MOTHER EFFING ASSHAT - warning, this is long...
Oh my DOG! I can't even believe that I am about to tell you ladies about his latest fuckery, but here goes.
As you all know, Thing2 is in Kyoto in graduate school. When he went, the deal was his dad would pay for his tuition (5K a year), I would pay his rent ($400 a month) and he would get a part time job to cover his living expenses. What he did not fully understand was the amount of time he would be spending in the research lab and so between his classes and his research, he is in for about 60 hours a week. Not much time for that part time job.
He was able to secure some funding from the NIH which gave him about $400 a month - just enough to cover his food/utilities/transportation. Thanks to Trump, his funding was pulled last month because science.
Thing2 called me a few nights ago, exasperated because Asshat had NOT paid one dime of his tuition for this school year. Keep in mind, Asshat makes literally 6 MILLION dollars a year, and just pocketed over 500K from the sale of his house in my town. Thing2 told me that Asshat told him that he would pay one third, that Thing2 would be responsible for one third (how?) and I would be responsible for one third. WHAT????
I told Thing2 that I would start thinking of some possible options, but that I simply could not understand why a dude who makes bank like his dad does wouldn't just do the thing that he said he would do. I went on to ask Thing2 what explanation Asshat gave for reneging on the deal. Thing2 said he didn't really give a reason, other than he had "changed his mind."
I have some money that I can send, but with KarateKid about to head off to school, we will have two in college again, and really want to save my money for the rainy day that always comes...but, more importantly, WHY CAN'T MOTHEREFFINGASSHAT just do what he agreed to do?
This morning, my mom called me to tell me that she and my niece will be going to Chicago next month and she was making plans with Thing1 when Thing1 told her - wait for it - MOTHEREFFINGASSHAT called both Thing2 and DD27 and told them that he would kick in 6K for Thing2 IF THEY EACH KICKED IN 3K! WHAT?????
According to my mom, DD27 told him no thanks, she has a baby, a mortgage and student loans and to eff off and Thing1 told him he would do it, but only if Asshat guaranteed his money (guess that pricey BSchool degree paid off) and of course, there is no way a dude who won't pony up what HE agreed to pony up is going to guarantee Thing1's money.
I texted Thing2 and asked him if he was aware of this, but it's night time in Kyoto and he is probably sleeping. I texted Thing1 and asked him if this was true and he said it was. Thing1 says he's down, but only if Asshat will guarantee the investment. While I find it admirable that he wants to help his brother, I asked him if he really thought that Asshat needed to ask his children to aid him in coming up with 10K. 10K is pocket change to Asshat.
I am having dinner with DD27 and grandbaby tonight, so I will wait to discuss this with her.
CHEAPASSMOTHEREFFER, PARTY OF ONE, YOUR TABLE IS READY!!
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My experience with people
My experience with people whom are affluent are the cheapest people. But being cheap with your own children when you have money is a whole different thing. Shame on him!
I would say "how
I would say "how disappoinging" for his kids but I have a good feeling this isn't the first or last promise he has broken in their lives. I wonder what caused Dad's change of heart and is there a student loan or something he can do for now until either his dad comes around or he can naviagate a part time job to help with costs?
It's not their first and it
It's not their first and it certainly won't be the last. He has pulled this kind of crap before. I don't know what changed his mind, and neither does Thing2...and I don't really care. He can more than afford it, he promised to do it, and my son moved half way around the world relying on that promise.
Financial aid isn't an option - there is no system in Japan like we have here. As a foreign student, he is limited as to grants and scholarships, though he is applying for some. He won't qualify for a personal loan (no income) and is already saddled with some student loan debt from his undergraduate degree.
What.A.F*ckhead. I'd like to
What.A.F*ckhead. I'd like to beat Asshat upside the head with my 15 pound dutch oven. What a miserable, miserly POS. And, IMHO, it's like he's trying to scam his kids out of money. Cheap facking bastard. I'm seeing red. Grrrrrrrr...
Is this Asshat's ploy to tick off his children to the point of no return? If they reject him, he can cut them out of his will and take all his damn money with him. F*cking f*cker. Deep, dark red.
WOB, I don't think CHEAPASSMOTHEREFFERS will pay for a table. Likely, it's only a single-ply paper towel on his lap. Ass.
I wonder
Does Asshat have financial problems that you know nothing about? Or is he just an awful person who renages on promises to his kids?
Regardless what an awful situation for your son. Here he is working his butt off, getting an education and doing so in the belief that he has financial help from his dad.
Asshat is a partner in a
Asshat is a managing partner in a major consulting firm. He. Is. Loaded...
He isn't experiencing any money trouble - he's just a dick who reneges on his promises to his kids when I don't dance to his demands. Now, he would never pick up the phone and say "hey, let's figure something out together, here's what I will do", nope. Instead, he will tell the kids "well, if only your mom would do xyz then I would help."
I dealt with this for 15 years while they were minors. I thought when the Things finished their undergraduate degrees that the days of using me as bait (which never worked, by the way) were over. Guess I was wrong.
My guess is that as an ex
My guess is that as an ex-husband he felt like if you were willing to put some skin in the game then he would know that your request was important enough to all involved. As an ex wife myself, I wouldn't have asked my ex to pay for something that I wasn't willing to share some expenses in, it's not bait its taking a temperature on the importance of the request. His wealth wouldn't determine my kids "needs" or my own "anger level". If you share your thoughts about your ex with your children by pointing out that he breaks promises, etc. then they are most likely viewing him with contempt and only as a wallet which would cause them to treat him poorly which in turn causes him to continue to break promises. If you alway support your ex's right to decide what he will pay for, you children would be happier in the end. (honey I think its disappointing that you won't get $$ so lets put our heads together to figure this out). A dad watching a son who has humility, who works his a$$ off, who is considerate and goal-driven would not do this. Somthing about this story seems off. Did dad want him to work for a few years? Did dad have expectations that weren't met? My own personal opinion is that there are very few professions that should even ALLOW a graduate degree until/unless one has worked in their field of study for a year or two.. and Graduate Degrees shouldn't be paid for by parents but that's me.
I do have skin in the game,
I do have skin in the game, read above. I am paying Thing2's rent, which is the exact same amount as the tuition.
I didn't ask Asshat to pay for anything. I haven't spoken to him in at least 8 years.....He TOLD Thing2 he would help out. No, dad did not want him to work for a few years. No, dad did not have expectations that were not met. Perhaps you should go re-read the OP
You must be new here.
Wow, he really is an ASSHAT.
Wow, he really is an ASSHAT.
Can you go to court
and enforce any agreement you may have in writing?
My ex husband number one has NEVER contributed one-f'n-DIME to DD 36. . .EVER. NO CS when she was a little one. . . nothing, no wedding expense, etc. etc.
Today he sits in an apartment in Albany looking like Jabba the Hut with some copy editor job for the NYS Legislature. His only friend being his cat. Hopefully some sort of Karma will come to Asshat in the near future.
Nope - kids are all adults,
Nope - kids are all adults, and Thing2 is in Japan
It is what it is. As usual, I will figure something out...
I agree w/Wookie. Your ex
I agree w/Wookie. Your ex has been more then generous with massive support w/the kids growing up. Maybe he is having financial issues, maybe he rather save for his retirement at this point-he has more then supported his kids in childhood and through school by your own telling-including incredible amounts of CS that most can't even dream of. Maybe this is why he's now expecting you to do more of your part given his age. JMO-you can get mad but IMO it's a little misplaced given the amount he's paid in their lives.
The reason I got massive
The reason I got massive support is because he made massive amounts of money.
He isn't having financial difficulties - not even anything close. He had 4 million in his retirement accounts that last time I saw them and that was in 2009, things have only gotten better for him since then.
His age? He is a year older than I am...LOL
I guess I just assume people keep their promises. He shouldn't have told Thing2 he would pay the tuition if he didn't want to pay the tuition.
What does the amount of CS have to do with anything?
Asshat didn’t have to agree to pay squat but he did.
not gonna be popular but...
Is it at all possible that these kids treat their dad the way my stepdaughter treats her dad? Maybe your son doesn't want to tell you the real reasons his dad gave him for breaking promises.... "Hey kid, send me a text once in a while when you don't need money or remember me on Father's Day, or get a job in spite of how hard it is in school.". Just because someone is "loaded" doesn't mean they lose the right to not help ungrateful, entitled, spiteful kids. (not saying this is your son, but maybe there is another side to your story?). Divorced dads in SO MANY CASES are expected to be a wallet but get no vote on life choices, manners, treatment, etc. just sayin...His wealth is not really your business nor does it belong to his kids.
No, they are pretty close to
No, they are pretty close to him. All three keep in regular contact, Thing1 was just there for a long weekend, and DD27 and her husband and child spent a week there last month. Obviously, Thing2 has the distance working against him, but he keeps in regular text contact with his dad.
I don't care about his wealth, but I do care when he breaks promises to the kids.
If this was a one off, it would perhaps be more understandable, but sadly, this isn't the first time he's told one of them he would do something and then not do it.
Back in 2009, Thing1 wanted to go to the Domincan Republic with his friends for Spring Break. He had recently been to Canada with his dad, so Asshat had Thing1's passport. When it came time for the trip, Asshat told Thing1 that he wouldn't give him his passport unless he could convince me to renegotiate the child support (which had just been renegotiated three months before). Needless to say, Thing1 didn't go to the DR. This is the kind of thing that I dealt with for 15 years..."sure, kiddo, I will do xyz but only if mom agrees to do this stupid thing that I want her to do and she has already told me she won't do."
If my kids treated him like a wallet, they would never hear the end of it from me. They were raised better than that. And, in this case, Asshat offered to pay for the tuition, so it's not like Thing2 was expecting something completely unreasonable.
Except they aren't kids, they
Except they aren't kids, they are ADULTS. And he has every right to change his mind and his 'promises'. Sorry I'm not inclined to feel that bad for rich kids that have had a silver platter and their whole education paid for-and then complainin bm's with mass support bitching on the adults behalf.
You seem really bitter.
You seem really bitter.
My brother has that kind of
My brother has that kind of wealth. He literally has homes (more like estates) in 4 countries across the world. Multiple homes in the US - on the ocean.
When my dad was alive my brother cancelled Dad's AOL account because it cost $8 a month. And when my dad went into a retirement home I had to pay 100% of the expenses as my dad's only income was $700 a month. My brother said "He didn't do anything to help me." We were dirt poor growing up - my dad was a foster child who was on his own at 15 with no education. The man did the best he could. He was not a drunk or anything like that. My brother is just an ass.
Yep - Asshat has a house in
Yep - Asshat has a house in Colorado, a house in Boston, and a house in the DR. HIs siblings are school teachers, and when their parents died, he wouldn't contribute to the funeral expenses UNLESS something that was left to his sister was given to him.
When the kids were very young, one of them needed a compass for some homework when they were at his house. He had Thing1 call me and ask me to bring one over or go buy one and bring it over. Asshat refused to take them to the store to buy a stupid little compass - it was more important to him to try to make me out to be the bad guy.
Asshat is a financial bully...
As an interior designer, I
As an interior designer, I work with a lot of wealthy people. The most expensive I ever worked on was $15 million. And I will tell you what, I would rather work with the middle-class person any day. The richer they are, the cheaper they are AND the more they want.
My 2 cents...
My 2 cents...
Asshat made a promise/commitment to pay the tuition. Now he's reneging.
I don't care how old the kids are and it wouldn't matter if they were in their 60s. It doesn't matter how financially sound ANYONE is.
The bottom line is that Asshat is going back on what he said he would do. Period. Dot.
Yup - that's really all this
Yup - that's really all this is about.
He said he would do something, Thing2 relied on that promise, moved across the world based on that promise and now Asshat is reneging.
Boy, Asshat really is an
Boy, Asshat really is an asshat. I don't care how much he paid for the kids' college educations, or how much he's done for them over the years. When you make a promise to your kid and your kid RELIES on that promise, you need to follow through on it. He's just a jerk and a bully, IMO.
This.
That’s the perfect word for
That’s the perfect word for it. He is being a bully to his son.
Yup Asshat is fitting.
Yup Asshat is fitting.
Don't get what the deal is people bringing up age of kids and what not. Jackhole told the kid (adult for those being tech). Now he's backing out.
Sorry for your kid. Hard lesson to learn that dad is unreliable asshat. smdh
Can't stand people who try to
Can't stand people who try to control others with money and those who promise help anddon't deliver. There's nothing worse than having someone offer you help when you really need it, all the hope and excitement involved, and then they don't come through. In my speculative imagination, it's either a punishment for some imagined transgression, or the stepmom has convinced him to cop out. Really, what better outcome for her than if his relationship with his children falls apart? In the end, they'll stop speaking to him, and he'll decide they don't deserve an inheritance...jk, of course, I don't know anything about them, but my imagination runs wild *biggrin*...anyway, he's learning a very difficult life lesson and I'm sure you will all find a way to make it work. I agree with the poster above who said the wealthy are most often the cheapest, I would add, most selfish. Very unusual to see it happening with one's own kids. I know many wealthy people who will not give a friend a penny, but they spare no expense when it comes to their kids.
I have to wonder how OP would
I have to wonder how OP would feel if her husband was expected to pay all of graduate school for the kids she can't stand-even receiving (delayed) CS.....or is it different because.....abc....xyz? I don't see much wrong he has done given the huge financial support he has given to raise his kids-what he makes is not the kids or OP business.....she and them are not entitlted to that what he's worked for hard and has paid way and above MORE than his fair share to what it takes to raise kids to adulthood.
Sounds like promises aren’t
Sounds like promises aren’t important to you. Even if promises are made to your children.
If my husband decides to pay
If my husband decides to pay for grad school, he is more than welcome to do that. IF he said he would pay for it, and then went back on his word, he would be in for a world of hurt from me. I can't stand ASS, but if my husband pulled this stunt on him, I would be all in for arguing for ASS.
Why are you so bitter and jealous? Who screwed you over?
The issue is he made a
The issue is he made a promise and then reneged and has a history of doing so. I don't get why you would do something like that.
It is interesting to me how much control plays into things.
with Asshat, it is/was always
with Asshat, it is/was always about control. I learned long ago to tune him and not give in to his stupid demands. Control freaks are losers
Sometimes I don't understand
Sometimes I don't understand some comments. Why are some of you so bitter?? You shared your stories of parents don't have to pay/parents couldn't afford it/parents this/parents that. Okay, that's fine. Probably right. Some of your personal experiences are what they are and you figured it out.
However WOB has established that:
1. Dad promised and agreed he would pay x amount to help out his son. I can GUARANTEE that if was a skid or crazy BM that made a promise to pay back/pay/finance something and then they just changed their mind without warning. No call, text, no form of explanation or reasoning.......everyone on this board would be losing their flipping minds and bashing.
2. Dad. Is. NOT. Financially. Struggling. While your own personal experiences are great and valuable - they don't apply in this situation. They just don't. Not everyone struggles.
3. Broken promise. When you rely on someone who promised something and then they back out...it's a big deal. Of course it is. With anything. The more you relied on that promise, the harder it is to switch game plans and recover. You make a promise to someone, you damn well keep it. And IF you change your mind - at least have the most basic of common courtesy and decency to AT THE MINIMUM explain your situation with a phone call (in this case) or face to face if local.
Like I say, I don't get the hostility sometimes. OP's son is a smart, hard-working, college attending, all around good kid who relied on his dad's promise. There is no crime in that....but it sure is crappy to let your kid down and not even have the bawlz to explain. I mean, if WOB decided to suddenly not pay his rent as well and never say anything - how would y'all be reacting to that? Because it would be just as sh*tty. The poor kid isn't a bum or drug dealer or womanizer or any other bad scenario. He's just trying to go to school!
GAHHHH! Walkonby I'm pissed
GAHHHH! Walkonby I'm pissed off for you!!! Nothing makes me angrier than a liar and someone who goes back on promises!
I hope he wisens up and stops being stupid about this and pays the tuition! For someone who makes so much he really is a cheap ba****d isnt' he???
HUGS!!!
(Also those of you being stupid. She had a promise broken to her. THE EXACT SAME THING YOU HATE HAPPENING TO YOU. Learn some empathy and compassion. It's ridiculous as heck that she's having to deal with it. Just because most of us are SM doesn't mean that all BD are good either.)
Thanks, PA, yeah, I HATE
Thanks, PA, yeah, I HATE liars more than anything else in the world.
But, the promise was not made to me, it was made to Thing2. The promise I made to Thing2 is being kept.
This isn't about me at all, it's about Asshat and Thing2.
Lying, being two-faced,
Lying, being two-faced, definitley the number one way to end up on my s*** list...
I knew that lol, oops! I was typing frustrated... I paid for my own college too, but it wasn't ever expected for my parents to pay. I think if a promise has been made, and if they're working, then that's definitley not something you go back on. If he's not planning to pay for it, then why make a promise?
Tell Thing2 I'm sorry
thanks, PA. I will be face
thanks, PA. I will be face-timing him tonight.
Fortunately, I will be in Japan in about two months. I have really missed this kidult!