I am a horrible stepmum... but I just don’t like my stepson.. excuse the long first time post.

He is only 5 but we are just night and day, my 7 yr old  son and him are night and day and for the love of god I hope my nearly 2 yr old and him will be night and day. I have tried and tried to find a redeeming quality, a common interest, just something to hold onto and focus on but I’m just at a loss..

I have been with my S/O for 4 years and initially things between me and ss were ok, he was little and I didn’t see him often but after 4 years, having a baby of our own and moving in together, every weekend it feels like the devil himself has sent him just to push my buttons.

To outline, he lies.. constantly about nothing things and big things. No manners. He has no awareness of hygiene (toilet training issues 1’s and 2’s, washing hands, nose picking, peeing outside the house instead of coming in to do it, farting on people) I refuse to do his washing with mine or DS’s as there’s always some sort of muck on there. All he will eat is takeaway, noodles and lollies and cries and storms off if he is told no. Extreme jealousy issues of me and DS2 neither one of us can get near SO if SS is around he either climbs on him or has a tantrum. He touches and breaks EVERYTHING he touches and just can’t keep his hands to himself. 

One of the biggest issues we have is him constantly tryiing to get DS7 into trouble, last weekend they were waiting in the car when I heard SS say to DS7 push me out of the car, knowing DS7 would get into trouble as he has done things like this many many times when I’ve overheard and intervened. He also makes the most annoying little sounds when sitting next to DS7 waits until DS7 gets angry and yells at him to stop, also in order to get DS7 in trouble. I don’t get angry at DS7 anymore as I have seen too many times the lead up to such events but SO still gets angry in “defence of SS”. The other week it got so bad that DS7 ran into the house to pack his suitcase saying he was moving out because SO always believes SS over him. Now I know DS7 is no saint, but I also know my own kid and know when he is being honest.

He is with us every weekend and it’s gotten to the point where I just hate the weekends.. I’m so stressed out the whole time and I just have no backup! I realise that SO is also to blame for letting him behave this way but all my attempts are met with defense and deaf ears. Yet SO also gets so stressed out by him! As he has started school this year it is just getting worse with attitude coming into play.

It makes it so hard to enjoy time with my own boys when he is there making everyone miserable.