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I'm new. Here is what I'm dealing with.

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Mon, 08/20/2018 - 7:16pm

Hey everybody! I may forget a few, because there is so much, but here goes. Here are the things I'm dealing with....

Step-daughter... will be 7 next week, I have been in her life for over 3 years.

  • Extremely violent. 
  • At 3 years old, started "cutting"..as I call it. Cuts her hair as close to the scalp as possible. Cut a 75 lb. Pit Bull across the back part of her neck. When asked "why", responded, "I hate the goddamn dog and I wanted to cut her head off". Cuts her own hair at least once a month despite our best efforts, while she is with us, to eliminate her access to anything able to cut. She has used scissors, knives, pocket knives, the sharp edge of Scotch tape, fingernail clippers, straight razors, etc. 
  • She cusses us out frequently. Examples (apologies for the language of the entire post!): "I fucking hate you (father). I fucking hate her (me). I fucking hate her (my daughter). I fucking hate the cat. I fucking hate the dog." "If you take me to your house, I'll burn it to the fucking ground". "This is MY goddamn house". Etc. (I bought the house on my own before my husband and his daughter came into my life, but she insists this is her "goddamn house" all weekend, every weekend. 
  • Is extremely sexual. Example: "I can't wait to get me a boyfriend so we can lay in bed naked and kiss and lick each other all over and i can have a baby." 
  • Does very bad in school. Teachers say she is too involved in other student's business and very nosey. She also tattle tells non-stop. 
  • She harms herself and tells her mother/other people that she was hurt by something else. Example: She scratched her face up one night while her father was in the shower and I was washing dishes (big mistake). When he got out she told him she wasn't sure how it happened but we watched our nanny cam (for protection against her lies), and found out she dug her own fingernails into her flesh. Then, I was assisting her with her shower one night and she smiled really big at me and I said "what is that for?" She giggled, sat down on the shower floor and rubbed her butt so it became red, then made real tears come out of her eyes and  screamed at the top of her lungs "Daddy! DADDDYYYYYY!! This bitch made me fall! I fucking hate her! I'm going to kill her and her dogter (daughter)!!!". 

 

Now...I know most of you will suggest getting the child help. Trust me, that was the first step we took. We have very little control over her medical care. Her mother is a "Golden Uterus" mother. This child supposedly sees a psychiatrist and apparently the only problem she has is being ADHD. I honestly have said and done everything I know to do. This is very serious. I know my husband is completely lost, as I feel like he has tried to do everything he can. What do we do? 

Comments

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Mon, 08/20/2018 - 7:23pm

This is frightening. How often do you have her? Are there other children in the house?

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 5:44pm

Yes it is very disturbing. We have her every other weekend and my daughter, age 8, is in the household but now she sees her dad on the weekends we have SD. 

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Mon, 08/20/2018 - 7:44pm

Maybe I'm heartless...but that "child" would not be allowed in my home. Sorry, not sorry.

That is HORRIBLE for your daughter to be around. If he can't understand that, too bad, he can leave too. No man (or woman) is worth putting your child (and yourself) through all of that diabolical behavior.

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 5:48pm

No...you are far from harsh. You would not believe the things that have unfortunately came out of my mouth. For a while, my daughter and I left every other weekend but I would come back and something will have been said or done, like when the dog was nearly slaughtered. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Mon, 08/20/2018 - 9:11pm

NEVER be alone with this child. NEVER!!

You need to protect YOUR daughter. Period. Dot. If that means leaving the house with your child while SD is there, DO IT. 

If it means leaving your husband  DO IT.

Your primary concern is to protect your daughter. 

Your husband's primary concern is to get his daughter HELP. And that girl is seriously in need of help. A person does not have to be a parent to realize that.

If your husband will not help his mentally disturbed child, RUN.

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 5:54pm

Yes! I said from the beginning, there will always be a record of every move that is made around her. We never leave each other alone. I have repeatedly told him that our future is prison. We tried so hard to get her mother to help her because at first, we weren't allowed to have any access or to even take her to the doctor. So I called Children's Services on her and her mother and demanded that something be done. So of course, her mother got the good old classic ADHD diagnoses, got some controlled substances to indulge in, and sent back to my house. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 12:55am

And BM and BF are not addressing them.  This kid needs major help and drugs.  You are in the middle of this mess. Because BM and BF don’t want to help her.  You must take a stand.  And  Not allow this kid int your home.  Let DH deal with her someplace else .  There no reason for you and your kids to leave your home.  DH has to handle his mess.  He either see her outside your home.  Or he moves out with his daughter.  And will try to fihure out how he going to work and take of her.  

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 6:45am

Why are you helping her with shower? Don’t be alone with her. It’s dangerous 

Id insist that DH sees SD alone without you outside of home in public place with supervision. Another adult must be present at all times (not you). Until she gets a proper treatment I’d not allow her in my house. 

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 5:55pm

This was during the beginning, she was probably around 4 at the time and that was the last time that happened. 

Saint_Gus's picture

Submitted by Saint_Gus on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 8:48am

Protect your pets, they can't speak to defend themselves. And you and your daughter. I agree with others that ever being alone with her is a mistake. She needs serious, like commitment to a facility type serious help. Her parents not getting her this level of help is negligent in my opinion. Good luck....I'm so sorry, that is so horrible to have to deal with

 

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 8:52am

Since it’s your house purchased by you prior to meeting DH, I’d honestly tell him that if he insists on bringing SD there and isn’t getting her medical help, he can move out and take SD with him.  

beebeel's picture

Submitted by beebeel on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 8:54am

I couldn't even look at a man who allows his daughter to speak like that, let alone be affectionate with him. I would have zero respect for a man who did nithing as his 4 year old sexually acts out. 

He needs to hire a lawyer and document her behavior. He needs to fight for his kid in court and investigate who has been abusing her. If he doesn't do this, my guess would be that HE is the one abusing her.

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 9:00am

That thought popped into my head too. It’s rather strange that dad isn’t doing anything about it. Suspicious to me.

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 6:02pm

No not at all. Trust me, he has begged the police, the courts, child services, etc. to allow us some sort of access to her medically. Her mother has every single doctor paperwork set up to where she is the ONLY person who can bring her in for treatment or have any sort of access to anything medically. He took her to court and we had child services involved but all they did was require her mother to take her to a court ordered appointment where they diagnosed her as being ADHD. My husband is really at the very end of this to the point of wanting to sign his parental rights away. 

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 9:09am

Reactive Attachment Disorder.  She is being severely neglected, possibly also physically and/or sexually abused.  This story does not have a happy ending.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 9:13am

^^^ Very strong possibility. There is no cure. It is often called Russian Adopted Children's disorder. 

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 9:39am

It’s not appropriate name for the disorder. Rather uneducated. I’ve never met people who call it that. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 9:48am

It is very common in children that were adopted from Russia as well as other countries that have true orphanages. I know people that had to send a child back because of RAD. It is far more common than most people give it credit for in children adopted from other countries that don't form any attachments to the children in the orphanages. 

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 10:49am

I am very much aware of attachment disorder in adopted children. It’s not called Russian adopted children disorder though. Not a proper name. It’s called reactive attachment disorder 

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 6:02pm

I couldn't agree more. We will end up dead or in prison because of the lies. 

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 6:11pm

I want you all to know that my husband hasn't neglected this situation. This is his child and we have both done everything we know to do to help her and keep her in our life. We are both very discouraged and don't know where to go from here. The only "last ditch effort" that has been suggested to us is for him to sign over his parental rights. We are convinced that the child is a sociopath and her lies continue to get worse, as well as her violence. Her mother text today...SD has been suspended for the rest of the week for cussing out her teacher and kicking the garbage can across the room. These are behaviors she gets a slap on the wrist for because she is, what everyone outside of our home calls "sweet but hyper". 

IsraeliMama86's picture

Submitted by IsraeliMama86 on Tue, 08/21/2018 - 8:58pm

Yes I do think we are at that level at this point. Someone told me to hope that she's "only a child sociopath". But this child will grow up and we really are truly afraid of her and her lies. A lot of people tell me "she is a kid. She doesn't know any better", but I swear, y'all, to see it unfold is the scariest thing ever because of how aware she is of exactly what she is doing.