son or me. I still very much loved and cared about him and felt completely guilty for having moved on. Honestly it's still hard a lot of the time even though my ex is still a total goof. I held onto any and every good memory I could and talked about them a lot because I didn't want to have strictly negative thoughts and feelings about him in my mind. DS did the same thing and it was really hard on my SO. He politely asked that I cut back on the constant commentary about him or saying, "I remember when..." I realized once he brought it up that it wasn't fair and had to make him completely uncomfortable so I apologized and try hard to not do it anymore. I slip up every once in a while, but it's rare and if I do say something he doesn't get upset, but he'll give my hand a little squeeze and it reminds me to be more mindful of what I'm saying and who I'm referencing.
I agree you should just ask her to stop brining him up when you're around, but she honestly might not be doing it to upset you or be a pain in the butt. It could very well be an automatic thing for her that she almost has become unaware she's even doing. Good luck to you!!
DH used to do this in the
DH used to do this in the beginning of our relationship and I finally started saying, "I really don't care about BM's______ or how she _______ or that she likes_________. Honestly, why share with me? I've never asked about the woman, I don't care about her past, her family, her anything."
It's great that her and the ex are on friendly terms and that's their reality but it doesn't have to be yours 24/7. When she starts in on something about him just stop her and remind her that you don't care to hear about it.
My ex fiance complained about
My ex fiance complained about his ex wife a lot and told me stories about her, their daughter in the beginning
until I lost it and told him not to talk to me about it at all- nothing- never.
I hated it- absolutely hated it