Skid using you for their need...

Do whatever you are comfortable with doing. 

If you attend and want to select a gift of your choice at a price you feel is sufficient, that's fine. 

Yes, Mommy's to-be register baby shower 'want list'. It doesn't surprise me that one was created, even if this child is baby #2.  Who knows why. Perhaps first baby was a girl and this one shows to be a boy with the Mom wanting lots of 'boy' colors or a jungle theme nursery vs a pink unicorn theme from first baby. Doesn't matter.

As a guest you are 100% completely free to select whatever you desire to gift the child. You're also under no obligation to go (six hours is a long way for a shower) nor to send a gift. If it's RSVP and you feel it's something you won't be attending, just politely send your regrets. If it is not, and you do make it over, purchase a practical gift of your choice. 

Second baby showers (meaning for baby #2 ) are pretty much gift grabs. The mother usually already has all pretty acceptable baby equipment and might only 'need' useful tokens such as boxes of diapers, fresh onesies, a new musical animal, a basket of assorted pacifier clip, pacifiers, bootie socks, baby bath cloths et. 

Whatever you decide will be fine. 

Ignore the whore - SM mantra - and her requests. 

When Ss33’s GF had her baby - 2 months early so early December not late January - I went to K mart and bought some half price stuff that said baby’s first Christmas stocking, ornaments etc.    She was pissed that DH and I did not spend hundreds of dollars like her mother did.  Really more like thousands as her mother bought them a house, a car, and all of the baby furniture.  Too bad so sad  

Go buy something cute for the baby for $25.  Just don’t buy any newborn or 6 month sized clothes as everyone gets more of that than ever gets worn.  Plus some babies are big. I usually won’t buy anything less than 24 months. 

Oh, Joy!  You just get things worked out in your head with the adult SKs (attending only events you feel comfortable with, for instance), and then a couple of years later they are birthing babies, GSKs, and now you have to gear yourself up for round two!

I love babies!  Who doesn’t, but the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and I sure as H- don’t want to get ganged up-on again at another “family” event.  Of course, I’m happy for all, but I’m not so naïve as to think things will be different now in how I’m perceived.  

Later this year, I’m going to be triply hit.  Around Jan. of this year, DH and I got news that his SIL and daughter was pregnant (w/ a girl), and just about a month ago, we got news that his son and DIL is pregnant with twins!  Great news, but I already feel my C-PTSD kicking in.  If I attend any “family” event and so much as look at any of the babies cross-eyed, am I going to be in for another family ass-whupping? I’m still healing after the last one!  My DH got out of that one by claiming ignorance, but next time, if I allow it, he won’t be able to make that one-time claim again.

Anyway, as much as I love babies, and would love to hug and kiss and hold them, I also felt close to that way one time with my step-children too, and look where that got me!?  Will I not be permitted in any pictures with the SGKs just as I was not permitted in any at a prior SK event?  Who knows?  And, I really, really, really don’t want to know.  I really don’t want to know what my DH is going to do this time around when I get an all-out and totally unexpected family assault for some perceived threat.  Will he just sit there and do nothing?  Or, will he, like most cowards, exhibit mob mentality, and join in with everyone going after Evil SM just because, without giving any thought at all to the reality of the situation.

I mean, there I’ll be, pretty much alone, and everyone else will seemingly be lying in wait for me to slip up.  I mean, if I get up to be in a couple of pictures with DH and I and the kids/ babies or similar, am I going to have mamma bear and papa bear and big-ol’ bio-GM bear and, yes, maybe even bio-GP bear (my DH), all going for my jugular?

I guess I’ve come to the conclusion like others have recommended that you have to do what works for you, and just like for whatever reason your name has been soured with DH’s children, this time around bio-GM and BM and bio-dad are all going to be souring your name with the GSKs sooner than later.  So what decisions you made re: SKs should also go for SGKs.  For me, that means only attending events I want to attend, and that pretty much means if it is just DH, me, and one SK w/their spouse (and now GSKs).  No multiple SKs and no BM.  AND, no high-risk family functions, so if I get a shower invite or birthday or whatever, they are just getting a nice note and a card from me, or DH can attend alone, if he wants.  That’s pretty much it.

I live in the UK, and the concept of "baby showers" has not yet caught on here in a big way - although thanks to the USA (not) we have now got the joys of "Black Friday" in Dec, when the roads are all clogged. 

I would say, as do the other posters, do what you feel comfortable with.  I would not make gift suggestions to another person, for gifts to give me, unless I was pretty sure they were receptive to the idea, I just think it's rude.  The one exception to this might be a wedding present list. 

Again, as another poster said, you have usually got all the stuff for a baby if you've had one already.  

If you can't get to this baby shower, I wouldn't get a gift at all, I'd just give something when the baby is born. 

Yes, it is totally a gift-grab being that it is for the 2nd gskid.  I don't know many people who have showers for 2nd kids whatsoever. SD sending a link to purchase an expensive gift is very inappropriate and selfish. I hope you do not get it for her.

I would just send a congrats on your pregnancy card and not give a gift for a 2nd baby, unless you are very close with her, which does not sound like you are. Heck, you never saw the first baby yet. I would not get any gift, period.

My adult skids had mostly very expensive baby gifts on their baby shower registries. It was absurd. Oh sure, we want to buy them $1,200 baby furniture, $900.00 couch for mommy to use in the nursery. I don't believe I sent anything to any of them, except once-only a gift card to the first shower, (never got a thank you card), and never attended one of their showers and wasn't invited to two of them. 

is one thing. Sending you a link to somthing she wants is quite another. If you haven't met the first child yet, it doesn't sound like you are very close. You are under no obligation to send a gift, let alone a $100 one. If you don't go to the shower, send a card and be done with it.

This is very inappropriate. Also an improper way to ask for a gift. I would send a card with best wishes.

MY SD text me today, and sent a link to a 100.00 Amazon page, to purchase a baby monitor, that the step grand, wants for her  2nd baby shower gift.

Wow, just really rude, entitled, and presumptuous. And a waste of time because I would ignore.

Reply “sweet! I’ll take a look” then mail her a card and a small gift. Don’t purchase that item on principle  alone!

My wife has struggled on gift giving with her family.  My position is that a person gifts what they want the other person to have and not necessarily what the recipient says they want.

The first event where the ungrateful red necks crushed my bride was when DW bought a very nice coffee maker (Krupp), nice commissioned coffee cups and a selection of gourmet coffee for  her mom.  This was when my SIL was in  her teens and still living with my ILs.  MIL and SIL would  have coffee together each morning and my wife thought the gift would be a nice thing for her mom to share with her sister in the AM.

We were there for Christmas and my wife was very excited for her mom to open the gift.  When she opened the gift my MIL got a puzzled look on her face.  My wife explained the gift, how it was a very nice coffee maker, custom made coffee cups with art work specific for MIL and SIL, and gourmet coffee from the major coffee producing countries.  MIL commented "Well, why would you think I would want this?  I drink Folgers instand."  My bride was crushed.  It was all I could do not to write my ILs off completely at that moment.  I still struggle with my MIL over that.  That she would crush her daughter that way has kept my MIL on the Rags shit list for decades with no indication that she will ever get off of my shit list.

Since then... we have entrenched into our perspective of getting my IL clan what we want them to have and we ignore what they say the want.  My favorite was when we gave them a book on effective money management strategies for Christmas. 

So, my vote is that you get what you want to give and ignore the entitlement mercenary Amazon link to the baby monitor.  Maybe... an encyclopedic tome on effective mothering and parenting. 

Have fun rubbing her nose in it. I certainly have over the years.

My glorious "round-two" alienation  is scheduled to begin any day now as SD24 is about to give birth. I am anxiously awating the main event so I can accidentally be excluded from hospital visits and so my congratulations text can be ignored! I can't wait for the next generation of eye-rollers arrive! Ironically everyone is acting as if she is a 16 year-old is pregnant, all worried and rushing around trying to solve all her problems.  I had my first baby at 23 and have responsibly checked every box on my own since then! It is so ironic that when i was 23, I was furnishing my new home with garage sales and second-hand furniture. But not unemployed SD24. Oh no, she needs $2,000 crib sets and $300 monitors. Not if I can help it! I am only hoping that her 15 minutes of fame blows over quickly so we can all get on with our lives and she realizes that her "accidental" pregnancy with a guy she met on Tinder didn't solve her problems, it created more. (insert wild laughter from one who knows-better here)!!