I'm pretty sure she is IN love....
so you may have read my last blog where I explained how my SD (15 will be 16 in 2 weeks) is so far up her dads butt she cant see daylight... Some of you called her a mini wife which was a new term I had never heard but whoaaa buddy does it fit.
So in short the evil ex wife hasn't been letting the 2 skids come over for the every other weekend visits (long story)... so it has been about a month since they have came and stayed with us and I must admit the weekends they aren't there, even tho my 4 bio kids are, it is so much more relaxing and less worrisome. Like we can all breathe. I call the skids "hangers" b/c they literally HANG all over their dad, as I mentioned before in the prev. blog SD will inner lock fingers with her dad in public while I walk alone, rub his arms (in a soft up and down stroke), back rubs to the heavens and playing with his hair... while obviously they havent been coming over so the phyisical contact has obviously not been happening but now..... holy text messages.....
The other night SD text her dad around 10 PM knowing we are likely in bed seeing as how he wakes up at 4 am for work and I get up shortly after. I glanced at the text while he was reading it and it said she was dreaming about him and she couldnt stop thinking about him. Like you 16 and u lay awake dreaming of your DAD?!?! Then the other day here comes another one... It reads "I miss your face so badly, your like my bestfriend and I feel like a piece of me is missing when I am not with you" Its one or 2 of these almost daily. I get missing your dad and all but calling each other "babe" and seeming to have day dreams about your dad is a little much to me for a 16 y/o.
She literally acts like she is in love with him and not in a dad sort of way. The way she gazes at him when they are around each other and the constant touching like OMG its like CONSTANT. On the 4th of July hubs asked me to put his phone in my bag so he could talk with the kids long story short we got into a bit of an arguement, and I voiced my opinion on the relationshsip; I said I am sorry but its weird... yall are close in a very odd sort of way for me and it really makes me uncomfortable. Of course he got offended and told me I was being jealous and trying to manipulate him into not seeing his kids??? I said I am not either of those just uncomfortable when I see a 16 y/o stroke her DAD!!!!! He said he didn't see anything wrong but he did realize they are on him a lot but its just b/c they miss each other; well I miss my 14 and 12 y/o that live with their dad and only come over 4 days a month too but you dont see me laying on them LOL.... oh well I guess for now I should just be thankful its only text msgs and I dont have to actually witness the weirdness face to face.....
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UGH, Its stories like this
UGH, Its stories like this that make me so glad my skid is a boy and not a girl. I wouldn't be able to watch that for years.
theres a boy too....
Well I am extra UN lucky bc i have a SS who is 17 and just as bad as his sister! The only thing I can say is my SS doesnt text him quite as much, but as far as everything else goes, hes just as bad!!
I get kids missing their dad
I get kids missing their dad but this situation seems very strange and I'd feel uncomfortable with it also. The text messages seem like a lovesick girlfriend who misses her bf. I find it interesting how he spins this around to say that you are manipulating his relationship with his kids and are jealous. If the shoe were on the other foot with your sons doing this he would feel the same way. He may be caught up with daddy guilt and not seeing the blurred lines.
love sick g/f
Thats exactly what I told him the other day when I saw the text and we had our arguement about it on july 4th , i said the same thing, like she is a love sick g/f!!!! I know they are his kids and you'll over look a lot when it comes to your kids but I dont see how this doesnt bother him.... Like I said I have a 14 y/o son myself and I just couldnt imagine holding his hand like that or how in the hell I would even reply if he sent me a text like that!!!
My Sd
My SD would do the same thing. She would hold his hand, she wanted to sleep with us (I said NO), she would sit in his lap, she wanted to us his body wash (man's body wash) so she could smell like him. She couldn't leave his side for him to go to the bathroom. It was sickening. My friends would call me to tell me that they saw DH and his little girlfriend whenever they were out. I tried to tell DH that it made me uncomfortable. He told me I was jealous.
When she was around 12 years old. She told her therapists that she wanted to "make love" to her dad. At first, I thought that she may not understand what she was saying. Now, I think she was serious. She "loved" DH as boyfriend not as a father. A few days after she stated it to the therapist , DH was investigated for sexual abuse.
DH was cleared of all sexual abuse but it scared the crap out of him. A spoke to a lawyer friend and he told me to tell DH to STOP doing all that perverted crap (lawyer's exact words) Even if he didn't sexual abuse her , it looks like he is.(Lawyers exact words again) Dh stopped at that time.
I am not sure if DH has gone back to hand holding or not. He sees SD outside of the house now.
whoa!
WOW!!!!! I mean I hate it that lawyers and all that had to get involved but it sounds like it was for the best honestly!!!
When boundaries are not
When boundaries are not enforced and/or addressed kids will think its ok and continue to do it. This behavior is not ok and it leaves the door open for them to think they can do "other" things that are not appropriate. If these dads are not putting their foot down and telling them no this is not appropriate behavior than what are the kids left to think? This can be a messy situation especially with what happened to poster Daisymazy2's H.
My question is why do these men not see anything wrong with this? They can't continue to use the excuse that they are kids and they don't see anything wrong with it.
Google: Emotional Incest
https://goodmenproject.com/families/youre-not-your-daughters-handsome-pr...
Awesome Article. Favorite Snippet
a great many dads (and it wasn’t until I became a father to a girl myself that I realized how common this was) start to rely more and more on the simple intensity of their daughter’s love rather than doing the much more difficult work to remain connected with their wives.
I will not play the part of the prince. I’m a father, and that is something utterly and wonderfully different. And if I need validation, I need to go and get it from my equal, my peer, and my partner — the spouse who will make me earn that validation, as she should.
damn ok....
There are a lot of blogs Ive read of daughters sleeping in the same bed as their dad, laying nose to nose as one poster said... They dont lay with each other or lay face to face... it is very uncomfortable however. the text msg she sends and the way she looks at him. as I mentioned he does walk away from her a good bit and he doesnt respond to the text either than just a 'i love you too, i miss you' I am not defending him bc he does need to put a stop to it. But its not like HE is going after her, its the other way around. He isnt having sex with her nor do I see that happening or even close to it, if i did i wouldnt be where I am Id be living another life somewhere else.
Clearly a lot of other people have a mini wife situation and as i have read other blog post i do feel damn near every one else has it worse than i do to the point i even feel bad for bitching when clearly its much worse for other people on here... we are all just here to vent and get things off our chest. none of us are perfect including you which is why i assume your on this site in the first place. but to get on here and say your living a disgusting life??? thats a little harsh i mean damn. you know NOTHING about me i have only posted on here twice.... so maybe dont be such a dick... every one on here just wants advise not to feel anymore like ass than we probably already do. Do me a personal favor, stay off my post if your going to be rude.
Yeah...
Yeah...
I would call CPS. It sounds drastic, but him allowing this behavior is pretty bad. Not as bas as reciprocating the behavior, but not shutting it down or taking his daughter to therapy to HELP her is a form of neglect. He is neglecting his daughter's inappropriate behavior, and he gets SOME satisfaction out of it.
I guess I look at it like any other harmful behavior a kid could be doing that a parent is ignoring. If a skid were slicing up their arm and our SO did nothing, would we just sit back? If they were killing small animals? Talking to shadows in the corners? At the very least, I would suggest leaving and not entangling oneself in the madness any longer.
Your DH doesn't just do a disservice to his daugther. He is HARMING her. He is allowing ABUSIVE behavior. He is NEGLECTING her needs. All because it is sexual in nature and not being reciprocated doesn't mean that it is somehow less harmful than, say, not feeding a kid. Your SD is in serious mental health crisis, and your DH is feeding into it, even passively.
Please tell me you are taking screenshots of these texts
And also photos and videos of this behavior. If not, why not?
I would post those texts from her on Facebook and ask people to guess who they’re from and to. And then I would let them all know it’s from a 16 year old girl to her father. Your Facebook page will light up. And not in favor of this incestuous behavior. They haven’t slept together....yet. It sounds like they are moving toward a sexual relationship. This would not be the first time in the history of the world. Her head in his lap?
He promised forsaking all others. Doesn’t sound like he’s keeping that promise right now. He’s emotionally enmeshed with her — and trust me, men will deny to their dying breath that it’s anything but innocent.
My ex SIL and ex FIL
They were like this. The parents weren't divorced but they did live separately for most of the kids' childhoods. They were like this from the time I met them (her early 20s) until the last time I saw them (her early 40s). She has struggled to have healthy relationships. She would drape herself over him in front of my MIL. I can remember once exchanging 'looks' with MIL over the dinner table because I was so shocked by the behaviour.
While FIL didn't physically initiate any of this behaviour (that I saw) and I do not believe anything went further, he encouraged the behaviour in all sorts of ways. He catered to her and expected us to do the same.
The behaviour continued because he LIKED it. There is no other reason. I get why he liked it. MIL was/is a horrible person, never demonstrably affectionate, verbally and emotionally abusive and I suspect they were in a sexless marriage. It was probably the only touch he got - other than his affairs. Oh yes - the affairs. When one of his long term affairs blew up and became public and he behaved horribly in other ways around that time SIL defended him to the hilt - said it wasn't like other people's affairs. I was surprised in a way that she did defend him, because it's almost like she and her father were having an emotional affair and he was 'cheating' on her, too.
I was in a sexless marriage, too (my ex is basically an opposite sex version of his mother, only lazier) and I understand the craving for touch. But damn - how can you do that to your kids?
Dad needs to get into therapy NOW. I don't know what went on his previous marriage - but if there was a lack of affection he may have inadvertently set up wrong behaviour patterns then and they continue and get worse now because of the distance. SD is crying out for attention for her father and she is doing it in a way that is harmful to her and harmful to his other adult relationships. A 16 yr old does not continue in these behaviours unless they are encouraged. Your DH may not even realise that he's encouraging these behaviours - but even by doing and saying nothing he is. Part of him LIKES this or he would put a stop to it - or maybe he LIKED it at one time in the past and doesn't know how to stop it now. Either way he needs help. And she needs help too so she can develop appropriately into a healthy adult with healthy adult relationships.