New here with SD issue - Wish he didnt have one
I have been dating a man for a year and a half. His ex is crazy, and I think his daughter is also. She treats him horribly and he is trying to keep her in his life. She is rude to me also and I do not want to be around her anymore. I am tired of trying.
His mother was just diagnosed with cancer and does not have long. He is devastated. His daughter is graduating from HS and does not want me there. He wants me there as support. I told him I would go to support him but SD will not give him a ticket for me. I dont care either way. I would rather not go but want to support him. Im sure his crazy ex will do something if he is there alone.
I need to have a conversation with him about how we can handle this and future issues with SD together. I will not be bullied by anyone anymore. Honestly I want to smack her. She is 18 and cannot even be polite.
I don't care about the graduation but I am sure with his mother being ill, we will have to be in the same spot at the same time with family in the future. I need some advice.
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Besides the ex and SD, do you
Besides the ex and SD, do you get alongfairly well with his family? I can understand those anxieties.
SO needs to set some boundaries and enforce them. Honestly a good rule is that he doesn't go places you, as his partner, aren't welcome. I dunno if that will work for graduation, but your SO needs to be taught that it's not okay to exclude you. Best way is for your SO to enforce some serious boundaries and limit any communication strictly to about SD and only when necessary when it comes to BM.
You can't make them not crazy. But your SO can refuse to tolerate it.
I wouldn't go to a graduation
I wouldn't go to a graduation for kid who hates me and doesn't want me there.
I'd save your strength for the times your BF will really need you there and support from you. At the graduation, he doesn't have to be any where near the daughter's mother. They don't have to sit together , ride together or even take pictures together. There will be lots of people, he can dodge in behind one if he sees BM coming his way.
With you being in NY your BF still has child support to pay towards his nasty behaved adult child, but she doesn't necessarily have to do the visitation thing. If she refuses to behave, he can see her occasionally outside the home without having you put up with her rude disrespect ways and attitude.
He can also put his foot down when it comes to his daughter being around his dying mother (SD's grandmother) if the young lady makes things awkward or hard on the GMa. Yes, I'm sure the grandmother desires to see and spend time with her granddaughter, but if SD in any way acts up or tries to ruin gatherings during these hard next few months, he can ban her. The granddaughter can make short visits to her grandmother at quiet times. In a hospital setting, GMa , herself, can have anyone GMa pleases banned from her room.
What I would not do , if I were you , is demand you be present with your BF in settings such as the hospital over the granddaughter (your SD). If Dad and daughter can't be civil , they can step in and out while one visits and the other waits. I'm sure there is a comfortable waiting room you could sit in somewhere near if your BF feels he needs some support and comfort. Yeah, what I am saying is you have no more 'rights' to be there as Dad's GF than the granddaughter has. You're not married and not related to the ill and dying older lady. No matter how close you feel you may have come to the woman over the last year or so.
If you wish he didn’t have a daughter
You should leave this relationship. It’s not going to get any better. She’s not going away. She exists and you can’t wave a magic wand and make her go away.
She treats him horribly also
I am not going to the graduation. She informed him she suddenly has no ticket for me. I am relieved. He is mad. She is giving him the run around about his ticket. He thinks shes waiting to see what he will do so she can not have one for him also. He was supposed to go with her to visit his mother but decided to just give her an airlines gift card for her graduation and she can go herself. He no longer has any desire to tolerate her anger and cruel behavior. No acknowledgement of Fathers Day. He is hurting and angry at her. I just met his parents and brother last week for the first time. We got along great. They disliked his ex. It is no wonder that some fathers walk away from their kids when they get treated like this. We have a good relationship so far and have discussed how best to handle this. I have my own grown daughter who lives far away. My divorce was hard on her also even though she was in her early 20s and at school. Her father and I agreed to act in her best interest and not discuss each other negatively when talking to her. She has a good relationship with both of us. That is what is healthy. I don't need this drama in my life. I don't need to be around someone who cannot be polite to me and is a bully. I choose not to be around people like that no matter who they are. Life is to short.