Small rant with a happy ending
Since my DH banned Osd25 from our home (he did renig but she still has not been back, she's "uncomfortable" now) over a year ago, he and Osd relationship has been pretty much non existent. He did have to put her in her place last April when we visited for my FIL's funeral.
In essence, OSD is back to punishing DH. He has tried to reach out but she practically ignores him. Anyway, we usually go on a trip every year with our 4 kids together before school starts. This year we planned a trip to Disney World and my mom, MIL, ysd, my brothers and nephew are coming as well. My DH called YSD to invite her (though she's pretending broke, that's a whole other story) and turns out she has left her bf and moved back home into my Mil's home as well (OSD lives there).
OSD was sitting next to YSD apparently when DH invited YSD. OSD then told my MIL that she wasn't going to visit her BM anymore when MIL comes here for our trip. OSD called our BS19 Saturday to "chat" and per BS, they got on the topic of the trip and he told OSD who was all coming. When she heard my baby brother (her age) was going she told BS she would love to go. Our BS told us Monday what OSD said. DH told our BS if she ask you again tell her to "call dad". DH even called my MIL and YSD to tell them as well. He went on with MIL about how she didn't even call/text him on Father's Day and how no parent should ever have to be disrespected like she does, etc. etc. Told her that we saved for this trip and was not about to have her try to come through the back door (using my MIL and BS to relay the message to us or invite her) and around US the 2 planners who she don't even respect or talk to ruin our trip. He also told MIL she is not to come to OSD's rescue and try to bring her (MIL is good for that).
I was shocked that the rose colored glasses have come off with my DH but at the same time OSD has been a pain in the ass and manipulative since she was 7, yes 7. We have had countless arguments over her bc "he was trying to protect her" when I would call her behavior to him or he would make excuses for her. Had I not disengaged from OSD 2 years ago and put my foot down with DH about being around her, I would still be her target, she would still be manipulating my DH and he would still be begging me to endure her presence and ignore the behavior like he does. I guess that's neither here nor there, I'm just happy she is not going. I doubt she will call him or me for that matter (He told MIL she needs to call him and myself first) she's to stubborn but I'm sure she is having a difficult time with these consequences from daddy.
I didn't really have a question. I just wanted to share the joys of disengagement with a rotten, nasty SD is finally paying off after 16 years of fumming at the fact that either DH or MIL gave in to this brat' s tactic.
I'm happy for you- your DH
I'm happy for you- your DH stood by you and stood up to this girl- unfortunately, although theX chose his 42 years old daughter over me I doubt she is making his life a picnic. She is probably taking and taking and he gets nothing back- hey ho! I tried to tell him. I must be one hell of a bitchy woman that he chose her over me... but I know who's now better off!
Fairy, I went on a trip with
Fairy, I went on a trip with my sister one weekend and came back a new women. My DH tried to manipulate me out of going on that trip (like I allowed him to do in the past, to keep the peace in my home, you know?). The day we left to come back home I decided that things were going to change between he and I. Disengaging from SD and going on the trip (this was a couple months after i told him I was done trying with my SD and 'I' did not want to be around her anymore regardless of how he felt) showed him that I was done playing his games and was willing to end the marriage If he didn't change. He even told me he would be gone when I got back from The trip and I told him BYE.
The moral of this is, my DH hasn't always stood by me when it came to my OSD. He did however, pull her to another room and talk to her sometimes when I would tell him about some of her behavior towards me or our home, when she was growing up. And other times he got defensive or turned it on me. He still never gave her consequences. He would always tell me to say something to her so I could be the bad guy. I had to remove myself from their relationship (i was his buffer and her scapegoat) and stand up to him and not back down before he took me serious and started making changes.
I don't think you were a bitchy women and I doubt he chose her over you. Sounds like your XDH just wanted to do things his way and what made him comfortable. Like my DH did for years and a man will only do what a women allow. They get complacent but they can be trained (I know that sounds bad). You did the right thing in your situation bc your X shut down when you didn't 'obey' him. He's probably finally seeing his DD for who she is, since you've left but what can he do/say, he raised her that way and can tolerate her more. It sounds like your XSD had issue's with you XDH loving another women other then her and instead of being angry with her dad she took it out on you and your X did not know how to handle his DD emotions so it was probably easier to let you take the heat. Either way, that's their mess to sort now.
Yes, it seems sometimes they
Yes, it seems sometimes they can be trained- but in the end I wanted a reciprocal, adult relationship and not be a ring-master in someone else's circus.
He certainly did chose his kids over me and has now gone to live right in the middle of where they all 'camp' out, all just a short distance from where BM still lives in the marital home he gave her when he left her for another woman (not me, I may add!)
A man will only do what a woman allows? I'm sorry to disagree with that one too, as it sounds as though women are in charge of these things when I had no control over what he did as a parent with his own offspring. Infact when we went to counselling he said that I was trying to control him and that I always had to be right?
I really don't think he will ever see XOSD for what she is, as they were enmeshed long before I came along and also it was easier for the both of them to demonise me.That's ok- I no longer have to justify myself to them at all.
It remains the sorriest situationI have ever been involved in but I am now free of that drama and every day I'm getting on with my own life.
Congratulations! Life
Congratulations! Life certainly does get better when one stands up for oneself and quits putting up with BS all the time.
yes, Yes and YES! I just wish
yes, Yes and YES! I just wish I would have done so along time ago. It feels good but there are times my heart just suddenly get full of resentment for my DH and I start getting snappy with him out of nowhere. I do catch myself most of the time and apologize. I swear this scorned women can be a dangerous (figuratively) one. Lol
Happy Ending
Not having the OSD on your awesome vacation sounds great to me. Good for you!
I certainly does sound great!
I certainly does sound great! Thanks!