SS22's Mail
Just gauging to see if I'm no more crazy than usual...
My SS is 22yo. He's caused more drama in my marriage that I'd like to recap... but those of you who have been here awhile know the tale.
The good news is that after he went totally nutso in disrespect earlier this year I made clear to my husband he's not allowed in my home and that I don't want anything to do with him. My husband has respected these wishes though I do once-in-a-while hear about how awesome he is for breathing. Thankfully, kid has a job now (after spending almost 6 months doing nothing... b1tching about MY selfishness as the family breadwinner for attempting to secure for our retirement (my DH is 50 and I'm only a handful of years behind) instead of paying off his school loans instead). Wah wah wah...
I've ALMOST won the war though goodness knows the battle was a miserable dramatic mess.
Here's the rub... the little jerk has his own job, a new apartment, a new car (financed by himself, I hear, though I will believe it when I see it), and is finally (almost) out of my hair. Kid will not redirect his (snail) mail. I have asked his father REPEATEDLY that this happen. Softly at first when he was still in college... though I don't get it because I wanted to be separated from my parents as early as possible. And, slightly more sternly as of late. First, he doesn't live here (and never has lived here). Second, and I know this souds like whining, I don't want to see his overdue bills and collection notices come to my home.
After asking for going on two YEARS am I a total b!tch if I start putting these things back in the mail "please forward" or ultimately "return to sender"? When normally I'm excited going to the mailbox on the days that I'm home (I know... it doesn't take much to make me happy) I'm ticked that I have to effectively play administrative assistant to this little jerk because neither his father (who knows how much this irritates me) nor the child will redirect his mail.
It sounds petty... but even if it is... am I totally out of line
Thank you, ST'ers.
I would return to sender.
I would return to sender. Maybe even provide the correct address to the collectors (lol). Seriously tho, what is he hiding from by using your address.
To be honest... I think that
To be honest... I think that his mail is still coming here just so he can push my buttons. A couple years back when my DH decided it was okay to pay the kid's college tuition with MY paycheck (while he was unemployed) BEFORE he paid our mortgage with said paycheck, I totally lost it. I had BOTH DH and SS's mail directed towards my husband's brother's home (where he was staying briefly while we sorted things out) and was also close to where the SS was going to school.
I fully expeted my husband's mail to be redirected here (which is his HOME) but was surprised when the kid's things kept coming here. But, I figured it wasn't a battle worth fighting at that point. Also, at the time I was traveling for work quite often so it wasn't a daily kick-in-the-teeth.
I don't know the kid's momst recent address though I'm certain I could find it. I would email him but I blocked him months ago from every which way based on his abusive emails in the past.
Thinking "return to sender" is best...
Save it up for the whole year
Save it up for the whole year, then give it to him for Christmas. You don't have to spend money on him, and maybe something terrible will happen and force him to change his address.
Stamp it.
Stamp it.
https://www.amazon.com/ExcelMark-Return-Sender-Address-Inking/dp/B07D4P5...
You can also go to your post office and explain the little jerk has never lived there. Many post offices will return the mail without you ever seeing it.
I really like this! Thank you
I really like this! Thank you!
It's not petty at all!
My SD's mail came to our house for years and she never lived there. Then BM moved out of the country, put SD in charge of her affairs, so SD forwarded BM's mail to our house too.
I asked my husband FOR YEARS to get SD to redirect the mail. It didn't happen until I raised the issue in therapy and, of course, the therapist told him nicely that it's inappropriate for BM's mail to be coming to our house. Sometimes I just threw it away. Sometimes I marked it "return to sender."
I remember getting BM's mammogram results in the mail. I remember getting BM's legal documents in the mail.
I also figured it was SD marking her territory having all their mail sent to a house in which neither she nor BM ever lived.
In hindsight, though, my husband probably told SD it was OK to have BM's mail sent to our house. What a jackass. (We're decidedly on the outs right now over other SD issues.)
Eventually, we moved out of that house, so princess was forced to forward her mail and BM's mail to her own address. I had to fight tooth and nail for every inch of literal or abstract space I had in our house.
I think for collections mail especially, the only decent thing for you to do would be to provide SS's new address to the sender. I mean...you want to be sure he's getting ALL his mail, right? Hee, hee!
You can actually do a stop
You can actually do a stop mail request. Tell them this person no longer lives at that address so you’d like them to flag the mail and not deliver it to your house. We did that to BMs mail.
My Ss22stb23's mail is still
My Ss22stb23's mail is still coming here as well. We moved to this house right before he graduated from college and he never lived here either. He refuses (I think he may just me lazy about it) to change his address from ours to his. He has lived with his girlfriend since he graduated from college. They may be planning a move and he doesn't want to have to change it again. However, this could go on forever as long and they are renting apartments.
I just bought a little bin and put all of his mail in it. If it is something Dh feels important he tells Ss about it and sometimes texts a picture of it. Otherwise, the rest of it just sits in our office waiting for Ss to come get it or for us to see him sometime (which rarely happens). It can just sit there forever......