Bm called, ALL THE TIME. Literally the was a wk that she called every single day. She wanted to change the schedule all the time. She continually scheduled things on dh's time. Fast forward 8 years of dh holding to the court order, she's much better! I don't mind so much having to spend some time here or there with her. If your dh can block all the crazy out by just not answering phone calls, put her ringtone as silent, and never worry again.
• She treated skid like a tool, a weapon, and a best friend.
• BM doesn’t have many friends, because she burns bridges with her craziness. Her prior friends will tell you this, too.
• She’s verbally and physically confrontational. She has yelled at me across a couple parking lots, in front of skid. She has tried to physically bust down our front door.
• She had a track record of being a habitual cheater. DH would forgive her. They’d briefly go to counseling until she was done. BM would go back to her cheating ways. DH even admitted that BM was the type of woman that wanted, no needed, to keep him on ice, because she couldn’t handle being alone. She tried numerous times to get back with him, when she found out we were dating.
• She played, and still plays, the ”I’m a good christian!” jesus card. If you have to advertise or remind people you’re a “good christian,” chances are it’s because you don’t act like one.
• BM used to text DH all day, every day. It literally would take 20+, one word or one sentence, texts to arrange a drop off exchange. BM had many emotional cry for help breakdowns over texts to DH, too. She was all consuming the first year and a half of us dating.
BM would call several times a week for ‘chats.’ He wanted to keep her happy and really didn’t know that it was weird because he had nothing to go by. Enter me, and hell no to that garbage. Keep it quick. She would tell him how she missed him and hated her family dissolved, even thought she cheated on him. I was her friend, so she didn’t take to well to it at first. She’s still crazy and tries to communicate several times a week over stuff that could easily be a ‘hey DS14, text your dad and tell him you have baseball.’ She took it as an opportunity to engage him. I just honestly knew it when I saw a text my BD discovered between her and my XH that said ‘it’s like they don’t realize that they’ll never get rid of us and will have to deal with us for the rest of their lives.’ I had no idea at the time it was a challenge.
My first inkling that something was amiss was when we had been living together for a week and BM sent SD over to beg to spend the night at "home". BM and DH had been divorced for a year and DH took a job out of the country to give BM time to get money together and find a new home. BM didn't tell the skids that they were divorced and kept promising that daddy would be home soon. BM, who was a child educator, demanded to be the one to break the news to the skids because she knew how to in an appropriate way.
I was stunned. This woman had spent an entire year living in a fantasy that the man who divorced her would come home and play family like nothing had happened.
It took years for our community to stop treating me like the other woman.
BM lying about the circumstances of their break up. He caughter her cheating and ended it; her version is that he drove her to it so it is his fault their family failed. Her breaking in to my DH's house one morning and storming our bedroom....her putting sugar in my gas tank because I left my car at DH's as he drove me to the airport for a trip out of the country. BM believing that because she carried SS for 9 months, that he is hers 100% and DH has no say unless she allows him to speak his opinion. BM immediately becoming engaged to the guy she cheated on DH with after he caughter her and professing her undying love about how she has never been so happy all the while sending DH dirty texts trying to provoke him to respond to her and when that didn't work she would throw the "family" card out there.The biggest red flag for me was when BM messaged me saying she already spoke with DH and she would be coming over to watch SS while DH was working nights and I would need to find another place to stay....DH had already told me he told her absolutely not but she wasn't taking it.
Also when she tried to convince DH that having private "family" time was coparenting and they should be going to do activities together as a family while their significant others stayed behind so that SS could remember them together and have happy memories. Her lying to a judge....her lying under oath in general without blinking an eye...me catching her outside our house watching me and SS outside playing while DH was at work... her calling DH anytime she noticed a new car in our driveway...Oh God I could go on and on to her latest stunt of trying to get SS's tooth extracted so she can have the 1st tooth....
Her whole lack of grasping reality as it really happens is why she is such a damn fruitcake. But she is a narcissist so she will always see things only through her own damaged demented eyes.
My partner was really up front and honest about what I was getting into with BM and I thought "Well, I'm sure it's not that bad, this is just his side of things."
Ooops - should have listened. I once thought it was awful she and kids live two hours away. I don't anymore. So far, I haven't had any major drama with her directly. But I'm certain it will happen. She's psychotic - ok, maybe not psychotic, but I'm certain she has some kind of mood disorder. SO is so mellow, there was no way he could deal with her. In over a year, he and I have not even exchanged cross words.
When her ex husband went nuts because he found out she was dating someone (they had been divorced for over a year and seperated for nearly two years). He had major issues with us taking a vacation out of town and went off on her even though they had been divorced for awhile. I knew he was going to be a problem then.
When I read letters drafted by BM in HER own handwriting, where she admitted the awful things she did to her first ex husband and HIS new family.
2nd I only had to take 1 look at her mother (bm's mom) to know what she was all about too. Its the smirk on her face that never changes no matter where she is, with whom she is with and no matter the setting. Empty eyes with a smirk.
Dont forget "GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME" is their motto
Geeze thanks a ton for this post---I filed this shit in the "trash" a long time ago.
When we went to a game, with SSs team, 6 hours away, BM showed up with SD and no money for a hotel room. SD asked DH to pay for a room for her & BM.
Then after the game BM asked for gas money because she didn’t have enough gas and no money to get back home, 6 hours away! I was fuming and suggested BM stay there and SD ride back with us and the rest of the players. Never would have happened, SD wouldn’t leave BM stranded. We gave her $40 because that’s the only cash we had. Not near enough to get her home. I still don’t know what she ended up doing.
DH and I almost broke up over that one. It wasn’t so much her entitlement, it was his capitulating to her that I couldn’t stomach. I told him I couldn’t be with him if he was always going to jump whenever she told him to. If he didn’t put his foot down, I was gone.
Bm called, ALL THE TIME.
Bm called, ALL THE TIME. Literally the was a wk that she called every single day. She wanted to change the schedule all the time. She continually scheduled things on dh's time. Fast forward 8 years of dh holding to the court order, she's much better! I don't mind so much having to spend some time here or there with her. If your dh can block all the crazy out by just not answering phone calls, put her ringtone as silent, and never worry again.
• She treated skid like a
• She treated skid like a tool, a weapon, and a best friend.
• BM doesn’t have many friends, because she burns bridges with her craziness. Her prior friends will tell you this, too.
• She’s verbally and physically confrontational. She has yelled at me across a couple parking lots, in front of skid. She has tried to physically bust down our front door.
• She had a track record of being a habitual cheater. DH would forgive her. They’d briefly go to counseling until she was done. BM would go back to her cheating ways. DH even admitted that BM was the type of woman that wanted, no needed, to keep him on ice, because she couldn’t handle being alone. She tried numerous times to get back with him, when she found out we were dating.
• She played, and still plays, the ”I’m a good christian!” jesus card. If you have to advertise or remind people you’re a “good christian,” chances are it’s because you don’t act like one.
• BM used to text DH all day, every day. It literally would take 20+, one word or one sentence, texts to arrange a drop off exchange. BM had many emotional cry for help breakdowns over texts to DH, too. She was all consuming the first year and a half of us dating.
BM would call several times a
BM would call several times a week for ‘chats.’ He wanted to keep her happy and really didn’t know that it was weird because he had nothing to go by. Enter me, and hell no to that garbage. Keep it quick. She would tell him how she missed him and hated her family dissolved, even thought she cheated on him. I was her friend, so she didn’t take to well to it at first. She’s still crazy and tries to communicate several times a week over stuff that could easily be a ‘hey DS14, text your dad and tell him you have baseball.’ She took it as an opportunity to engage him. I just honestly knew it when I saw a text my BD discovered between her and my XH that said ‘it’s like they don’t realize that they’ll never get rid of us and will have to deal with us for the rest of their lives.’ I had no idea at the time it was a challenge.
A year is enough
My first inkling that something was amiss was when we had been living together for a week and BM sent SD over to beg to spend the night at "home". BM and DH had been divorced for a year and DH took a job out of the country to give BM time to get money together and find a new home. BM didn't tell the skids that they were divorced and kept promising that daddy would be home soon. BM, who was a child educator, demanded to be the one to break the news to the skids because she knew how to in an appropriate way.
I was stunned. This woman had spent an entire year living in a fantasy that the man who divorced her would come home and play family like nothing had happened.
It took years for our community to stop treating me like the other woman.
BM lying about the
BM lying about the circumstances of their break up. He caughter her cheating and ended it; her version is that he drove her to it so it is his fault their family failed. Her breaking in to my DH's house one morning and storming our bedroom....her putting sugar in my gas tank because I left my car at DH's as he drove me to the airport for a trip out of the country. BM believing that because she carried SS for 9 months, that he is hers 100% and DH has no say unless she allows him to speak his opinion. BM immediately becoming engaged to the guy she cheated on DH with after he caughter her and professing her undying love about how she has never been so happy all the while sending DH dirty texts trying to provoke him to respond to her and when that didn't work she would throw the "family" card out there.The biggest red flag for me was when BM messaged me saying she already spoke with DH and she would be coming over to watch SS while DH was working nights and I would need to find another place to stay....DH had already told me he told her absolutely not but she wasn't taking it.
Also when she tried to convince DH that having private "family" time was coparenting and they should be going to do activities together as a family while their significant others stayed behind so that SS could remember them together and have happy memories. Her lying to a judge....her lying under oath in general without blinking an eye...me catching her outside our house watching me and SS outside playing while DH was at work... her calling DH anytime she noticed a new car in our driveway...Oh God I could go on and on to her latest stunt of trying to get SS's tooth extracted so she can have the 1st tooth....
Her whole lack of grasping reality as it really happens is why she is such a damn fruitcake. But she is a narcissist so she will always see things only through her own damaged demented eyes.
Curious
did she come over and watch skid? Did you leave the house? What happened with that situation?
I didn't
My partner was really up front and honest about what I was getting into with BM and I thought "Well, I'm sure it's not that bad, this is just his side of things."
Ooops - should have listened. I once thought it was awful she and kids live two hours away. I don't anymore. So far, I haven't had any major drama with her directly. But I'm certain it will happen. She's psychotic - ok, maybe not psychotic, but I'm certain she has some kind of mood disorder. SO is so mellow, there was no way he could deal with her. In over a year, he and I have not even exchanged cross words.
When her ex husband went nuts
When her ex husband went nuts because he found out she was dating someone (they had been divorced for over a year and seperated for nearly two years). He had major issues with us taking a vacation out of town and went off on her even though they had been divorced for awhile. I knew he was going to be a problem then.
When I read letters drafted
When I read letters drafted by BM in HER own handwriting, where she admitted the awful things she did to her first ex husband and HIS new family.
2nd I only had to take 1 look at her mother (bm's mom) to know what she was all about too. Its the smirk on her face that never changes no matter where she is, with whom she is with and no matter the setting. Empty eyes with a smirk.
Dont forget "GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME" is their motto
Geeze thanks a ton for this post---I filed this shit in the "trash" a long time ago.
When we went to a game, with
When we went to a game, with SSs team, 6 hours away, BM showed up with SD and no money for a hotel room. SD asked DH to pay for a room for her & BM.
Then after the game BM asked for gas money because she didn’t have enough gas and no money to get back home, 6 hours away! I was fuming and suggested BM stay there and SD ride back with us and the rest of the players. Never would have happened, SD wouldn’t leave BM stranded. We gave her $40 because that’s the only cash we had. Not near enough to get her home. I still don’t know what she ended up doing.
DH and I almost broke up over that one. It wasn’t so much her entitlement, it was his capitulating to her that I couldn’t stomach. I told him I couldn’t be with him if he was always going to jump whenever she told him to. If he didn’t put his foot down, I was gone.