Your relationship has run its course.   In fact, you shouldn't have entered into this relationship in the first place.  This is NOT the man for you.

You don't mention your age but I assume it is in your 20's.  Here's what I would do if I were you:  

1.  Move out of this house and get away from this situation.  Even if it means moving home or sharing with roommates.  Roommates your own age would be a lot easier to deal with than a father, toddler and a partner who is focused on his ex.

2.  Focus on your career.  Work hard, save money and enjoy the freedom of being single and childless.  Travel if you can and see whatever you can of the world. 

3.  Somewhere there is a person who is meant just for you, and is the perfect partner for you to have your own family without any drama of ex's or skids.

4.  Your partner AND his family have shown you that they don't value you other than as a free babysitter.  Your partner is still harboring feelings towards his ex, so he is not emotionally free for you.  He may never be.   

Get out now.  Do NOT even spend another minute thinking about having a child with this man!  Don't be so baby-crazy that you set yourself up (and your future children) for a lifetime of heartache.  Is that what you want???

NOT going ever love this child.  You are Not getting anything out of this relationship.  Why wast your life.  GET out 

It's time to move on and be glad that you realized it so early; before 10 years has passed and it's more difficult to leave.

Right now is the best it will be, it will get worse from here on out... Don't do that to your future kids.

This guy has nothing to offer you!

You're a catch for any guy: You're well educated, employed in a responsible, noble job. You're child-free and young. You are clearly ambitious.

Your BF, on the other hand, has been caught and still has the hook in his mouth! Any wonder you feel miserable!

BF is a father and he still lives with his dad? Plus, he has an intrusive family, the heavy baggage of a hellion stepchild, mounting bills without the income to address them, continuing legal problems after his first huge mistake, and then he has the nerve to yammer on and on to you about his problems with his ex???

Girl, you gotta get out there and find your equal! Start unraveling from BF now -- find your own place, hit the gym, quit smoking for YOURSELF, boost your wardrobe and go find your prince! You have plenty of time to look and make a good choice.

Do it now -- don't get pregnant to a guy who is still legally, financially and emotionally wrapped up in his past! (Not to mention...living with his dad!)

When you have a kid, you want that kid to be front and center to its father -- not a mere distraction for some guy who can't get his life in order (and still lives with his dad!) He has no money for a wedding -- how do you think he'll afford all you want to give your child? You'll always be struggling. Is that what you want for your future kid?

Stop worrying about having kids -- you're young. And more importantly, you haven't done the most important thing for your future kid to be happy and healthy, which is finding a suitable father who has his own place and his life in order.

I don't know who told you this guy is the best you can do for yourself, but they're full of it! If you really want that kid, don't settle for this. Go get the best father you can find and THEN make a kid. YOU deserve it.

Run, don't walk away from this relationship. He has almost zero to offer you. No signs of committment (honestly, thank God for that at this point, this sounds like a divorce waiting to happen), no money, you don't like his kid (this will not get better and you will forever be miserable...it will probably get even worse if you actually had a kid of your own), family talks crap about you, he doesn't take you to do anything, he doesn't discipline his kid, and it's too soon after his last relationship. And don't even get me started on talking about kidnapping his ex...um, what in the actual f*ck?! There are so many red flags that I'm not sure why you would even consider having a kid with this man, much less "date" him (I use the term date loosely, since he doesn't actually take you on dates). Please stop trying to have a child with this man and get on the pill, or better yet, just stop having sex with him altogether!

You are only 25, you have so much time ahead of you to find the right person, who actually wants a relationship and life with you, who will value you and show you that relationships should be fun and adventurous. This man is not the one for you. Be thankful if you leave that you didn't end up marrying him and having a child with him.

Are you trying to " save " him? Like a sort of reverse " captain sav-a-ho"?

What does he give you that you cannot give yourself? 

He clearly does NOT want a family and is stringing you along/using you.

You are young, moneyed and successful. There are literally thousands of eligible men in your area( just do a hypothetical statistic). You could bump into one right after you walk out of this guys life.

My dear i advise you to run as fast as you can and not look back. Im married to a divorced man with a spoilt 10 year old and the dad is ever making excuses for him. i had no idea what i was signing up for until it starred at me in the face and i was like if i knew then what i know now. marrying this guy will be signing up for a life of endless challenges, divided loyalties, limits boundaries and limited privacy. depression, resentment, anger, regrets and frustration will be your cup of tea daily. be patient,

find a man without a child, whom you can both be equally excited with about your pregnancy because it will be both your first time expecting a baby, not someone who has already gone thru it with another woman. You cannot complain about a step child to your husband that will make you out to be hateful, but if its your own bio child its no problem and you can discipline him as you see fit whereas with a step child, discipline him and he will hate you and say you are abusive. enjoy a quiet intimate moment alone with your husband and have sex anywhere in the house, spice up your sex life, walk around naked if you want, go through the honey moon phase, have that full privacy and undivided attention.

you cannot have any of that married to a man with  a child. you have to be limited to having sex only in th bedroom and have the child competing for you DH attention. honey moon phase is important, it helps you create  a bond and memories that will stand the test of time, it will help you get to love and know each other more. Marry a man with a child, there will be no honey moon phase you go straight to facing challenges and complications that may bring out the worst in you. You may say you love your boyfriend but it wont be worth it, you will get over it.

dont settle for a life of challenges, and being deprived of being put first and having to deal with step kids tantrums and misbehaviour meant to sabotage your marriage. Wait for that guy you will give his first child and who will give you your first child, together you will share a first child, a symbol and a fruit of your union. want better for yourself to be first. dealing with the baby mama is another stress and the step child wont be loyal to you, you dont need that.

you dont need a man who is tied to another woman for life thru their children,you dont need to be burdened with another woman's responsibility by raisin her kids. you are still young so wait and want better for yourself. if you want the best for your future kids like you say then dont let them be born in a house with half siblings who may be jealous of them or unaccepting of them and their father may even show favouritism to his first child with another woman.

Anyone who says love a step child like he is your own is unrealistic.  How can you love someone you did not choose to have in your life? you choose your boyfriend and you choose your friends but a step child is forced into your life, in life they are people you just dont like because you have nothing in common or you just dont like how they are or who they are. So you cant be expected to love someone, love is not a decision it cannot be forced it is a feeling that comes on its own. you can only treat a step child with kindness and care that's enough. as for your bio child, you choose to have him, you carry him nine months, bond with him while he is in the womb, you nurse him and raise him your own way and he will forever be a part of you and he is your responsibility whether you like it or not, he will love you unconditionally and be loyal to you because you are the only mother he will ever know, you will remain his mother whether you stay with his dad or leave. So how can anyone expect you to love a step child like your own seriously? that's so unrealistic! 

Just leave.  When your BF is at work, take a day off yourself and just pack your things and leave. Even if it's just the most valuable/portable items.  Take them and go to your father's house.

Your father will be glad to have you.  I am sure your father can see right through this a**hole and has probably been wondering how long it was going to take you to wake up and dump him.   

Being an adult means doing what you need to do.  And if that means temporarily living with your dad (who has already offered to help you out with financials for eventually getting your own place) then DO IT!   The adult way to do it is tell your dad you are in a bind, you need to stay with him for awhile while you save up money and get your own place.  Come up with a plan for how long you expect it to be, and also make it clear that you intend to support his household - you will pay XX per month to help with expenses, you will clean your own space, you will help with household duties, etc.  

Now just get out of that idiot BF's house and dump him.  And go find the wonderful life that is waiting for you.

The other good news is you don't need to waste any more time on this site.  You won't be dealing with stepdemon issues anymore.  

I have soooooo much in common with your situation. I know you know that on the outside it seems obvious, but I get why it's hard to leave. 

For me, my bf has an apartment, he's completely terrified at the thought of having another child any time soon, and I do really love his son. Other than that, the bf is very focused all on his ex, spending a fortune on the legal battle, won't take me out ever until he has his son so all we do is "ride the train" or "go see the dinosaurs." When I first met him, the lack of rules was the same too. Fortunately, when I plainly pointed out that the rules he has is not in his son's best interest, he started going with what I asked him to do, which was: have a scheduled routine that they follow EVERY evening  he has him including dinner (with veggies), bath time, then bed by 8. He's good about following it, unless I'm not there that evening (I have my own apartment still.)

Here's the reality: Your boyfriend's son will always be a huge part of your life. I'm not sure if this has happened, but you should have a talk with your man and say you are going to be more involved in setting boundaries and rules because it's your house too. Let him know that in order for you to feel comfortable, there needs to be a routine schedule every day, with him in bed by 7:30. That you need x amount of quiet time to study, and that he needs to support you by making sure you aren't disturbed. As far as your relationship with the boy, the fact is he will always be in the picture. ALWAYS like forever. It sounds like you're hoping having a child will take the focus off his son and redirect all to your new child. This is unrealistic and not fair to the little boy; it isn't his fault if he's illbehaved because his dad (and possibly mother) is doing a terrible job parenting. I would say it's okay to be more of a teacher and start consistantly putting your foot down when it comes to you. If he enters the room you're working in screaming, get up and say "I need quiet time," walk him out of the room, and inform your bf he needs to wrangle him so you can have your space. This will also set an example to your bf so he sees how to be a better dad. This is exacatly what I did, and the relationship I made with my bf's son is really strong. He asks for me a lot when I'm not around, and I'm the only one in his life who says no LOL. I'm convinced it's because he feels safe around me because he can predict how to be successful (this is a result of consistant parenting with firm boundaries but also lots and lots of praise for doing the right thing). I don't know his mom, but since she's the ex of course I dont' like her. The kid looks a lot like his mom too. But he and I have our own special relationship and I've grown to care about him to the point where I genuinely respect his mom for at least creating him.

If you decide to stay with him, this is my advice to you:

1. Whatever you decide on whether you continue the relationship, STOP trying to have a child with him. He is not in a place, emotionally, financially, logistically, to give you the experience you and your future child deserve. You are also not in a place to have a child with this man either. You're debating whether to be in it after all. If you're a planner, make sure you plan your child to comes in to a home and family who's ready for them.

2. Have that talk with him about rules, boundaries, and your level of involvement in terms of parenting. 

3. Tell your bf the emotional toll his divorce is having on you and let him know he needs to see a counselor immediately. Yes, a divorce is rough, which is why it's unfair to unload on you all of the issues of wrapping things up with his ex. 

4. Let him know being taken out on dates is important to you, so he needs to find a way to budget that in somehow. It doesn't have to be elaborate. If he complains about the cost, remind him that he made the intentional decision to start a new relationship, and therefore he needs to tend it this new relationship's needs. 

5. The jealousy thing is a sign of emotional abuse. This is something else he will need to address in counseling.

I'm with the majority though, I think the best thing for you is to leave. Tell him if he addresses everything above, you can reconnect over coffee in about 3 years. Good luck!

So many SParents marry and have children with a prior breeder partner who is a terrible parent thinking it will be different when we breed with them.  Few who make this call have a good or even pleasant outcome.

The sad part is that it is the new children that suffer the most because of that decision. They have one parent who is a quality parent and another who is a abject failure of a parent. They also see that the failed parent treats the older half sibs differently than they are treated and sadly it is the quality parent who is made out to be the bad guy.

If you do not like how your SO parents... don't have children of your own with him.  If you want children of your own... find a partner who is either a proven quality parent who is on the same page with you regarding parenting or someone who will be a first time parent with you and the two of you can navigate the parenting adventure together from the same starting point.  Of course have the parenting conversation with any new partner whether they have prior relationship children or not.

I am convinced that one of the key success factors that my bride and I have had in our approaching 24 year marriage is that we were at least in the same book when it came to parenting our son (my former SS-25 now adopted).  We made our marriage the sole top priority and we made raising SS the top marital responsibility.  I think in blended family marriages that this is nearly a universal key success factor.  Those that have it succeed... those that don't... not so much.

It has worked well for us... so far.

Early in our relationship my wife once lamented not having had our son with me rather than with the SpermIdiot.  I told her that though I would have loved that ... I would not have her or him any other way since her experience is part of what makes her the amazing woman I love.  The same applies to me regarding my first marriage.  While that experienced sucked beyond all recognition it is something that has influenced me to be the man and husband that I am.  Besides, if I had been my son's biodad I would be  in prison (the statutory rapist SpermIdiot should be in prison) since she was only 16 when SS was born.  Alignment and working together within that framework has been critical for us.

My partner expects nothing of me in regards to her child and neither does her family.

My wife also does not want more children after saying she did, so if she today woke up and said "lets do this" I would remember every action she had to do and be super supportive. It is crazy that you're a partner doesn't see how dismissive and rejecting his behavior is. And really he should be worshiping you and taking real care with his words and actions, since you came into his life at a point when he is putting out a lot of fires.